Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

Your moods will cycle back and forth. I still encourage you to read DR. More than the part about strategy, it'll help you to understand why you're feeling what you are.

Hello again Mr Bond! Thanks for the advice.

Lo and behold, I saw WH this morning as I was driving into work! He was driving the opposite way-- NOT the direction he'd be coming from if he lived in his/my old apartment. So it's pretty clear that he's not sleeping there at night.

I don't think he saw me-- his car is more distinctive than mine.

So it threw me off again for most of the day, but I think I'm in a better place now.

I don't know why it matters so much to me. It shouldn't. But I guess just seeing it was shocking.

That's all for now....

I've had a weird thought. I've read on this site a few times that one should do a 180. And being detached is totally the natural me! I even told him when all this was starting that I could get over him and move on, and I meant it. He said that I didn't need him, and I somewhat agreed. (I don't even know what exactly it means to "need somebody"-- I got into a more philosophical mode instead of what he maybe meant.)

At the same time, I did text him that I loved him a few weeks ago. That's not detached.

I guess I'm confused about what a 180 means for me! If it means doing what seems unnatural, then me "needing" him would be it.

Weird.

I do have this insight, though: he has always wanted opposing things from me. Like hug me, but don't touch me. Adore me, but leave me alone. Need me, but give me space. That kind of thing. I've definitely told him that he wants both things from me at once. But what I've always given is the latter. The former only when I'm really sure that's what he wants.

So. . . just something I'm thinking of. Texting something like "missing you" or something. I don't have anything to lose, really. Nope, not at all!

Then again, 3 weeks of NC made some positive changes so maybe I should keep going with that. . . I don't know. Just thinking. . .

A 180 means doing what you do not normally do. If, in your relationship you didn't show affection, then doing the opposite - showing affection - would be a 180.

DBing is all about TIMING however. Others might want to suggest a better strategy that 180ing right now???

Good point, Piano. I'm just going to wait. The timing won't be right 'till after the baby, for me.

Plus, today was so nice and sunshiney and I know he's out there with people having a "blast." I'm pretty mad at him again and don't want to do anything other than NC right now. Ha! Up and down, up and down. . .

G, 3 weeks!!! Wow! how did you get the stregnth! i wish i could do that. you will know when the time is right to send the text, but if you are getting a good response fromNC, maybe you should stick with it a bit longer. Funny bc i always trusted my instincts in life, and always said to everyone, listen to your heart and trust your instincts. When i did I always got the best results... lately, maybe its the hormones or just sadness from the D papers, but i cant seem to make sense out of a darn thing!

I saw him again yesterday! This time, though, not much of a reaction at all on my part. I wasn't repulsed like I was last time. This time, I pitied him.

I'm glad that with time, everything is getting easier. Hope it stays that way.

Tell us more about the meeting, G.

Oh, I saw him driving by. He didn't see me. Sorry for the lack of detail!

I also have to say, since this is my thread and I can do what I want :p, that I had the most kick-a** baby shower last night! It was soooo much fun. Now my sister and friend are still in town, and we're organizing all the clothes and materials that came in. I'm getting really excited for the baby!

Also, first Lamaze class was this week. It actually made me calmer about the birth. I'm actually somewhat looking forward to it, too. I could think "why did I look forward to THIS?!?" but. . . looking forward is better than dreading!

On the WH front, his parents are coming into town this week. They want to meet with him and me. . . I guess to try to get us back together. She asked if I was willing, and I just sent an email saying no. I said I knew he wasn't ready to see me, and I wasn't ready to see him. But I did give my "message" for him if he was interested. It was 7 numbered points like "i love him and always will because of what we had, but we are not friends right now," "i'm willing to do counseling, but that may not last much longer," and then details about baby stuff like I don't want him at the birth but I do want him to see the baby after the birth. Oh and that he could contact me if he wanted input in her name, but I was prepared to name on my own.

I struggled a bit with whether his parents should know my message. I like to keep discussion about him with them to a minimum. But since his parents may be a little too optimistic about our prospects of reunion, I wanted to help them see my reality.

I think (and hope) my message is honest, direct, and real.

We'll see what happens in the next few weeks. The pot is being stirred with their arrival.

I'll keep y'all updated; ciao!