Quote: I guess the thing I'm confused about is that if he keeps referring to it as your D, that to me sounds like he doesn't want it.
So why would he mind if there is a continuance?
Yes, by the mere fact that he keeps saying it's my d, I would tend to think he doesn't want the d. But maybe he's using me to hide behind...so he can feel better about getting the d he really wants. After all I filed, he'll be free and be able to say I did it though it's what he wanted all along. I don't know why he would mind the continuance....maybe because we can't seem to get this right. We get along fine like this weekend until he gets a hair up his ass then it all goes crazy...he's just not stable and my db'ing doesn't seem to lend any stability to his actions (though it helps me). He goes with how he feels at any given moment.
Quote: If you dismiss and he refiles what has that accomplished for either of you?
I was warned yesterday not to dismiss because if my h was to refile he could take the house and the kids and I would be homeless. Or he could just stay married to me, and not give me any support, I'd have no house, no help with the kids and he could get the kids anytime he wants like take them from school or even put them in school over here and make me drive to see them. It could be horrid if I dismiss...I think I'm safer just walking away with what I have.
Quote: Will a paper either way, Married or Divorced, bring you closer together?
I don't know. This is my struggle. I know married we were not close...he wouldn't let me in. Now divorced he may find total peace in just mindless one night stands and no family obligations. He seems to want the second just by his current lifestyle. I just have no idea what the future will hold for us divorced. I have no hope that it will be reconciliation because he once said to me that he would not marry me if he had it to do all over again.
Quote: The only thing you can control is yourself. Sounds like there are some things that you identified tonight that you also need to work on. Use the time wisly and you will always be alright.
Yes, I admit last night was not my brightest moment. I should not have been so mean to him...I should have walked away from him as soon as I found out he was angry. Well now I can since I doubt I'll see him again until the hearing.
Cindy, who is giving you this advice. Are you currently living in the house? At worst everything could be 50/50. Do you work? It is my experience that judges tend want to keep M together. Also they tend to rule more favorably for those that do not want a D. I think I would get a second legal opinion on this. Just my opinion.
Quote: I guess the first thing I'd ask myself is whether it is becoming more painfully obvious by the day that maybe this person isn't the right one to spend the rest of my days with, maybe just maybe I deserve better and so do the kids..
I'm getting more convinced that this may be the case. He fails to consider the outcome his actions will have on the boys. The boys are not fools they see their dad as selfish and unchanged since he left...and they do not want him back. they told me last night to forget about him and get the d. I'm surprised because they are 10 & 11 but they've seen their dad this way for all of their little lives and they are smart. Someone said to me yesterday if the boys feel this way why am I trying to force them to be back with their dad? I guess I've been selfish by considering my needs above theirs...they want out. My h continues to maintain that this is my fault and for the better part of 13 years I've believed that until the day I left him last year...that was when I realized I didn't have to take all the responsibility for the mess.
Quote: Second, i'd do what usually stops the bleeding and frees him up to think more rationally and that is: Back off of him entirely, let him initiate ALL contact. Everytime you speak with him, you are calm and cool, very confident in yourself. Load up on the PMA. NO MORE R TALK, PERIOD. No more discussing any feelings or anything, as far as he should know, you're DONE and moving on, PERIOD.
Well I won't have to worry about that since he will be avoiding me I'm sure.
Quote: If you comply, stop the continuance and allow the D to happen, you are showing him that he is free to go if he wants, you're not standing in his way, too bad it didn't work out, but you love him enough to set him free. I don't know about you, but I'd rather him think you are sacrificing your happiness for his by doing the latter, moreso then having him see you as the immovable object standing in the way of his freedom, by purposely dragging out the divorce.
Yes, I guess. I just hate the fact that I'm having to do something I don't want! I can put in the continuance and if it gets worse then I can put in the d like 2 weeks later. But at least he'd have the option of changing his mind and we are still married under the continuance. Don't you think that's good?
Quote: You don't know how things can change two weeks from now or whatever. This guy may be vascillating despite pushing for the D. Your best bet is to lift all the pressure from the sitch, leave him alone, and don't impede the divorce proceedings. Combine that with showing him you've had it and you're moving on with or without him, and you will know what you've got.
I can change my mind about not impeding the divorce proceedings at the hearing and have my attorney get me divorced.
It's so hard to let go but he leaves me no choice now. He's just to up and down about it...not commited to anything but how he feels which is not very stable.
I filed for the d last year...I've been dragging my heels for a long time on this. In texas there is no legal separation, only court delays like the continuance. I'm still fighting by going forward with the continuance but my h is SO mad! It may not do any good at all.
I wish I could get away but I'd rather stay busy so I don't kill someone!
Quote: At this point what can you do anyway? Stay away from H, don't contact H at all. It sounds like you're both pushing and pushing each others buttons. One of you has to be the one stop this madness. And can you guess who?
Can't do anything now. I won't worry about contacting him...I need nothing from him now. AFterall this last time he called me. I'll leave him alone.
I love him but I don't like him. I guess it may be partially pride that is causing me to stick him with the continuance.
I can't quite grasp the mentality that divorce is just a paper. it seems so final. I feel as though I'm closing the door with him on the other side and covering it with bricks.
Well my h just walked into my office cool as a breeze looking madder than hell to sign a check over to me. Apparently he was sitting at home, heard my phone message but didn't pick up and drove straight over here. Didn't say a word to me.
Cindy, it does not have to be final. Me and ex are D. She initiated an outing with me to go to the casinos. Her favorite place. A Divorce can be a way of letting go of the past and rebuilding anew. I hope so anyway.
