Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy setting boundaries when not clear if A is over

If he's anything like my WH, he doesn't even know what love is right now. AND mine was doing everything he could to appear a certain way to me. So, even as he was telling his sisters that he missed me, he was cold and heartless to me. Snippy, impatient, etc. They can't manage their feelings, I think. So I wouldn't trust his "lack of remorse"-- he could have been responding to your "not completely friendly"ness. (As mine was probably responding to my detachment, too.) Him saying that he destroyed his life and has nothing is a good thing, I think. He's starting to realize what he has done. . .

Can't believe you ran into him! Is the universe behind it?

So glad he's being frugal. It's also hard for him because of the job situation. I hope he finds something soon.

And I'm so glad you've had your finances convo! Check that off the list.

A plus tard. . . ciao!

Piano

"He really must not love me anymore"

Don't use your H as a mirror.

This is a great metaphor because when you do this you let all the garbage he is living, saying and thinking DEFINE YOU and your experience. Don't give anyone that power!

The detachment process takes a while but the focus needs to be on YOU. The mirror needs to be YOUR reflection.

I hope this works, Piano. Check out this thread. . .

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1464176

Especially read Hangingon4. In fact, I didn't read any of the other ones, but Hanging On was a pregnancy departure and a success story. Pretty interesting!

Thanks for dropping by with and for the post Gatsby, I'll check it out for sure :-)

Happy Easter!

Just had my mother in law on the phone. She says my H told her he wants to feel my stomach and the baby moving. Not going to read to much into it - just an update!

WAH and I had a chance meeting two days ago.

It ended a 5 week period of NC for me.

Now WAH and I are talking finances - on email - and while yes, we did need to have this conversation, I'm now anxious that all that "control" I felt I had gained while in NC is now under threat...

I know the NC was mostly for my benefit, but it also sent him a strong 180 message and made him MUCH more curious about me.

Is it normal to not feel that opening up to a bit of adult, purposeful communication with a WAS is also taking away your power and security? Or do I need to grow a backbone?

P,
keep up with the 180s. i completely understand how one conversation makes you want to continue the conversations and so on... but be strong! (Do as I say and not as I do)...

I must say that every time i am extra nice and back off and have NC, he shows some sort of interest. Some say its abuse? not sure how to take it? or is it him accepting that i am accepting the situation?

well sounds like it helped to talk about the finances... it is important and hopefully ill help you rest a bit more and get ready for the baby!

BD, Why do some say it's abuse? What do you think they mean?

As for my sitch and NC to C back to NC (!), I guess this is about trying something, and then changing course when it's time to do so. Keeping an eye on the evolution of things. Nothing is static, right?

So, back to the plan. Two things I'm going to do next:

1. maintain minimum contact ( + keeping it intentional and friendly when it happens)
2. Respond to his offer to help me "in any way during the next weeks of the pregnancy" by offering a session with my coach who is able to talk him through the needs of small children (particularly developing trust) and creative parenting. I hope he takes the bait!

P, i dont like when they say its abusive, because i dont always see it that way. they think that he likes me wanting and begging and pleading for him. that everytime i get the stregnth to have NC and when i begin to feel better, he finds a way to get in touch with me, and question if he is just bringing me down. I am not sure, bc i often see it as NC works and he thinks of me when we dont communicate at all. Or does he just want me around for a friend? or is it baby steps?

I may be taking a break from this site... not sure its for me. I dont think H is ever coming back and doesnt want to make it work and i am spending too much time on here and trying to figure him out and how to make myself GAL. I appreciate all the words of wisdom, just need a break from being a divorcee.

Hey Babydoll, I just have to say: I understand taking a break from the site because it could help GAL. But we will miss you, if you decide to. Maybe we could meet somewhere else to just chat babies and TV ha ha ha. . . but ya know, regular GAL stuff.

BD, this site can become addictive! Take time away to redress the balance and to fit in some other things to your life. Like G, I will miss you. I think your H has a good chance of turning around. Stay positive & keep an eye on him and what works/what doesn't work in your interactions with him. Hugs, P.