Like it says on this board sometimes when they come out of the tunnel they keep some of their bad traits. I'm sorry it didn't work out for the two of you. If your D, I don't think going dark is going to help either way. I feel it's a way to protect yourself during the MLC rollercoaster ride. I know it's tuff to go dark while living with someone I'm in the same sitch.
Remember not only have you learned alot, but you also became a better person. If you still L your H talk to him and listen. This board has given you many tools to avoid fighting. Even though he won't be in your life, he still might be hurting. I believe an MLC is a sickness, believing this helps me get through the pain.
Cel, Mer, and Fixer do you think if you get a chance you could hop over to my thread? Having a rough day today as usual, but could use some advice from some people that have been going through this for a while.
I know how you feel. I honestly believed after living with his parents for 6 months then going on his own for the first time in his life he would have come home. I always helped him with his depression and when he felt down and out about losing his hair, gaining weight I always boosted his self esteem. My H was always insecure and I told him I would love him no matter what he looked like.
See I know for a fact the my H lied to my IL's about me and changed the whole thing around so I would look like the bad guy and guess what, they think that. They haven't even contacted the kids in 16 months! Well, I really have 2 sets of IL's. H didn't talk to his real mother for 12yrs. and then when he moved out of step-mother and father's house to get his own place it only lasted 3 months. He told D13 that they never came to see him or anything. My IC was right. See H's step-mother is a very selfish person and she is very controlling. So my IC told me that she would set him up in an apartment near their home and would then continue on with her own life. Oh by the way, they don't believe in depression and believe I was the cause of H's depression if he had it. Just like he told me, that I was the cause of it. Well, he moved from that city closer to his real mother and made amends with her.
Boy, his father would have a fit if he knew. I know that's why he doesn't take the kids to their house anymore and probably tells them that I won't let him see them. He lies so much since he's been going through this. He is afraid they will slip up and say something about being around the other set of grandparents.
When H was a child and his 3 other siblings they had to choose who they wanted to be with, they put those kids through hell. And H being the baby of the family got shoved back and forth.
Sorry for going on and on, but my point is now he has been in this apartment for 8 months and I really thought it would wake him up, but nope! Maybe because he is near his mother's side of the family. I don't know. But I did know that he was always afraid of living alone. Now he is telling D13 that he is thinking of moving again, says he can't afford this apartment but is looking into renting a house since he destroyed our credit when he first left. Now, he is in a one bedroom apartment which he can afford.....TRUST ME! And is saying he is moving into a whole home to rent which he could afford too!!! It just doesn't make any sense to me at all. But I don't think he will be moving soon because with this apartment there is a lease and it isn't up until Sept.
See, that is where I got my hopes up. Thinking he was just going through his depression and would be back home never thinking it was a MLC. Thought that once his step-mother got out of the picture he would come back home. Then like the fool I am, I thought he moved to be closer to us and here he was talking to his real mother and that's probably why he moved closer. She lives closer to me and the kids.
Sorry for going on and on. Do they ever wake up?????????
My H also changed the history of our M to his family, just to make himself look better. People will believe what they want to. Sounds like your H has some unresolved childhood issues. My H does as well.
One thing I do know about MLC, is that the MLC`er will lash out at the person closest to them, which is their spouses.
Don`t give up hope. So what if he`s closer to his mom. Maybe he`ll work on himself through her. Plus he`s closer to you. Maybe that`s what he wanted in the first place. Don`t worry about anything until Sept. See what happens.
Some do wake up. It`s all in how YOU treat them, so being here is good for you.
celestial, i'm sorry to hear this! i can't even imagine after so many years of trying how this must have been a huge decision that is still so hard. i admire you and so many others on here who have really given it their all. it's amazing to see the journey you've been through and how you are actually a better person because of it.
Me 30, H34, M7years Bomb dropped 5/09, S8/09, Living together 2/10 (due to external forces)
Yes, all seemd to be going well between my H and me, This past Jan. was the anniversary of him dropping the bomb 5 years ago. I guess it reminded him and he pleaded with me to move on.
We had in-house separation, so it was easier to DB. I now realize that it was all for me because I have changed for the better, while H is still stuck with his MLC thoughts. I have a great sense of who I am, and I get along so much better with everyone.
