Thanks everyone for your advise. Here is my current sitch. Texted my kids mom about OM. She confirmed in text that yes it is her boyfriend. Get this, it is also her boss. Reason she is attracted to him, is because he looks like her father. I just don't get her.
In the last text I sent her, I indicated that she not force our girls to like him. She didn't give them a choice about divorce, her dating other men, and about boyfriend. Why ask them now? - Reason is oldest says that mom asked them if they like OM.
Get this, OM reads her text messages that I send her. If I were to do that, I would be labeled as controlling - but for OM, it is okay. I don't get her.
After divorce, she went to get tattoo, then belly pierced. Don't know wether she had MLC or just had bad influence from family and friends.
I was upset to hear her confirm the boyfriend and girlfriend thing. But in a way, I expected it was going to happen. Part of me says be patient, the other says, Stop kicking yourself in the head and just move on.
I had a plan, but now, I don't know what to do. Any advise?
Is the office romance something that is encouraged in that type of company? In most lines of works it violates ethics, this is an extremely serious matter.
You can talk with HR and/or her "bosses" superiors.
I'm not real big on revenge, but in this case the guy lit you up with alot of fire indirectly through your spouse. There needs to be a repurcussion.
Give it at least 48 hours before you DO anything. That way your head can clear some. You have a lot to think about. Who wants to ahve to deal with some wife's head getting turned everytime someone reminds her of her father? What the hell...
Going to her employer and "tattling" is entirely counterproductive if your ultimate hope is to win back her affection.
Keep in mind that you have been divorced for two years. Two years.
And she cannot "make" your children like the new man in her life, but I don't really see how you can expect her not to allow him around them. Unless of course you have reason to believe that he poses some type of threat to them.
The bottom line here Cade is that you are clearly still REACTING to her, instead of just living your life. When the marriage began to fall apart and you started to recover from the shock of it all, what did you DO as far as looking at yourself?
The first step when we find out that our marriage is in jeopardy is to take a good long look at ourselves and see what it is that we've allowed to slip.
At one time our spouse found us attractive. Attractive enough to want a relationship with us. Something changed, and it likely changed within US and within the RELATIONSHIP long before another person came into the picture. Chances are these changes are what allowed another person to enter the picture.
YOUR work during DB'ing should have been to take stock of yourself and begin making positive changes to return yourself to an improved version of the man you were when you two met.
You can't MAKE your spouse come back to you. But you CAN make yourself someone that she could be attracted to again.
You're not going to do it by spending your time worrying about the current man in her life.
Two years post divorce, you should be well on your way to a normal and fulfilling life. YOu have had ample opportunity to find the better you by now, and to have begun living a life even better than you had with your wife.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Not ALL can be saved...it might just be that your X-wife made the right decission for her and she won't ever see you as a possible partner again...it happens...and 2 years post divorce I personally feel you should be moving on and living a full life for yourself...being a good dad
It might just be that this is what it is...and to keep holding out hope when she is clearly giving signs that she is over you...and has been for at least 2 years...well, I think you need to grieve your loss and be done as well...it is hard...but you can't stay stuck, that would just ensure uncomfortable relations with her forever!
Very good advice everyone. Well here is what I did this morning. I sent a e-card to my daughters wishing them a happy easter. I sent x-wife a text wishing her a happy easter. Then I sent a text to x-wife saying that in regards to her and OM, that I am very happy for her and wish her only the best....and that's how I am going to leave it.
I can frankly agree with lin that I should not wait, but then again, it is best to be her friend, and be the best dad I can be. I am going to continue DBing until I can really say that I gave it my all, even after post divorce and it being 2yrs.
