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Well I have an update

Me and WAW had 2 more dates. Yesterday on Sunday we went out to eat and then to a nice hotel. She wanted to ML but I was hesitant (due to the infidelity and herpes).

She was laughing, funny, flirting, and very very affectionate. We watched tv and just talked and how fun. Her kissing was different. So were her hugs. They were passionate. She apologized for everything she had done again. I apologized too. Then she told me
She had given full custody of SD8 to paternal grandmother. She saw a change in me immediately. I almost walked out of the hotel. She told me to come back.

She began crying and telling me how much of a bad mother she was. How SD8 would have a better life over 100 miles away. She also stated that’s why she left. She wants to move down there after she gets herself together. Me and SD8 paternal grandmother DO NOT GET ALONG AT ALL. She blames me for SD8 ending up in foster care.

SD8 had touched our two sons inappropriately was really misbehaving and when me and WAW got sick and lost our jobs? No family would take her in. So we took her to cps and WAW signed over temporary custody. Now she’s given away the rights and SD8 grandmother doesn’t want her to be with me. *sighs*

So I told her how I felt and how we could possibly get it reversed. She still says she’s a bad mother and SD8 needs to be with paternal grandmother. I ask her if she’s going to IC yet and she says no. I shake my head. We watch tv and cuddle til we fall asleep.

I wake up and go to court for financial custody situation with S10. It went pretty well. WAW went with me so my mother did not have to go. We went out to eat after that. We talked some more about the pros and cons of her moving to a small town (she asked) and we didn’t even argue about it. I told her about medical reasons, financial, having no family down there other than SD8 grandmother, limited work. No bus line to get around. She listened and said I will think about that when I get back to my place.

Then we go on the bus and went to the train station where she has to catch another bus to get home. We hug and kiss passionately and for a long time. My father meets me at train station and I get back to the house.

She calls and texts but I don’t answer. I pretend to not get them and text her stating oh you can’t call? She calls and we talk for a few mins and then she gets ready to take a nap because we have pretty much been up talking and sharing a few intimate moments and laughing and discussing issues for 20 out of 24 hours.

I’m still job hunting. I’m waiting to see cornea specialist this Friday. I passed drug test for job last Monday. Still waiting to hear back. Looking at going back to college this summer. Just taking care of business. About to take a walk now.

there was no argueing though. whenever tension came about i'd leave the motel room or change the subject. We had alot of fun laughing and joking but a little serious talk too

even though I'm just journaling to myself (cause I don't do everything the way the vets say I should)

I See progress.

Progress with me:

Lets look at the goals I have set for myself.

Weight:

I have dropped over 15 pounds

Job:

No job yet, but I'm still setting up interviews and applying.

Anger:

I'm not near as mad as I have been

Health:

I have not had a seizure in about a week now! Now that I know about the diabetes I know how to control it. I still must see the neurologist and the cornea specialist (friday for that) but things seem to be going well.

PMA:

I am really working on that. I feel as though I have weak moments but I'm really really doing better.

Children:

This is gonna take some time. I am really working hard on this. the situation with SD8 is going to be the hardest. I love the kids so much and I want to have alot more time with each one of them.

Getting a life:

I have been walking and reading and doing things to keep me busy.

I think I'm doing pretty good and I'm in a much better spot than I was in my old thread.

Goals with WAW:

Respect:

I have been more open to her thoughts feelings and opinions and she has been more open and confiding things in me

Space:

I no longer consistently text, leave voicemails or call WAW. She now calls me more. This is a major change from her not speaking to me at all a few months ago.

Affair bust:

My technique of calling every guy seemed to work. WAW is more focused on getting herself together. It has been over a week since she has gotten on a chatline or called her one PA (proof found) or her EA's.

Validate:

I validate her feelings. I allow her to talk when she is expressing herself. When she offers input, I offer it but not in a condescending way. I make sure my voice is relaxed and calm.

Affection:

She has been extremely affectionate lately. I can tell the difference. There's a great passion there.

Temper:

I do not blow my stack. I think about my actions and words. After Saturday's incident a few weeks ago, I did not think we would ever be alone together again. She was alone with me again. She laid up under me. We cuddled and watched shows. So much positiivity. She smiles at me and compliments me as well.

Kind words:

I did not do this enough either. I always felt she knew how I thought she looked or felt. So I have been more complimenting, funny and light hearted. She compliments me alot. We joke and laugh and flirt. She no longer tells me to leave her alone or what I say hurts her feelings. She is talking to me.

I think things are improving but I'm still being realistic. She might possibly move although she did talk about us coming back together (I did not bring it up) and working together to fix repair and restore our lives.

Does "SD8" stand for 8 year old step daughter?

so what happened to the money issue for both of you?
you mentioned that you went out to a nice hotel and you went out to eat, I remembered you mentioning that neither of you have jobs, the savings have dwindled down to very little and possibly that you have creditors chasing after you because of high debt or something?

yessir. She has signed away the right to her. I don't think she is in the frame of mind to do that. I can fix it but she has to be willingly and clear her head because i'm her medical POA. Any document signed without me there is null and void because I can prove she is still under doctor's care.

WHen she went to visit SD8 (when she didn't come back) paternal grandmother tricked her into signing her rights away. Stating if she didn't allow her to adopt her CPS would not let her have unsupervised visits with her.

When they had us attend parenting classes, psychological and neurologic exams, stated we must both find work and a place, IC stated ordered counseling, and I have to take drug tests, go to anger management counseling and alot of stuff. They were attempting reconciliation. My mother (former foster care and cps social worker and a licensed counselor with 2 degrees in the field) told us we could get her back.

It was not until she went down there over new years break and then at the beginning of march that all of a sudden her views change.

The last time I went to court in OCTOBER with WAW. Paternal grandmother let her have it. How she was a bad mother. How she would fight her tooth and nail to not let her have SD8 back. Just totally brow beating her.

I know that was going on down there because she made WAW leave two days early but then states if she gives her the rights to SD8 she could go to college for free. Which is an out right lie.

WAW public defender just wanted teh case over with and QUICKLY DREW UP DOCUMENTS for them to sign. Our IC counselor did not want this. WAW parents did not want this and WAW did not want this until she was pretty much coerced and brow beaten and told she would never see S8 again if she did not

A) sign over the rights
B) leave her family behind

She wants WAW to come down there so she can pretty much babysit SD8 while she gets to claim her on tax returns, all types of tax breaks and credits (she was getting over 1000 a month in foster care money and benefits that would stop if WAW had joint custody)

The state wanted to help WAW keep her rights (unsupervised) and let SD8 stay with PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER until we got stable. Then they would review the case and WAW and I could bring her home.

The case is not final and WAW was just crying. It is not in her benefit to move there. It's a small military base with limitted jobs. She won't be able to continue getting her benefits and medicine for her epilepsy and since she cannot drive she'd soley have to depend on this woman to get her around which I know she won't.

When the court and all 3 lawyers (sd8 has a lawyer too) told paternal grandmother to let WAW talk to sd8 back in october? she blatantly refused. it was 2 months before she would let her do that.

Now she's playing hardball knowing that WAW wants SD8 and is trying to convince her if she gets CPS out of the picture she will let her see SD8 anytime but is putting all these ridiculous stipulations on her in order to see her.

WAW knew I would get pissed and expected me to curse and throw things but I walked out of the hotel and sat outside smoking cigarettes.

WAW says she has alot of questions about this. right now I'm too mad to discuss it with her any further. So I'm just not speaking about it

I have been saving money for awhile now. from my last job. WAW has money to more than survive. She is still drawing her unemployment. She just does not manage very well. She is trying to keep up with SIL on fashion and all that crap. Also because her esteem is low and she's now realizing the clothes she is putting on is not going to fix her heart and she needs to manage better. She always said I was a tight wad. I'm not tight I just don't like having our life savings depleted.

WAW and I also run a business and I got lucky with a client. My parents also have been helping. They helped alot last year. I'm going to go back to school and get my grant money back once I talk to the dean and resolve this probationary situation. Then I can go to college for free with my blind waiver and have my grant money.

The way that everything was set up. We'd both be in school. I'd have grant money pt job and go to counseling and she'd do the same. I'm still waiting on my disability hearing as well.

I had alot of fraud on our accounts. Where we were living at. Alot of bank cards and information got stolen from about 20 people. The manager was in on it as well and we had to file alot of reports.

WAW has one major bill and that's her 5 figure college loan. She has a few minor bills but that's ok.

I have a four figure student loan and a few bills. I plan on disputing them to clear up our credit. She wanted me to look into that the other day.

I'm setting up interview after interview. I hope to have a job really really soon. WAW is depressed about SD8 but she better see the light soon or this can turn really really bad.

this is what got us into this whole mess with SD8 in the first place. WHen we took her to CPS there was supposed to be nothing but a 72 hour evaluation.

They tried to convince her I did something to SD8 (although we had taken her to the hospital and it showed no sexual abuse or physical abuse) and she signed documents then.

Then they came to the house 3 days later with a notary public and made me leave my residence. I was outside with police officer talking and all she had to do was state he did not want them in her house.

She had a seizure the previous day and was totally out of it. They still had her sign all of these ridiculous documents giving custody to the state temporarily.

Then for months her caseworker avoided her and we did not find out where sd8 was. Finally got public defender and got the services for reconciliation because we just barely prevented paternal grandmother from getting custody of SD8 in october.

All of a sudden she's down there by herself on different medication having eegs done for her epilepsy and she signs away her rights?

paternal grandmother knows I'm not an idiot and wants to have her way. She gets a ridiculous amount of benefits. She gets food stamps, free child care money, foster care money, tax breaks etc etc.

Yet WAW thinks she's doing this out of the goodness of her heart. LOL CPs tried to call her before they took custody we called several times and left voice mails and she did not answer. She purposely waited to be her foster mother.

She does not put stipulations on SD8 father though. He's thousands of miles away and he can talk visit see and doesn't have to send a cent.

He blatantly refused to do any services to even attempt to keep sd8 out of foster care. Yet the man who was taking care of SD8 is "the bad guy"

the next step is to try to hook WAW with SD8 horrendous bio dad or she wont be allowed to see her at all if we do not stop this adoption.

It sickens and disgusts me especially considering SD8 father is the man who gave WAW herpes.


hopefully we can get S8 TESTED (paternal gradmother doesn't believe it) to see if she has it.

WAW is all of a sudden convinced that due to her epilepsy and all that other crap she can't take care of SD8. there was never a problem before.

Toys and possessions do not make a happy child. SD8 is angry at me (paternal grandmother told her i'm the reason she's gone) and we were supposed to have counseling sessions to address that.

WAW is walking on egg shells doing everything to not piss this woman off and begged me not to call and unload on her or I will make it worse.

I haven't called but I honestly thought about it. I'm calling lawyers and talking to my lawyers (disability lawyers who will take the case for free)

to get this overturned. I'm also looking into ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES and taking advantage of disabled individuals because she's doing this on purpose

uggh this is freaking frustrating. I had an extremely good job at apple. Then total company layoffs and eye issues. she had a very good state job that she could have retired from. WAW idiot sister signed for the FMLA documents (the state mailed them to wrong address) and because she did not get to fill them out they took her off sick leave and put job abandonment in the system.

I have just been thinking on this on my own not talking to WAW until I can come up with a solution. I need to get a freaking job. Business has been slow slow slow due to the recession.

This is why I was going back to school to get into a computer related hospital position so that I can not have a luxurious position that always lays off and cuts back. Hospitals are going to always be around.

I just gotta keep applying keep focusing on my goals and I'm also working on detaching.

After date and rendevous with WAW i've texted her once and talked to her for five mins. She called me two times last night but i was asleep. Neither one has called the other yet.

She needs space right now as do I. we were supposed to meet up today as I dont have an appointment until friday but i'm not going to do that yet.

I'm trying to talk to lawyers and set up job interviews.

Well Ive filled out alot of jobs today. I have taken a walk and done some reading. I've also talked to the college to try to get back in school. I will know something tommorrow morning. *crosses fingers*

I really want to finish my degree and become a computer teacher working with special needs children. Who better to understand and try to inspire than someone who has accomplish so much in spite of their own disabilities?

I want my children to know you can make it no matter what curveball is thrown your way. I want WAW to see that too and that you don't have to give up or lose hope.

Maybe that's why allowed me to go through this and have these disabilities. Maybe my purpose is to fight through it and inspire other people.

I can see myself helping these children who are just like me. I want to make this dream a reality.

NC from WAW today. I expect her to pull back whenever we get close. So Ill give her space and time to think and when she does call I'll just be positive.