I have some red pumps that my H wore for Halloween once!
Proof or no proof? That is what's going on w/me right now, as well. But, NOTHING is being near to being admitted on any level. I'm at the point of buying cell phone records. My H still lives @ home, and sleeps in our bed, so I have a more pressing reason to know. However, if not I think I would need to know... Just that kind of girl!
You need to know what you're up against, right?
Where is Roooooooob???
Pearl... I'm a sharer, too. Who da thunk it? LoL.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
And where did you buy those red pumps?!? I've seen some online stores that cater to that sort of thing. They sell other clothing and umm.. things. I'll shave my legs for cycling season, but that is as far as it goes for this boy.
I apologize. I've been so wrapped up in my own sitch that I haven't had time to read your thread. I just popped in on the end of it the other day. I really should go back to the beginning of the thread. I have a day off on Friday. Maybe I can read up on a few of the people helping me, too. I get the feeling your story is pretty interesting.
Proof or no proof? Well. I walked in on the proof rolling around on the floor like teenagers in my last marriage. If I would have been fifteen minutes later, the proof would have been fully naked. I think this time I'll choose to not know.
So your H isn't admitting to anything? That must be pretty frustrating. That would drive me nuts. But Rob is right. You have to trust your gut. My gut was right in my last marriage. I think it is right this time. I'm just not sure what I'm right about. She is an incredibly bad liar and for a gal who has about six books geared toward Machiavellian thinking (I know, I packed them up), she sure is a bad manipulator. She can't escape her lily white upbringing. If I were you, I'd be Machiavellian, and get the phone records.
And as for my earlier composure, it is pretty bad right now. I had long night teaching bagpipes and my mind kept wandering to the W. It also seems to happen when I am tired or have low blood sugar. I think about how the W and I interact, and how much I don't *like* her a lot of the time, but still miss her and want her back. I keep thinking the girl I married is still in there somewhere. I feel like Jon Favreau in "Swingers" and he is pining away in his apartment for the girl that dumped him. I wonder about sitch's like yours where both S's are in the house together. It must be very weird, yet also comforting at the same time.
Well I can tell you, Pearl, I'm not waiting around years. Not happening. Just like Meatloaf said, I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that.
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Some people don't want to expose because their WAS will feel too much damage will be done and not want to come back.
My gut is telling me there is a lot of ^this^ going on. Not so much from the A exposure, but just in the W's mind. If she felt so strongly to do whatever she did (even if she felt it was an instant mistake), she wouldn't come crying to me to take her back. She would take it out on herself and think I was better of with someone else. That's what has me concerned about the packing up of her stuff. She would see that as an ending point.
I'm not sure if it was you or Mindfull who said women want what they can't have. But you are assuming the woman will fight for what she wants. And My W has such a defeatist attitude, I'm not sure she would fight for anything.
Def: person's tendency to deceive and manipulate others for personal gain.
I am pretty smart for a blonde, but you got me on that one! Had to do the ol' Wiki look up!
The shoes? Nordstrom's Clearance! Size 12.5 women's ... He's a 10.5 men's. It was a bit haunting, though, how much he didn't MIND wearing them! Eeeek!
I have no issues w/men's shaved legs, or chests (in case you're wondering). Nothing wrong w/a little manscaping! LoL (Where's my friend, Silverado, when I need her?) I swam all through high school. Lots of smooth almost-man legs, there! And, my BFF and I were commenting to my H on Saturday night how it looks like he could have waxed his eyebrows! Another eeek! But, good thing... he didn't. Whew!
You are, seriously, missing the party of a lifetime by staying away from my thread. Currently, we're planning on a girls sleepover when I get the intel... and drawing up all kinds of options to hurt him, nicely... IF NEEDED! Seriously, very nice group of people on my thread. Men invited and welcomed, and we actually value their opinions!
Sorry about the walk-in. NOT GOOD. Did you hurl?
Bad night, huh? Was just talking about when I run, the faucets turn on in the last half mile stretch. Not sure why. Maybe I'll just stop running at that point, and dance like a maniac in the street instead? Hey, it's a thought. Hope you replace the bad w/the good, too.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
We both agree that women want what they can't have. If she's not willing to come back and ask for that, fight for it, then is she really the person you want to be with?
I never thought BF would come back. Even before I was through I gave us a 5% chance. The week before he contacted me I was asked by three different people what I would do if he wanted back and I told all of them it just wasn't going to happen so I wasn't going to worry about it.
Bottom line is what you're doing is for you. Packing up her stuff is facing reality and not being stuck in wishful thinking. You are showing her love by giving her what she wants. After that, it's up to her. If she doesn't want to face her issues and work on the M then that's her choice. Her choices have consequences and she has to deal with them.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Well I can tell you, Pearl, I'm not waiting around years. Not happening. Just like Meatloaf said, I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that.
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Some people don't want to expose because their WAS will feel too much damage will be done and not want to come back.
My gut is telling me there is a lot of ^this^ going on. Not so much from the A exposure, but just in the W's mind. If she felt so strongly to do whatever she did (even if she felt it was an instant mistake), she wouldn't come crying to me to take her back. She would take it out on herself and think I was better of with someone else. That's what has me concerned about the packing up of her stuff. She would see that as an ending point.
I'm not sure if it was you or Mindfull who said women want what they can't have. But you are assuming the woman will fight for what she wants. And My W has such a defeatist attitude, I'm not sure she would fight for anything.
--Fergie
If I'm not mistaken, I think the "wife" knows she can have you at any time, that makes you boring & conquered. If she has such low self-esteem and a possibly a problem loving herself, she probably looks down on you for pursuing her and wanting her to be your wife and fighting for your marriage. So what do you need to do? YOu need to act as if this is the best thing that could have happened, this is a good thing, give up, let go and start dating other women. What happens? She sees you are moving on, no longer waiting for her to make the choice to come back or not, you are no longer boring & conquered, you are no longer waiting, you are no longer her's. Since she doesn't have you anymore, you become something she might want, you didn't have a lot of value before but when she sees you dating other women, that bumps up your value several notches, all of a sudden you have value when previously you didn't, other women want you for them to be dating you, if they want you, you must be high value, your wife pursues high value, she wants what she can't have, she wants you.
totally counter-intuitive, I will agree with you but this happens too many times for it to be coincidental.
- and yes I've been busy, that's why I haven't checked in, aside from the day job, finishing the reno work in my basement and life in general, it's been busy.
How's the plan doing?
When are you done packing? That's when you can contact her to pick them up and offer to load them up in her vehicle and be very nice to her when you do it.
I prefer the the more generic definition of "cunning".
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I am pretty smart for a blonde
So am I. But they never make jokes about blonde *men*.
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It was a bit haunting, though, how much he didn't MIND wearing them!
I'm not even going to touch that.... I had a friend who didn't mind wearing his W's clothing. He turned out to not be of the heterosexual persuasion and they divorced. How would that be for a woman's psyche? His mom used to pay him a quarter to shave her legs, when he was kid (or at least I think he was still a kid... ) Sorry for the nightmares.
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I have no issues w/men's shaved legs, or chests (in case you're wondering).
I wasn't. But thanks for sharing! My W would complain, "How come your legs are smoother than mine? It's not fair." I swore I'd never shave them, but as I got better as cyclist, the peer pressure became too much. Never underestimate the power of peer pressure.
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how it looks like he could have waxed his eyebrows
See previous paragraph about shaving mom's legs above. LOL
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You are, seriously, missing the party of a lifetime
And I love a party... Srsly, I'll check it out.
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Sorry about the walk-in. NOT GOOD. Did you hurl?
No. I said," What's going on here?", rhetorically. Everything just stopped. Like time had frozen. Just the sound of the wind and a dog barking far off. A tumbleweed rolled though the living room. I never did get an answer, just the panicked look of two people in sheer terror. After what seemed like a millennium, I said," <censored> this!." And walked out.
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Bad night, huh? Was just talking about when I run, the faucets turn on in the last half mile stretch. Not sure why. Maybe I'll just stop running at that point, and dance like a maniac in the street instead? Hey, it's a thought. Hope you replace the bad w/the good, too.
I had something to eat and I'm feeling better. I think the crying is the endorphins kicking in. Maybe you are just happy to be almost done running. I would cry for joy at that, since I'm not a runner. And what do you mean *like* a maniac.....
We both agree that women want what they can't have. If she's not willing to come back and ask for that, fight for it, then is she really the person you want to be with?
I never thought BF would come back. Even before I was through I gave us a 5% chance. The week before he contacted me I was asked by three different people what I would do if he wanted back and I told all of them it just wasn't going to happen so I wasn't going to worry about it.
Bottom line is what you're doing is for you. Packing up her stuff is facing reality and not being stuck in wishful thinking. You are showing her love by giving her what she wants. After that, it's up to her. If she doesn't want to face her issues and work on the M then that's her choice. Her choices have consequences and she has to deal with them.
^^THIS^^ Man. This is why I come here! To get an attitude adjustment by getting smacked upside the head with Pearls of wisdom. You have an excellent handle on all things relationship-y. I've said exactly what you said about the M chances just earlier today. I need "You're doing it for you" tattooed in reverse on my forehead, so when I look in the mirror, I will remember.
Rob, I would agree completely with you if you were talking about someone else's W. This girl is just so not competitive. Or even seemingly cares about anything. I agree with the analysis, just not the person it is geared toward. I hope you prove me wrong and can say, "I told you so."
Busy is good. I have home improvement to do, but the "The Plan" has taken over completely right now. After "The Plan" gets executed I'll be spending a lot of time in my basement doing remodeling, too.
I'm over 50% done with the packing and moving. I was too busy tonight to get much done. I decided to take tomorrow afternoon off to speed this along. I might be done by as early as tomorrow night.
I've seen some online stores that cater to that sort of thing. 
They sell other clothing and umm.. things. I'll shave my legs for cycling season, but that is as far as it goes for this boy.
My W would complain, "How come your legs are smoother than mine? It's not fair." I swore I'd never shave them, but as I got better as cyclist, the peer pressure became too much. Never underestimate the power of peer pressure.