Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis is my WAH in an MLC (need some experts!)?

thanks Trent! i read this article and it was really helpful. i really appreciate the concern you've had for my sitch.

to everyone, is it possible to come to a point where you're EXHAUSTED? i had a really quiet moment yesterday where i just had a chance to think calmly (most of my thinking is on overdrive)...and i kind of realized everything will be ok. i've had this feeling before and probably aligned with the LBS stages in the thread above where you cycle through feelings a lot. however, this time, i feel like i hit a turning point. i think with everything you all have said so far and also turning to God sincerely, it made me really think. sort of came to a peace with this awful situation and i felt like i could fathom the idea of letting go. now it's quite possible that by tomorrow, i may be nuts again but at least it's nice to feel that i've come to a point where i can accept things as they are.

when i came home, i realized i was tired of trying...anything really. i've been working SO hard for the last year almost and i'm so SO tired. i mean ultimately, whatever is going to happen, will happen. it's in God's ultimate wisdom and there's nothing more to it.

i need to process this and then move on and GAL.


i am hoping these changes are for me. to me, being a good wife and understanding a man's needs are critical to a good rel'p. whether it's this rel'p or another...i'm glad i have really good info. and plus a lot of what i've learned is great for any rel'p, not just marriages.

Letting go is a good thing. It doesn't have to mean you're giving up.

Stay focused on you.

oh and a general question. a lot of posts i'm reading talk about the spouse being mean and distant. my H is actually really nice to me, spends time with me, does nice stuff for me. is that also in line with everything?

Everyone is different. I think many of us see and hear much of the same strange stuff but no two people will go through all of this in the same manner.

Pandora
Maybe H is noticing the changes in you. Stay positive and be nice in return. Can you see how we say the changes are for you. To be able to deal with H or anybody.

Celestial

i try to be nice for the most part too (except when i backslide and go kuku) but when i get in my pensive modes, i'll be more quiet...then he's always like what's wrong? everything ok, are you sure? he gets concerned.



i like this a lot. i think for a long time, i felt that letting go was giving up. hence, my control issues (i seriously thought i had let this go!).

btw, i'm reading through the information you all graciously sent...there is so much out there!

I posted this in Jack's work thread, but here is a blog post that discusses two of the techniques from Anderson's book:

http://sserenity.wordpress.com/2008/07/02/abandonment-wound-healing-some-of-andersons-techniques/

Why sure, deep down he's still tied to you. He sounds pretty confused at the moment. When you become "pleasantly distant" it causes him to think and thats not a bad thing.

You'll learn to let the strange or negative things he says regarding you or your R roll off your back.

Pay more attention to what he does than what he says. I'm not saying ignore everything, it's up to you to decide whether or not any of his complaints have merit. Take a honest look first.

Pandora,

I would alos echo Jack's advice - trust me. You really need to start doing thing for you. In terms of being "exhausted" - yep this will happen. You will get tired. The question you may need to ask yourself is are you getting tired because you are still trying to "fix" this. The reality is that you need to really worry about YOU. You cannot control what he does but you can control what you do.

As trapt said, letting go does not mean giving up. IMO when you really detach you gain the insight and strength need to move forward. Now foward can be anything that YOU want it to be.

BTW - I am reading Anderson's book and I would echo Trents post..the book is excellent and suggest you pick up a copy.

In terms of "being nice" - my wife has been nice during the whole ordeal - you need to take it for what it is worth. If your S is nice to you then feel free to be nice back just DO NOT read anything into his being nice. His action will speak much more louder than his words.

Take this time for you, keep with your changes, get enought sleep, look into thought stopping and just remember this is now about YOU. Keep looking up and keep believing.

God Bless,
Eric

Just got my copy today, so I am going to read along with everyone else.

Thanks for the recommendation.