Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Sol's separated thread

I'm sorry I can't help much, but your thinking too much comment... Yeah, I know how that feels.

I read this book called "The Power of Now"

Really interesting stuff about living in the moment. I'm usually bored with stuff like that but this one caught my attention and really held it.

As long as I can't give any advice on your sitch, I would like to recommenced that book to you. If nothing else, its a really interesting read about how you can control your own mind.

((( Soleil )))

Let him do whatever as long as it doesn't involve crossing your boundaries. You cannot be his big mommy. Let him be responsible for his own actions.

This is when it's important having your own life, so you are not sitting there waiting on him.

I agree that expectations play a big part in making M work. They say when getting married, women expect to change their men, and men expect nothing will ever change. lol

WholeAgain, I think W and I were exactly the opposite. I thought I could change STBXW, help her, lift her out of her depression. STBXW gave up on me because -- I think -- she believes I can't change.

The Power of Now is an excellent book. There's a chapter on marriage that I've struggled with for 11 months. Tolles writes that many people aren't actually in love with their spouse, they are in love with being in a relationship.

I've really, really, really tried to figure that out. There are lots of times, when I'm occupied and out having fun that I don't think about STBXW at all. That leads me to believe I was just in love with being in a relationship.

But I'm not entirely sure.

Happy weekend, guys.

Spoke with H last night who said he never saw that I called him on Wed. When I asked why he didn't come to MC, he said he forgot. Then said "Sorry." I asked if he really forgot & he said "how many times are you going to ask me that?"

He has never missed a MC before.

We are supposed to do something later.

I haven't slept well since about mid-week and feel stressed, anxious and emotionally drained.

Saw my IC today & that was helpful.

Konfuseeed had asked me for advice and I answered. Then afterward people were posting how he should think twice about what I was saying, etc. which made me feel strange. He wanted my opinion and I provided it. I felt I could provide a viewpoint since I cited the same problem areas his W did.

This is an advice board and I realize all the advice given on here works in reverse for me since I'm the one who left and well, it's confusing.

It seems like you have this "dance": he does stuff to get your reaction and you react. You want to break that pattern, but you continue to dance along.

Now what you could have done, after him saying he forgot, is to continue your conversation like it did not bother you a slightest (I hope him missing MC was not the only topic of your conversation) and then cut the conversation shot and go about your business. Oh, honey, I have a call on another line, good night!

((( Soleil )))

Try to make yourself happy. Go for a walk in the park, do some hobbies, take a bath.

I had a nice weekend. Saw him, we hung out, he stayed over, yada yada. He said we have to resched our next MC since he has the HVAC guy coming over that day. I will tell him to reschedule it himself since he missed the last one. We are getting along. I see that he does do things to get a reaction but alas, must not bite. We are so much better now than we were a year ago even if we're not living together.

Good for you!



What types of things is he doing/saying? Is there any way you can respond in a way he's not expecting? Maybe put him off balance enough to make him reconsider doing it again another time? I did that once this weekend with my H... it surprised him enough he started to laugh and we ended up sharing a chuckle poking fun at what he'd said (just light-heartedly, not in a malicious way). (Which frankly was quite enjoyable, having the 'tables turned' for once!)

Keep sharing your thoughts and experiences, soleil! I firmly believe that when you express an opinion it benefits everyone hearing it, helping them learn and grow. Stay strong! Your viewpoint is a valuable one and I appreciate you're a part of this community.

PS Hope you're sleeping well again - that's awful when you have a stretch of that. Makes everything tougher. Take care!