Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis is my WAH in an MLC (need some experts!)?

lol! i won't say anything to him...not that he's listening to me anyways.

How to focus on yourself;

Get a new haircut
Get a manicure & pedicure
Go shopping
Talk a long walk
Have a drink with some girlfriends

You get the idea, anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Don`t worry about plummetting because you will, but stop thinking about it, when you do plummet, know that it will pass and soon you`ll be feeling better again!!

Celestial

thanks celestial! ok, i scheduled two massages for the next month (hey it's spa week). will do the haircut as well...that always makes me feel better

Pandora...the only cautionary note I can give you about this forum is that there IS a danger: getting trapped in denial. Get that book by Gray and simply learn to recognize what that is. He has a great chapter on it.

Fear and denial are powerful emotions that are destructive to you. For some, a divorce is a failure...a loss...another nail in a coffin. Many want/need to have others stay as companions to avoid the truth.

You need to play a game of Twister now. Keep one foot in reality, one hand on hope, the other foot on change and the other hand on your heart.

You will get through this one way or another and you WILL be OK. Grieve the change in your marriage and let go of trying to do something to 'save it'. You can't. Common saying here: the only things you can control are your attitude and actions.

DB for you.
Do things for you.
Choose actions for you and none that are to try and bring about a reaction in your H
Focus on family.
Get busy living.

The people that I have seen here that have saved their marriages or are in piecing....are those that 'let go of the rope' and went on with their lives. Their S's had total pressure removed and began to see what they were going to lose.

Hang in.

FIB

Pandora

Atta Girl!!!

You CAN do this!!!!!

xox
Celestial

Should I tell you now that I always lost at Twister? I do like this analogy though b/c it's a fine balance.

Another analogy I've been working with is that it's like we're on a boat. I can keep revving the engine but we're not going anywhere if the anchor is still down. So instead of me exerting so much energy on something stuck (my H), I'm going to get off the boat, go for a swim and then maybe layout on the beach instead. I don't need to be stuck on a boat that is going nowhere.

FIB - Thanks for the insight. I am hoping I'm not in denial at this point. I am trying my best to accept things as they are and detach. It is easier said than done. Is there something that is making you still think I am? Maybe working with the DB coach...which I do still want to do?

I would say that you should keep working with the DB coach. I've had two different coaches and they were both wonderful. (In fact, I have one session left! I need to schedule it soon.)

FIB, thank you for your comments. My PMA is pretty much shot this morning, as I came across a picture of my wife and I having our first kiss; I had forgotten that picture even existed. I have to remind myself that this is a process that we both need to work out on our own. Someday I may be able to share that picture with her again.

Pandora: it may seem like a macabre suggestion, but one thing you may consider is starting a list of things you need to take care of if the D papers get filed. It will give you some feeling of control over your situation; I know that I will be an emotional wreck if that happens and I want to make sure that I don't forget or miss anything important during that time.

Sorry to hijack pandora but have a question for Trent C

I have 2 DB coaching sessions left. My H has filed for a D and made it clear that is what he wants...so, I haven't called for another session cause I am thinking at this point it won't do any good.

I think now would be a perfect time to talk to a DB coach. They can help you with a plan for going dark, because at this point you have nothing to lose.

Thankyou trent