Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 5 weeks left to DB - need help with my plan

G - we are in the same city. He didn't get work interstate and is concentrating on finding work here now.

Okay off to clean those windows!

Hi, Piano! Whoa- you are sounding very healthy and strong! I remember everyone EVERYONE always telling me: "just take care of yourself and that baby- don't worry about WH right now" HAHAHAHAHAHA! Like we could really not worry about WH? I know you know what I mean!

However, I hope you feel a sense of control in sending that letter to him. It was very strong! I did not find DBing until after S was born. I only knew ultimatums before then, and when that didn't work I had no clue what to do other than D and I didn't want to D. I also hoped he would wake up after S was born.

So you are really doing a smart, thorough job, Piano! Good work! As for the next 5 weeks, there isn't much else you can do DBing wise, other than LRT (in my opinion) if he is with OW. The ball is in his court regarding how involved he will be with the baby.
I do recommend from hindsight that you start the parenting plan right away- I was so worried about WH not bonding to S- but S didn't know he existed until around 2 months of age, maybe 3!

How long will you BIL stay with you?

Newmama! If I remember right, you took a break and are now back! (And I'm checking your current thread and that seems to be the case.) You seem like a wise one, so I'm glad you're back.

All right, Piano, positive thoughts:

+ There almost always is an OW in these sitches, so we can generally assume that all of WHs are pursuing one. So we can also assume that most success stories had one, too!
+ These OWs have to be low-quality ladies (ha!) because, really, who would date a guy who was married with a baby on the way?
+ There WILL be a day when he will look at OW and wonder if she was worth it. It's likely that the relationship will end.

+ I keep thinking about what you said on my post the other day about a "favourite person" not being by your side. But here's the flip side of that: for YEARS you had a best bud and a great marriage. He can't take those years away from you because they're done.
+ You'll have a favorite person again, hopefully WH, but if not, you will find happiness.

I estimate you're around 35 weeks, huh? You are probably a lot bigger than BD and me! I'm 31 weeks and just starting to feel tired. . . the baby is almost here, yay!

ps-- I hope your new haircut is kicka**!

NM, let me say it again, great to have you back :-) Thanks for the confidence booster.
It IS possible to have a baby and DB. Yes, yes yes!
BIL staying for a few weeks, if not longer. Ticket open...
Mother Nature kicked in this week - she's slowing me down and making more self-protective. Setting boundaries should be made easier.
I am going to scour the web looking for a parenting plan...

Gatsby... yes 35 weeks. At around 31, 32 you really notice the baby growing very big..and subsequently your body is sapped of energy. Still lovely though.
Thanks for the positive thoughts. I will try to keep them in mind when I feel down.

Should I send an sms to WAH asking him not to enter my flat tonight when he drops off BIL? Boundary setting?

I don't see why you shouldn't tell him! I hope you got this in time!

P,

one thing someone told me, dont stress about the inlaws. Although it may seem as though they are picking up for their son, it doesnt mean they agree with him. I am sure she is as hurt for him and she is for you. Would you want to see you child making the huge mistake these WAHs are making by leaving their pregnant wives, instead of embracing the beauty and miracle of these little babies! It took me a while to get that.

Lots of luck with the BIL. I am not sure I would ask H to not enter when he drops his brother off... not sure if either would benefit you. Although you can show him your 180 and how strong you are and have gotten if he does come inside. but make sure you are strong enough to handle that first. Maybe the chicken H is using his brother as a middle man? im not sure.

G, what if there is no OW. My H is livining with his parents and is home every weekend. we share most of the same friends. Why would she still hide 3 months later? I would much rather know there is someone else than to think i was just that awful.
i do however think he could have possibly had an EA and maybe him realizing he had feelings for someone else, made him see he really didnt love me? Im not sure. We now are about 5 city blocks away from one another. I guess if he is having an A with OW, they are still sneaking around and hiding. H swears on every living thing that there is absolutely no one. I dont know what to think anymore.

I am 27 weeks... you two are both further along than me!

Off to work now... i really need to GAL and stop spedning so much time on here. but this is part of GAL right? chatting with friends?

xo

Need some assistance. I need a refuge in order to have this baby in peace!

Am getting a trickle of emails all of a sudden from H's friends n family in Europe saying how difficult it must for me but hoping I will respect the child's need for a father.
Yes, of course in theory I agree.

But I'll tell you how it FEELS.

Like being violated.

I have been horribly emotionally abused by my WAH and I am supposed to let him into my life so soon.

Am I sick in head?

I feel like cutting my email account and my telephones and literally finding somewhere to go where I cannot be contacted by 'well-meaning' people.

Don't they realise what strenght I have to muster to have this baby under these circumstances??

And they want me to think of HIM?

Do I reply?

Or just let all these emials go?


* BIL arrived last night. Stayed for an hour then went out till 3am with H.

* H called to say he won't come in the flat. I was cold and said "Naturally. Goodbye".

I'd rather preserve my sanity than my M!