so....as most of you know i hang around and comment on peoples situations and try to give support to those who need it (kind of paying it forward for all those who have helped me) - starting to think i might need a break from posting for a while...wondering if reading soooo many people's threads about A's is keeping me from getting past my W's
kind of like keeping it at the surface....does this make sense?
anywho, just wondering peoples thoughts on this....
I know exactly what you're talking about. Sometimes I think hanging out here holds back my healing too. Although I love giving back to this board after all the support it's given me, I may eventually have to say goodbye to it, at least for a while.
Regarding your situation, this is why moving away after an A can be such a good thing. Might be painful uprooting the family, but can you imagine how good it would feel getting a fresh start away from OM and these other people that know what happened? Knowing your W isn't going to run into OM at any time?
I know exactly what you're talking about. Sometimes I think hanging out here holds back my healing too. Although I love giving back to this board after all the support it's given me, I may eventually have to say goodbye to it, at least for a while.
Just want to say I agree with you both on this point. I find myself very depressed when I read all the sitches. Though it's great giving and getting advice...
I know what you guys mean about feeling like some of the threads make you feel like it's holding back your healing but one thing I remembered from the beginning of my sitch was that I felt like I HAD TO ALLOW MYSELF TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS in ORDER TO HEAL. I felt that if I supressed those feelings, it would drag my healing process out. You are grieving...
Does that make sense?
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
but can you imagine how good it would feel getting a fresh start away from OM and these other people that know what happened? Knowing your W isn't going to run into OM at any time?
i almost want to just call or meet him just to get our "inevitable" encounter over with.
maybe i will take the week-end off from the board and see if it changes anything....but on the other hand NO ONE knows that this happened so i really have no one to talk to so posting helps me....i think i am in a catch .22 right now.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
but can you imagine how good it would feel getting a fresh start away from OM and these other people that know what happened? Knowing your W isn't going to run into OM at any time?
i almost want to just call or meet him just to get our "inevitable" encounter over with.
maybe i will take the week-end off from the board and see if it changes anything....but on the other hand NO ONE knows that this happened so i really have no one to talk to so posting helps me....i think i am in a catch .22 right now.
I know the feeling.
I kept quiet about my marital problems for MONTHS. I thought I was going to explode.
Do you journal at all (besides here)..?
Is there anything close to you that you can trust to talk to?
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
have a few close friends but no one i would want to share this with...not a chance in with anyone from my family, W would be ostricized more than she already is.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
have a few close friends but no one i would want to share this with...not a chance in with anyone from my family, W would be ostricized more than she already is.
I completely understand.
You need some sort of outlet though.. KWIM?
I hate seeing you go through the same thing I went through..
I wouldn't wish that on anybody..(maybe just the OW; although I wish her worse than that)
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Gman, have you seen an IC? A third party objective person is a good idea for telling all this info to/venting without the criticism/commentary some friends & family can have...
Soleil - i have been on fence about IC, probably more afraid than anything....remember i am a man...i am a fixer, i don't look to the outside to fix things for me. What kind of IC should i look for? don't know where to even begin.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
LOL. Get a phone book or get on Google and start researching. Go and visit and then continue when the person you have a good rapport with, who makes you feel comfortable divulging your deepest darkest secrets to (muahahahaha--evil laugh).
In my sitch when losing my mind I was freaking out crying on the phone to my girlfriends and while they are my girlfriends I deeply regret it now. Since the split I have been totally mum and seeing an IC. And it HELPS.
Gman, just give it a whirl. Talking about this stuff may really work wonders for you. Keeping it all in isn't a good thing. Journaling helps too as someon said above.
