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Thanks idontunderstand and 25.

Journaling:

Had a nice time doing some charity work with the whole family yesterday. W really enjoys it too. Very pleasant interactions between us.

She has asked someone else to dunk her for her baptism, someone appropriate actually, who inspired her to take this step through a testimony they gave at her church. I have zero problem with it and may have even suggested it myself if she didn't come up with it on her own. It was someone who came from a very evil existence and turned their back on it to become a Christian. She was so inspired by this she requested to meet with them.

She said their talk was very emotional as she described her whole situation and how she came to be at this point in her life, finding faith. I didn't ask details but she was enthusiastic in calling me soon after the meeting to tell me about it.

She keeps giving off signals of "turning her back on evil and getting her life back in order", so I'm just laying back and seeing what happens. When I stick my beak in, it usually has a negative affect, so I'm sitting tight.

I'm content and patient, waiting for this to swing either way.

Good action plan...

Who knows? Maybe this is God working...

Let's hope so.

There is a lot going on here. Bible study for the both of you, I guarantee that is not a bad thing. Unfortunately, if she were "listening" to God she would be coming to you and her family and making peace before attempting to go before "him." Make peace with your brothers and sisters before you come to me.

Also she must confess, renounce, and repent for her sins. I do not want to be a bump in the road, but I find little faith in men and women, especially when she is in a "fog". To another point, it is clearly stated "God" hates divorce, it breaks up families and causes more issues than can be imagined. I do not know what else to say, except sit back, keep your inner peace. Sounds like you are "doing" all that you can and are on the right track for yourself. If she wants to get her life on track then "he" will help her. But as posted by another earlier he does not mess with "free-will".

As stated before, I know and have faith this will work out and he will make good out of anything bad. Hang in there, you sound better and more peaceful.

I have faith and hope in God doing everything He possibly can to reach her. I don't have the same faith that she will listen to Him. She has done nothing in the way of reaching out to me. Which makes me think that I doubt God's ability to soften her heart, but I know that's not the case. God can do anything, but that doesn't mean He WILL do anything. She has to be willing to choose His path, and if she is not, it won't make a difference what God does since He won't interfere in free will.

I think it is very possible that she see's herself becoming a Christian and applying that faith to her "new" life, and leaving all aspects of her old life behind.

I still think she is completely lost in her fog and enthralled with the OM. That's why I have such a hard time with what she is doing; it doesn't reconcile. But God has His ways of doing things, and her taking this step cannot be a bad thing. I'm just really interested in how this will play out.

I would think that there would be some definite positive movement in our relationship shortly after Sunday if she truly is accepting God. If not, then she is still lost and confused, and likely thinking that she can divorce, marry the OM, and retain God's grace.

Until she is fully hit with the guilt and understands what it is she is doing wrong, positive movement may take a while. Just because she wishes to become a Christian does not mean she will enter into the full submission. As many of us do not, however I agree that given enough time he will move her or give her signs that what she is doing is wrong. "He" has a very funny and persistant way of letting people know when they are way off the path.

I certainly understand the heartache involved in "waiting" and watching. It is not fun, if she wants to do more bible study with you I recommend, proverbs and psalms. Those should give you peace and might start to penetrate the fog overtime.

[quote=thegoodfight]There is a lot going on here. Bible study for the both of you, I guarantee that is not a bad thing.

Also she must confess, renounce, and repent for her sins.


Perhaps that is exactly what God wants. But it is not the spouse's job or position to "make" a wayward spouse do these things, or be their confessor. And what's the goal here, to be reconciled or to be "right"?

It is definitely not a "turn on" to say the least. The last thing this particular wife needs is more shame, although if remorse (which is diff) motivates her to make the changes needed AND her faith helps her keep those changes permanent, then --GREAT!

But any spouse who preaches to or condemns their WAS, while perhaps being morally "right" --is missing out on what the MWD principles are. And they won't be reconciled!. And no, me saying that does NOT equate with me condoning the A behavior.

Sorry, and Forgive me if this offends b/c I don't mean to. But, to me, the idea of an LBS h or w telling a WAS that they must "Confess and repent" sounds almost laughable.

I mean, IF the WAS had normal morals or weren't having some type of MLC, they wouldn't be in an adulterous sitch in the first place - so a sermon won't help, and if anything, it will make the WAS flee even faster. And if the WAS is confused or in a fog (and pigskin's W is more like that than most and isn't using it as an excuse, but seems to have some real problems emotionally) SO if she is starting to feel guilt and insight, and motivation to change, WHAT STOPS A COUPLE FROM RECONCILING IF THE "A" IS OVER???
I believe that when a WAS wants to come home,
the thing that is most likely to keep a reconciliation from happening, is the WAS's belief that they won't be forgiven, and that the LBSer will hold it against them forever, eternally swinging the A over their heads to be brought out every time there's a fight, or disagreement, etc. And I think a sermon under those circumstances would only confirm the fears of the WAS who wants to come back. As I said before, a lot of people who have A's want to come back but are stopped by the belief that they'll never be able to move past it.

ANd sometimes, they're right. So Pigskin has to figure out whether he can ever move forward with this woman, and let go of the past. He has some major forgiveness work to do, but has already started it, knowing that no matter what happens with his wife HE needs to let go of it so HE can be happy again, free from the past. And his w has to believe that it's possible for both of them to go, "from this day forward"... hope I'm being clear and making sense. It's an important point.
j-

I have forgiven my W. I'm not finding it that hard to do, really. Because once we realize that God forgives us over and over and over again, and demands that we do the same, it becomes simpler.

My W IS confused. She is not really exhibiting any behavior toward me that I would expect from someone who has suddenly found God and is committing to Him. She's not mean or vindictive, but she hasn't shown the slightest inkling of reconciliation. I sometimes find it hard but I really have to hold my tongue on the whole "repent for your sins" preaching. It just seems crazy that she would take this step and not reconcile.

I can see your point, 25, that it would likely turn her completely off, even if she wanted a way back.

I noticed a charge on our credit card statement from an adult bookstore. I asked her about her shopping in a roundabout way, just saying we got a mailer from the store with her name on it. She just said "Hmm. Don't know how they got my name." And then made a joke about it being from all the times she shops there, to make it seem preposterous that they got her name.

So she still has no issue lying to my face, but maybe it's understandable that she would be embarrassed by that. Maybe it is a good sign that she's not "getting it" on the side, since it's been 8 months since we've been intimate.

I highly suspect she still sees the OM at lunches with her old work friends, one of which she had just this week. But I have no hard proof, and it doesn't matter anyway. If she can reconcile that with her baptism on Sunday, she has bigger problems than I can help her with.

It will be a very interesting Easter, to say the least. If the OM attends the service, I plan to do nothing out of the ordinary. I will not speak to him; if he has the courage to say a word to me, I will say nothing but "May the Lord be with you and your family". I will ignore anything else he says.

On this Good Friday, as I remember the pain and suffering Jesus undertook on our behalf, despite His complete innocence, I pray for peace and comfort for my DBing brothers and sisters, many of whom are also suffering through no fault of their own.

Some words from Fr. John Corapi (Who, if you've never listened to him, is a wonderful speaker, and worth a listen, I don't care what your denomination is):

"No Pain, no gain.
No cross, no crown.
No Good Friday, no Easter Sunday."

"Why does God allow pain and suffering? To bring a greater good out of it."

May we all realize the Greater Good.

"Amen," Pigskin. Amen.

Happy Easter, brother!

Puppy