Quote: To do a 180 on your thinking, it just MIGHT be possible that he really did have a good time with you this weekend, is having second thoughts about things, and was just checking up on the paperwork out of curiousity??
I'm going act as if this is the case. He did say he didn't trust me because I went behind his back and filed for the d so maybe just maybe this may be the case. This maybe be the case but he could have called my attorney to halt the d too. She's asked him before if he would do that.
Quote: Try not to panic yet. See what this evening brings, if anything.
I'll see what he does in response to my act as if I don't know.
Yes, he called MY attorney. He doesn't have one...he represents himself to save money!
You are right I don't know what is in his mind. I can ask him tonight but am afraid what he will say...that I was just a piece of ass to him! Oh, that will hurt so much.
I'm thinking about doing it but would loose the house, the equity, everything would become community property and be 50/50 split. Right now the split is in my favor at 80/20.
He threatened me 2 weeks ago to refile immediately if I dismissed so that would probably happen if he's really hell bent on getting it.
It appears that it may be counter productive to get the d because that would really, really make him mad if he has to refile...so mad he may just take the boys away from me!
I'd say talk to him and ask if that is what he really wants. In a nice non threatening way.
A D is not the end of the road, necessarily. What do you think will get you closer to your ultimate goal (a new and improved R with your H) if he tells you he does want it?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
He'd take the boys just to be spiteful....I don't think the judge would give them to him because of the hours my h works. Right now my h has very limited visitations because that is what the boys want...they don't want to be with him anymore than they have to. But should I dismiss my h may want more just to hurt me. He's spiteful that way...wants to teach me a lesson.
It's 80/20 right now because my h signed over everything...the house, the equity (which is at $20,000), all furnishings in my possession (though he took all our bedroom and living room stuff). I came out more ahead than he. Now if I dismiss it will become 50/50 and I can come after what he has now too...it could get real ugly. But he hasn't made it easy for me this past year either. I've shelled out $5000 on this attorney for his indecisiveness, refusal to sign, refusal to agree, his calls to my attorney, etc and the cost is still going up because now I must pay for the hearings on the 17th. If he maintains that he wants the d, then I will petition the judge for him to pay 1/2 of the attorney's fees for the past year to date.
I've got to leave now. I'll see him about 5pm today. I plan to act as if I don't know...see what he does. Don't know what else to do right now.
I'll let you know what happens after I get home at 7pm.
He was at the soccer field when I got there. I walked up to him and tried to kiss him hello. He turned his face away and said I don't think so. I said well what is the problem? He said you know? I said can we walk over there and talk so we are not in the hearing range of the boys? He said no, what for? I said so you got the continuance? He said yes...how come I lied. I said I didn't lie I told you 2 weeks ago I didn't want the d and would file the continuance or dismiss. He said I did not. I said I did because I remember every other horrible thing you said to me that night how could I forget!
I asked how can you be mad at the continuance? It's not like I'm sleeping with some om while I'm trying to fix my m. I said you act like you are the only one that has been hurt or lied to. What about when you were dating ow and sleeping with me...wasn't I lied to, treated wrongly? But I forgave you, came back to try again. Even just this weekend...after all the mean stuff you told me here I am again trying to work on this with you. You tell me I have to get over the wrong things I do to you well can't you get over me filing for the d last year and just move onto a new r with me? I said do you think it's fair to hurt us like this? To have us come over act like its on then turn around and be mad that I want more time for MY d as you call it and call the family quits? You are not showing the boys how to handle a relationship and totally showing them how to disrespect woman. This roller coaster ride with you is just too much. (I was totally calm as I said all this....like that makes it bettter .)
During that whole time he acted like I wasn't even there! Looking everywhere but at me. Finally I said ok so if you want this d then you can pay the remaining costs. That got his attention...he said hell no because it was MY divorce not his!!! And I should pay all my attorney fees. I said well ok then I'll have the judge make the ruling he said you can't do that. I said I'm the one with the attorney I think I would know what the legal system will let me do...after all this is my divorce I can do what I want. He said no you can't and I'm not paying for your d. I walked away. Then I noticed he was getting into my van so I hurried over there and told him to get out of it. I told him that I loved him but could not understand how he could hurt the boys and I like this...by making us a family one day then calling it quits 2 days later! I said I don't think you realize how you are hurting them and me. He said well if that is the case then YOU should not have filed for the d! I finally blew my top and said you know what you are one F****d up dude! And I"m so tired of hearing how this is my fault for filing! You are right I can't be happy with you, you can't be a husband, you can't be a father and you have no balls to even say ILY to your own kids.
He got in his car at that point and drove away.
Well I guess that it is finally over as far as the paper work goes. We are getting the d. I can't do anything right by this man...he's totally upset because he sees me as filing the continuance behind his back....though I distinctly remember telling him quite clearly!!!!! 2 weeks ago. I can't make any headway because he conveniently forgets things I say.
I don't see any way out of the d now. I just screwed up royally!!!
Quote: I don't see any way out of the d now. I just screwed up royally!!!
sounds as if he's continually refering to this as YOUR d...you are the one who wanted it and wants it...
am I getting a clear pic here?
you went away for a bit with him and things were good...you get back and he checks in with the atty and finds that the d is not dropped but put into a continuance? I don't know the legalities of divorce as I never did get any further than scheduling an apt with one but doesn't that just mean you've postponed it? Is it not possible that to him (though he did do wrong with ow) that he see's you as the one who doesn't want to work on the m?
not trying to be hard on you as that is the last thing you need right now, just trying to understand the big pic.
Quote: ? I don't know the legalities of divorce as I never did get any further than scheduling an apt with one but doesn't that just mean you've postponed it? Is it not possible that to him (though he did do wrong with ow) that he see's you as the one who doesn't want to work on the m?
Yes, putting in for a continuance will only postpone the finalization of the d. Yes, I suppose he can see me as wanting the d because I don't dismiss. He asked that I not dismiss when I asked him because he didn't want to have to pay all over again to refile if we decided later we wanted the d. I'm really going off what he told me...I don't understand! I can't really do the right thing here. If I try to dismiss he'll just refile he says or that was the story 2 weeks ago.
I'm trying as hard as I can to figure out what is the WRONG Thing to do here but every step I take whether continuance or dimissal is wrong with him.
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