I saw an Affair Intervention take place on Dr phil and he had four of the five daughters on the show, the last was only nine and he excluded her. The youngest Daughter on the show was 15. He seemed to think she had a right and a maturity level to participate in the intervention
The steps are
1. Collect Intel 2. Expose to everyone who may apply presure on the affair to end 3. Confront H with an Intervention
IF he refuses, then you isolate yourself from your husband to protect your health... let your support team continue your protest on your behalf.
Don't talk to OW about anything-if she cared about what you thought she wouldn't be having an A with your H. She will probably think you are either lying or she can change your H.
I wouldn't tell OW's H about this place. It is your sanctuary and OW might get wind of it from her H.
Saffie's spot on here.
I have seen instances where the OW showed up here to get INTEL on what the LBS was doing to end their affair... the LBS had to leave the forum since all her plans were revealed to OW by posting here.
Not only was the LBS driven out of her marriage by this OW, but the OW drove her off of this forum as well...
OK, I was hoping it may make her open her eyes or at least seed doubt in there. You know, "he's done this before several times, I've won every time, it's always the same, she's his soul mate, they plan a future together and then reality sets in and he is off like a shot." Something like that. Sigh, wouldn't it be great if all these chemicals didn't have mind control capabilities?
If you had some proof that her affair was not unique and that your H has played women before it might put some doubt in there and cause a fight between them.
It would have to be VERY convincing to get her to believe YOU over him... I think you can see that.
Put it in your own perspective. If your H's Ex Wife approached you so many years ago and told you he had cheated before and that he has a habit of lying and playing women for months on end and then eventually abandoning them.. would that have phased YOU at the time?
What do you think or how do you think you would have reacted then?
You read the article noted earlier, I think you can see how deluded the third party is into thinking they are "special" and that their affair is somehow unique and above all reproach.. its nonsense but they believe it.
I have his posts on here saying he thought old OW was his soul mate - I may have old emails around that time, I'd have to look. Not sure if that's convincing enough. I think knowing who I am (I would like to think anyway) that I would have at least questioned him and maybe slowed things down a bit, with a bit more trepidation over where we were heading. However, those love chemicals can be powerful things.
Any contact you have that YOU initiate with OW, to me, smacks of your feeling desperate and as though you are losing. Don't go there - it will just make OW feel empowered. I don't think she will give a rats a$$ about your H's history....or you. Don't give her that power. Any contact I had with OW may have made me feel good for about a minute.......and then bad for a LONG TIME after...............because it let her know she had gotten to me. It strengthened her and made her feel she was in with more of a chance and so it was worth keeping fighting for my H. Oh, and my H loved the thought of two women fighting over him - yum, yum
As for involving the children - well I found that very effective in my own sitch. They weren't meant to know but they gathered what was going on from all that was being screamed back and forth between hubby and I, and there influence did hold some sway - esp when my D, (who was 13 at the time), phoned OW and told her what she thought of her, (which I didn't know she was doing.I didn't know she had lifted the number out of my H's mobile). However, if all the children are step children, I would question where there ultimate loyalties may be. Is it worth risking finding out?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Very good points Saffie. They are step children, but I've been their other mom for 11 years, since the youngest were four. I know where their loyalties will lie. They love me very much and I love them very much. Of course he's their dad and they will ultimately go with him, but especially DSS20 and DSD16 will side with me initially. I know that in an intervention they would definitely side with me. They'd help me fight for our M, in other words.
