Largely due to the perspective shift Gno has been helping me work on for some time now, I approached H very differently last night. I gave him a hug and told him "I am sorry I didn't see or hear how much you were struggling with things before the A. I am sorry for my part in why you were feeling lonely." H hugged me back very tightly and told me he appreciated that so much.
So then he goes into the bedroom for awhile and I can hear him playing his guitar, which he does a lot. I get on my laptop and am chatting in the alt.
H comes out and tells me he wants to play a song for me.
He plays "When you come around" by Deric Ruttan. Tells me he feels it is my "theme song" and that he is so grateful I did this for him.
And... let's just say Rocked's World was rocking and rolling last night... with passion and intensity.... and a H who clearly "feels something!" - whether he knows it or not. LOL
I wanted to share this because I think my validating of where he was at, and approaching him with compassion and love, opened up a level of emotional intimacy for him that was very important. I needed that perspective shift to happen first... thanks Gno!
Largely due to the perspective shift Gno has been helping me work on for some time now,
Haven't really said much. Just pointed out a few things here and there.
At the end of the day RW you need to take credit for everything here because YOU:
- retained an open mind - were willing to think outside the box - and put in the effort to make things happen
Yes, there are other factors at play which include the amount of time you spent living in limbo before, the speed at which you crushed the affair amongst other things.
My advice to you is applicable to this stage of the process only: i.e. piecing with a remorseful partner.
So.... YOU TAKE ALL THE CREDIT because YOU put in all the work.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
It is true. I worked my a@$ off for this. I stayed true to my values, I stood my ground, and I was ready to end it if I needed to. And now, I have the hard task of opening myself back up.
I DO deserve a pat on the back don't I? And I am getting better at being content with validation from within rather than needing it from others, and especially not needing it from H the way I used to.
YAY me!
I think you make a good point that anyone following my sitch should make note of. The approach I am taking now applies to piecing with a remorseful partner. Without his remorse and recognition of what he has done to me, I would not be validating to this extent. And I would not be allowing myself to be this vulnerable.
But, you have been a huge help to me. I will never forget that!
Oh and BTW, I like how you described my busting the A as "crushing" the A. Woohoo! I am woman, hear me roar!
This IS the good news thread today . Glad to see that risk-taking paid off for you RW...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
