Kalni, I have told H that I need space, that I cannot be around him right now.
IDK what I want to know - maybe WHY. I have all of these questions running through my head. Why did he do it? Why didn't he talk to me if he was unhappy? Why was he so unwilling to work on things with me? I'm sure the answers have everything to do with him being in the fog. I guess I just need to let it go for now and not focus on why, but instead focus on the blessings in my life.
To answer your question, no I don't need more info to make me more upset. I guess I just feel like this has gone on for so looooong and I was looking for anwers and closure or something. But details probably won't bring closure, just more pain.
PH, I ordered "Not Just Friends" this weekend. It has shipped so I should have it soon. Come on snail mail, I need that book badly!
I thought about the key logger to see if H is now telling the truth. The past couple of months, he has acted like he might want to come home. I thought the key logger might help me to see if he is being sincere or just feeding me more lies. I also thought it would help me to know if the A has really ended. But then again, I don't need the nitty gritty details. I'm having a hard enough time with just confirmation of the cheating, let alone details.
PDT, gambling could be an issue. That's a whole different mess though. IDK if it's a problem, I just know he does it.
Gnosis, I do need to refocus. At one point, I was doing great with finding happiness in myself and DD and looking at the wonderful things in my life - I gotta try to get back there. It's so hard bc my head is clouded with horrible, depressing thoughts. I have so much anger flowing inside of me and it's toxic, I need a better outlet for dealing with it. It makes me short on patience and leads to frustration at the smallest, dumbest things. I'm so much better than that! My personality is usually really upbeat, happy and enthusiastic - this is draining me.
I'm so glad summer is almost here. I need to see sunshine and need to relax outside - finding joy in the small things again. Going to the zoo with DD, hanging out with my neighbors on the wkends, taking DD to the playground, going for walks and bike rides - that sort of stuff.
I wonder what H is thinking about me not contacting him. He's said, "I know you don't want to talk to me." Does it bother him? I guess it doesn't matter - it's just one of the hundreds of thoughts running through my head.
Gotta run for now. DD wants to go outside.
Thank you for the support. I haven't told anyone but you guys about H's cheating. It's good to let it out.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I only have a second, but I wanted to add that H is almost making me feel guility for taking DD to Disney - saying that he really doesn't want to miss her seeing it for the 1st time. Even mentioned that he could go if we wait until July.
Now really - isn't that unfair? He's the reason we aren't taking a family vacation. And how about all of the many times he totally neglected spending time with DD when he was out with OW?
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
...the "victim" is coming out of him. My W tried to turn the tables and portray herself as the "victim" as well....she had the A not me, big girl decisons have big girl resluts, now she doesn't like some of the results she brought about by HER desisions...(switch "she" with "he" and we have similar victims)...my 2 cents anyhow
Last edited by gman; 04/13/1012:50 PM.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Stay the course. Spend some quality Mom-Daughter time with DD3!
If your husband persists in whining about it, say something like "Please stop whining about this. This is a consequence to your own actions, and frankly it's not very attractive. We're both going to have to begin to have some time with just us and DD3, so I've decided to start now."
How in the hell do they get to a point where they try to rationalize their cheating and act like the victim? As if ANY unhappiness or anything else could justify cheating, lying and tearing a family apart.
Oh sure...he's the victim. He's off screwing OW and I'm stressed out to the max, crying my head off, post on here bc I'm totally confused, read book after book, pray, try to keep DD happy, try to GAL so I'm not eaten up by fear, stress and depression....WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sitting here shaking my head in disbelief.
I'm really just venting here.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
IDK how to respond to that - that's freaking JACKED UP!
"You ruined my affair." That one has left me close to speechless.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
How did I miss that post? I think I should make myself a margarita and just be shocked at how ludicrous these cheating jackasses are.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
