Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Show of hands - expose or not - success stories

With all due respect Puppy, it wasn't as clear cut as that and I think your synopsis gives a slightly false impression.

I know it would take too long for you to explain everything here, but you have had a hard long road to travel and from what I know of your sitch 'proper' reconciliation has taken a long time and huge amounts of hard work on your part.

I think what a lot of posters don't understand is that 'busting' the A is just the start of the long hard road.

Mr Bond, I'd love to hear more on what you discovered on that survivinginfidelity website. What are some things that you remember being mentioned that made WAS's turn around?

Puppy, can you please post a link to your sitch? I looked for it and didn't find it. I take hope from what you write. I don't know if it translates to my sitch as you're a man and women like a man who stands up - read in my DH's emails that he sees me trying and is sad because there's no hope for us... not sure if standing up is the right thing or doing the total DB thing. Sure would love to read your sitch through.

passenger,

Pup used to post under another name, but also he has a thread somewhere else that gives the links I think. I am not sure if he started a thread in piecing but didn't use it much, as most folks know him in newcomers and infidelity.

I exposed in my sitch and you can see from my tag line that my M is still together and going strong. I won't give details though as everyone's experience is different and my sitch won't be relevant to you.

You have to do what is right for you. Your M won't heal whilst there are three people in it, but there are different ways to try and save it. Exposure works for some and not others.

It would be useful to hear from some posters who exposed and it didn't help save the M, so you can see the pitfalls of this route also. Trouble is, they will have probably moved on and stopped posting.

saffie. I disagree.

Puppys words speak volumes. When you and I read them. We know what he is saying and what he did to walk on that path.

Some times a few words need to be spoken. Then left alone.

Those with knowledge will understand. Those who are beginning the journey will have a choice. Seek the knowledge and wisdom to walk the path they choose. Or wallow in limbo. Or walk away.

And as I just reread again what you wrote.

You and I are saying the same thing. But differently.

So I agree with you saffie.

I guess I could fall into that category...but as CB and allen said- it's measured over time.

I exposed A1- busted it and it fell apart...W went through withdrawals for about a week...then she met OM2, and moved out...by the time I exposed A2 (btw- she always denied A1 and no one believed me) MIL had already met OM2...there was alot of stress as mutual friends were involved...

Rather han denying A2- she and OM2 made their R official, W dropped her M'd name on FB and the rest, seemingly is history.

W is "in love" w/ OM2, having sex, and feels no guilt...MIL won't communicate w/ me, and all W's friends support her in her decision and do not judge her (outwardly).

Do I know what will happen from here? No. W still has not filed, and we don't speak anymore.

Sadly I still love her and would like for the M to work...

I think if W has already made clear to her friends and supports that she is unhappy, done, and GOING TO D- then exposure may not do any good, other than Allen's points of what it will do for you as a man and a LBS- those strengthenings of confidence and character are always much needed.

However if OM is M'd or something, I think 1) it's just the moral and correct thing to do- and 2) the A busting may help the M, as OM would likely recommit to his M.

Wish you the best

It is a "long hard road" whichever fork you take, Saffie. One can either sit passively, do the "Little Bo-Peep" thing, and after a year or two (or three, or more), IF their self-esteem is still intact and their family's finances aren't totally drained, hope that once the OM/OW dumps their cheating spouse, they can work on their marriage. And they'll STILL have all that hard work left to do.

Or they can choose to bust the affair aggressively, and begin the tough work of reconciliation much, much sooner.

He asked for a show of hands -- I raised mine.

Puppy

I used to post as "Chocolateeyes," before the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" got me and several others banned, for speaking our minds about some of the areas we felt DB fell short when it comes to Infidelity situations.

Here's a link. My wife's affair began in May 2007, and ended in August 2007, if you want to cut thru the thousands of posts and dozens of threads.

[url= http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&id=5518&view=posts&page=1]Choc's Old Posts[/url]

Hope that helps,

Puppy

I see the board's "link" feature -- always spotty -- isn't working again this morning. Just copy and paste that into your browser, and you should be able to see an Index of all of my old posts.

Puppy

OK, first, its not a Blanket statement, I just said I haven't seen one, I didn't say there aren't any.. THAT would be a blanket statement. Also, I made a clear point that attributing CAUSE is a very delicate think to try to do and to be wary, but you went and did it anyways claiming "sometimes it doesnt'" And I agree with puppy, I don't buy what people having affairs or having had affairs say they would do in that situation, its just like MWD says - ignore 100% of what they say.



The idea is to try. Yes, it doesn't always help, there are tons of posts on this forum where talking to family members did didly squat.



You think walking out on your partner and deliberately fracturing your family into a divorce brings you confidence and dignity? Seriously? I SERIOUSLY doubt THAT.