Again NO PRESSURE, asking her if she wants a divorce and you telling us that she couldn't even say it but you kept asking, well that is ...... PRESSURE.
Stop that. Remember the rules I put out before, pressuring doesn't work, it never does, let it be.
<scratching head> Wait. What? I'm confused. I haven't asked that since the bomb was dropped weeks ago. I find it strange that when she brings up the D (as she has three times now), she doesn't address it as it is it really is. A divorce. I haven't pressured anything. I think we have our wires crossed.
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As for the divorce arrangements, I'm very sure she doesn't want to have to do that work, she might do it but I'm telling you she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger, she feels guilty enough with her affair and telling you she doesn't want to be married to you anymore and knowing the effect that all of this has on you. That's why I said.... let her take care of the divorce arrangements, I gave you the script, use that and stop asking so many f!@#$* questions, you have to act as if you don't care, asking those questions was a form of pursuing, asking her for her feelings, asking her if she really wanted a divorce, wanting her to admit it, etc.
I totally agree. But I think there is misunderstanding. I stuck to the script. My questions were just that. Mine. I was golden in the exchange. I didn't ask her anything today. Calm. I followed your advice. I was noting that from the bomb to now she has never said divorce. Sorry if I laid that out wrong.
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When she says things like "I don't see a future for us together...", I want you to agree and put a positive spin on it. "You're right WIFE, it's hopeless, it's impossible, I agree with you, it will never work out between us".
Yes allow her to put on her big girl panties and do the work.
As for the in-laws, call them and thank them for the card.
Did it. Not easy, but I'll continue to do it. From now on it is all big girl panties. I'm sending and calling in all thank you's in the morning.
Back on the air. After picking up my new golf bag, I had a phone conversation with my former (and hope to return) BFF. It was a lot of catching up. I'm super happy about that sitch working out. In fact, most of the bridges I thought were burned are surprisingly still intact.
How was the run? I went for the usually 15 miler with the BFF and he can still rip my legs off on a ride anytime he wants. Plus he looks, much to his dismay, just like Lance Armstrong.
My H is only home on Wednesday evenings. (He works out of town during the week.) How am I supposed to explain my tears and loss of eye make-up, while I ran into my office "for just a minute". I am sorry, my friend. I read part of this while I was waiting for my boys to finish soccer training, and started the tears then.
This is the beginning of the rest of your life. This is the beginning of letting your wife go. This is the beginning of loving yourself as no other.
If there's a chance to reconcile, it will come from this type of action. It won't if there's pressure added.
She won't have time to realize what's missing, if you're there. She won't have time to appreciate what you gave to her, if you're there. She won't have time to get rid of her personal ghosts, if you're there.
You don't want a cheater. You want to be the chosen one, without other options in view.
Grieve and get it out. You could be letting go of the worst, but so close to grabbing hold of the best.
HUGS, friend.
I'll be back in an hour and a half or so...
I know. Thank you. I just wish she cared more. My former-BFF was floored at the news today. He thought we were for the ages. He relayed, even his mother said of all the M people she knew our age, our M seemed "to work" and that we were a very good fit for each other. I think a lot of people are questioning a lot of things tonight. Hell, I even thought with our problems, we were a good fit and would work through it.
But I can't do it alone. I know I can do "better" whatever that means. I know I can be as happy or happier with someone else. I just know it will be hard for a while. It seems with all the couples with all the problems much worse than ours, that this is all happening on a whim.
I agree with all the advice you have been given. Now following it is the hard part and you seem to be off to a very good start. Dealing with your emotions is going to be even harder.
You are going to have good days and bad days and everything in between. Enjoy the good days and learn from the bad ones.
PH is right. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? I have to remind myself this often.
I know. I've been following the advice and I truly appreciative of the advice I have been getting. I know it is the right thing to do. And I will continue to do it. But right now I just feel like this.
I didn't make it the full nine, and tossed my cookies behind a tree!
Isn't that special?
And, my golfing sucked!
I'm trying to catch up with the past action. You win the prize for making me laugh for the first time tonight. Upchucking, especially while drinking, will always do it. What can I say, I have simple tastes.
