SH, I don't have any advice for you in this sitch being that I haven't been confronted with it yet. It truly sounds like your H is in it deep though. He is very confused and the fog is thick.
Talking to your L is very wise. It may give your H pause when he finds out just what his responsibility and obligations are if he continues on this path.
Keep being detached. Stay off his ride to the extent you can and protect yourself.
I'm sure our wise DBer's will be along to advise you how to proceed for damage control.
I'm really floored by this whole flip-flop, since all seemed to moving forward based in practicality & sense (what was I thinking?! this is MLC, after all!)...
I have no idea what might have happened between Fri night and yesterday afternoon that caused the monster to return, but it returned with a vengeance... and seems to have absolutely no compassion or care about what happens to the house (foreclosure?!) or to me financially...
I am truly lost.
Cancelled GAL plans for today, since I am sooooo messed up right now!
Hang in there SH. He could flip flop back again just as fast.
Keep expectations at zero to help keep you centered. Remember as far as they're concerned it's all about them and they are very selfish right now.
Find out what is best for you and do what you have to to protect yourself because your H can't and won't help you at this time as he cannot not see beyond himself.
SH, Your h appears to have had a moment of clarity and wanted to return home. Once he realized just how close he was to returning and what that would mean in the way of being under the same roof w/you and the family, responsibilities, etc., he ran right back into the rabbit hole. Yep, it's down a complete turn around for a bit.
Speak to your lawyer and continue on the path you are on. I wouldn't say a word to him about his belongings being there and the fact that he's moved most of them back in. I would sit quietly and patiently and allow things to fall into your lap. I know you were "expecting" him to be moved back in this week, but he thought he was ready and it scared the heck out of him.
Protect yourself emotionally and financially. He's not ready to do anything in the way of responsibility, etc. The focus now has to be on you. Leave him to bake up further in the mlc oven.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This is sooo difficult when this happens. My H has been very intense in his touch and go's to the point where we talked about the marriage and our relationship.
Like your H mine came to far out and has frightened himself and run for the rabbit hole under the hill....
I know everyone says have no expectations but unfortunately it does raise our hopes. If it is any help it does get easier the more times they run for the hills. I find each time I am more realistic about what is going on so when he runs I am now never surprised!
He called & I read out to him some practical thoughts and reactions that I put together, letting him know that I had completely dropped any notions of romance, and this was strictly a practical, financial arrangement about a shared investment. He agreed & was kind (for now).
I feel calm, focused & strong....not sad - but flat & determined to make this work for the highest good. Only attached to taking care of ME & finding employment & healing...
What a wacky episode! I'm so glad that he heard & agreed w my words...
Stay tuned! BB
Me 42 H39 M 10 years, T 12.75 years MLC began spring 2009 ILYBNILWY 1/18/10 WAS 2/5/10 EA revealed 3/6/10 EA ended (by her) 3/7/10 M - DOA...but working on getting disentangled.
Tell him you don't care where he chooses to live. It's up to him. It's always been up to him. Whatever is fine with you. You're sure he'll make a good decision.
Don't have any meetings. Stay away from him but pleasant the first week. Do something kind but not pressuring like leaving him some leftovers at end of week. Then go back to pleasant but mostly unavailable. When and if he mentions doing anything with you, sitting in the yard, whatever. Do so casually as you would with a friend.
Initiate no R talks! Give him undivided attention if he decides to talk about his interests and concerns. That's how you do quality time now. If he asks for it, give it plesantly. Then go back to your own life.
Good luck to you. You can stay off the rollercoaster if you are busy a lot and super strong.
Have no expectations. You're goign to have to seek outside support to even get through this and be detached. I hope it works out for you.
It sounds like he will have a lot of reactions every day and project some on to you. Some will be correct and based on past interactions so it will be difficult for you not to fall into old patterns. Good luck.
