Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives One life / But we're not the same

Hey Michelle! Just caught up on your thread, thanks so much for the advice on mine. SO glad about the check, that's great news! The alt is a crazy place, be careful out there, watch out for X's.

I am sure he is curious. But I don't really care. He made his choices, he wanted to be D, he can live with the freaking consequences. I waited around and gave him solid chances at R. D finalized though, and I have moved on. There is less drama in my life w/o him and his on-again off-again OW in my life.

Jon - I don't know why your comment made this pop into my head, but I remember fording rivers in Oregon Trail and having logs pop up and losing Oxen. Cuz you always lose some Oxen. You gotta watch out for those darn oxen! LOL

Love the response Michelle! Brilliant. That man really doesn't get it. I think you are totally right, he wants to friend you as proof to himself that he's not such a bad guy and did do any real damage. WRONG! If you give him an inch, he'd take a foot and you need that foot for running.

Got a response.....

"Both are excellent theories and at one point both would've been true.

Interesting story on that point. Not long ago I heard a song. It ruined my entire day because I can't hear it and not think of you. It actually referances a good time we had, but I just had this knee jerk reaction to get angry when the thought of you came up and I spent the day sulking over reasons to dislike you, how I hate you keeping in touch with my family etc... Most of which comes from the year after I got home when my life felt like hell and I couldn't do anything right. But I woke up the next day and in my sleep I had worked out how hard it must've been to handle a marriage with a misanthropic, uncommunicative war veteran that hated all your friends and your choice of career. And I was suddenly over hating you and using that anger as a justification for a variety of unpleasant things I've done. You were right BTW. We had a conversation before we separated where you wanted me to go talk to somebody about PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder]. I was livid at the time at the suggestion. Turns out getting several concussions and a TBI [traumatic brain injury - don't understand why he made that distinct from the concussion] in a year has emotional effects on a person. Sorry you had to deal with that and that I ignored your advice.

I'm actually not interested in your forgiveness, to return to your original point. I figure if you haven't or won't forgive me then you'll ignore me and that'll be the end of it. Nor do I think you want to be my friend. If you did you would have said something to that end already. You've tried that in the past and I shot you down for various petty reasons. Can't imagine why you hate me now...

So... then you are wondering WTF? Why am I writing you? It was nice seeing you doing so well the other day and I enjoyed our conversation. So I just thought that I would say hello and try to be on speaking terms with a very nice and cheerful woman that has had a big impact on my life over the last 8 years. And I figure what better way to put all the hurt and anger behind me than to try to see the good in you for your own sake without drawing in my own opinions from the small bad part of our marriage and trying to be a friend as (very small) thank you for being there for so much of my adult life.

Also there is the part where I don't talk much about what I'm thinking. Kinda like a cat. A cat will run and play but if it sees that its being watched it'll stop to keep it's decorum. There's been a few things I've wanted to say but my own attitude got in the way and kept me from saying anything that you would ridicule if I expressed that I actually do feel something like kindness, or regret, or sent you an email trying to say hi. And I finally don't care what anybody thinks of me. So I'm free to tell a person to [censored] off and free to tell you that I think you are a really great person - you're only serious issue is that you hate to clean the bathroom.

I'd love to hear from you, good work on that running, you should really try a run/walk plan for a 1/2 marathon - it's addictive, doesn't matter what your time is, just that you show up and do it!!! There is one called "avenue of the vines" coming up that I think you'd love since you are into wine.

Cheers!

-Me"

Wow! So what are you going to say? I am at a loss at the moment.

kat

Who knows.

I have no idea what to think.

I don't know which parts to believe either. Some of it sounds defensive, he snuck in one insult (last time it was the hair, this time it was the bathroom cleaning), and he never does really explain (at least in a way that makes sense to me) why he sent the friend request.

I can't help but think a lot of it was knee jerk. He didn't follow the 48 hour rule. He replied to my message very quickly (I wasn't on my computer this weekend much and thus didn't read it until this AM).

Well it seems that he finally realizes how great you are(little slow there, because we already knew!) Finally seems to realize that he did/does have some issues regarding Post tramatic stress. Maybe you should tell him that you might be able to be friends maybe 10 years down the road but just can't right now.

kat

I was surprised he can spell. A man must know to claim defeat with grace, in this case, say I f@cked up with grace, he tried but he is too stupid proud to actually do it...

He seems to be reaching out in much the same way an alcoholic would...to make ammends. It's not exactly the apology that you would expect but he did seem to try a little.

As far as FB friending him....still not a good idea since you'd inevitably be hit with pics of him and updates you don't want to see. You don't need that and you don't need him in your personal business either.

Do you plan on replying to him?