I'm supposed to be working, but I got on this website instead! Bad me!
How open should you be with BIL? I think that you should open enough so that he could relate a message to your WAH that you want. Know what I mean?
I don't think you should ask him what he thinks your chances are or anything like that. But you could throw out the idea that there's a chance WAH'll change his mind in the next year or so, and see how he responds. (This is only if he brings up talking about it!) Then again, if you don't want that to get back to the WAH, don't say it!
After your BIL spends time with WAH (I forget if you're in the same city right now or not) you could ask how WAH is doing. But then you might not like what you hear. It's best if you don't ask, but it will be really tempting! I just did and got a lot of info. . . not sure that I like it, either.
Well, that's all I can think of. My in-laws are coming into town on Wednesday, too! So we both might have a bit of stirring up. . .
TTYL, back to work!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
All you are letting GO of is his immaturity ... if that's all there is, he isn't coming back and you are better off.
If he DOES find the maturity and comes back then great... but you aren't his mother. you need to cut his apron strings and find out ifi he's a man or a coward.
Let the immauturity go and run its course.
I want to find the strength to do just this. Maybe I need to get away, get out of town... I am not able to face the brutal reality.
Says she shouldn't be relating what each is saying to the other, but that WAH told her he was scared to contact me because I might ask about or bring up the OW again.
What? You might bring up the OW again? Why would he be scared of that? Sounds so out-of-his-mind-ish. It sounds like crazy talk, really.
Is he still with her or not? More questions!!
I think one thing is clear, though-- he feels guilty! Otherwise he wouldn't care if you brought up the OW. Guilt, guilt, guilt.
In response to your question, yes, that you're moving on. Not totally that you're done. . . unless you think that would help. (Sometimes it helps, they say. . . )
Sorry about the MIL phone call. If you're like me, you're in an analyzing cycle, trying to figure out what that all means. . . it will pass.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
when it comes to your BIL, be careful not to pay to much or put too much pressure on him. i would probably try to win him over, let him see the good in you and what your H left behind. hopefull he will go back and tell H he is being a shmuck for what he is doing to you, rather than go back and tell H you were prying for info. in other words, be yourself, be calm, be happy, be positive. Be everything you want your H to find out about you.
As for the MIL... how dare she! if they are not going to be nuetral parties or help with what is right, then they should stay out! Does your H really need his mother fighting his battles or talking for him. H is just using your words against you to validate his fears and feelings.
Hope H writes back soon! and would be really nice if he made the MC appointment.
He must be. Otherwise why would he be afraid of me questioning him.
MIL says don't ask because then he will be forced to chose.
My mother thinks I should just write him an email and ask once and for all what his plans are with OW so that we establish a degree of honesty and trust from which we can work together, at least as coparents if nothing else, down the track.
and then there's always that hope that he might wake up when he meets the baby.
But i am believing less and less in that right now.
BD, MIL is telling me that from her p.o.v it's best not to push him on the A cos she reckons it will tip him over. She's resting her hopes on the baby's arrival. But I also sense that she is coming around to accepting the idea that his affair with OW might have some inkling of credibility. These bloody Europeans romantics! Yes, I wish she'd stop calling - cos her support is tipping over into being the opposite. I want to tell her perhaps it's just best to call and talk about the baby, nothing else.
As for BIL - yes, if only I was any of those things today. What I can be is calm and respectful, if not chirpy. Having a bad week. Probably cos I am off work now and have too much time to think (as G senses :/)
As for the therapy - it's not MC, it's parenting counseling. I wish it were MC but we are sooooooooooooo not there.
