Dropping in to give hugs and support, I can only imagine what an "anniversary" of this type feels like. I think I will always remember the day he left. The new dates we now have to add to our lists.
But, you are so on the mark when you tell me that we get to choose how we respond and act, and in the past year you ahve acted with such class and character that I can only wish I will be as strong as you this time next year.
Hang tough. I wish there was some magic ball we could look inside and see what the future holds, and see if we even know what we want, but since there isn't, I guess we can only do what is best for us.
Take care of yourself and do some extra things for yourself.
Keep having mixed feelings on top of a very streeful week of training at work...
I sometimes feel like just telling h to move forward..get a d..then little things like at our Wed church dinners that I help at..he comes and pre pays for mine...when we are done serving and another friend and I sit at a different table..h gets up to leave..comes and talks about things..about our kids..house..goes and talks to some other people..THEN he gets a cup of coffee and comes and sits next to me...now if he really does not want me in his life...why sit with me...and I know him well enough that he is not trying to look good to anyone...most don't know we are even s..at least I don't think they do...
So I say a prayer and ask God to give him the happiness he is looking for and to give me the strength I need to survive no matter what.
Just when you think things are looking down..something positive happens and lift you up.. Sue
Just thought of another positive..kinda..I work for an elected official and she is up for reelection..had a fund raiser tonight and I of course got invited..I never told h, last week when he had talked to someone else that was going and they told him that I was going, he told me about that conversation and I said "would you like to go with me"..he said he would think about it and let me know..well I asked him last night and he said he really had too much to do at church..so I just said"ok..so and so asked me to go with her"I never even had given it a thought that he might like to go to that..never did in the past..so I am glad that he said truthfully no, then to just go as he would have in the past..so another positive.
Quote: now if he really does not want me in his life...why sit with me...
LOL! I ask myself some of these same questions! And now I'm going to give you my 2 cents worth. And also it is what others have told me!
Your H still loves you, even though our H are aliens, deep down they still want us to be their W! You are not seeing things, they do care. Time is our friend, patience is our mantra! Hang in there your H will come out of the tunnel more as time goes by. You will sense a "shifting" and seem to not be able to put your finger on what is going on!
And then all of a sudden you look next to you and guess hwat there is your H, acting like nothing happened!LOL You are wondering what in the heck! But there he is wanting to reconnect with you! LOL
How do I know? It just happened to me in a matter of the last month. My head is still spinning! LOL
My advice~ keep DRing, be your H friend, do 180's. And you will need an over abundance of patience. Come here to vent and lean on someone when you feel down! You CAN DO this!
So buckle up you are in for a ride, enjoy, the results are great!
Deb...thanks..I did need to hear that again..except I have been doing all this for a year only to have him tell me we need to do something legally..not right away..but he gave me the distinct impression that he is not willing to even try to piece it back..........so I say some days..why bother?? then you come along and give me the courage to keep going forward.
Quote: I said "would you like to go with me"..he said he would think about it and let me know..well I asked him last night and he said he really had too much to do at church..so I just said"ok..<snip>..so I am glad that he said truthfully no, then to just go as he would have in the past..so another positive.
Its a positive in another way too. In past posts, you've question H's motive for sitting next to you ... spending time with you ... as to was he doing so because he felt obligated or because he really wanted to? Well, now you know if he does want to he will say no. That means when does sit by you, etc, its because he wants to!
Sue, you know I side on letting your H know how you feel about him and your M. Its not pursuit as you haven't told in a year's time and because of your silence he may be mindreading that you may not really have an interest in staying M either and therefore lead him to the conclusion that its time to consider moving on the legal stuff.
I get a sense he is of the mind that the "flame" has fizzled out for the both of you and there's no sense in trying to fight to get it back within himself if he believes its not there within you for him. So he's not going to be willing to "piece" until you convince him how you feel about him.
If this theory is right, then he needs to know how you feel. One way to lead into it would be to ask directly of H about what is his preception about how you feel towards him and your M. This could be the breakthru you need if there is going to be a chance. If he really want to move on the legal stuff than there really isn't anything here to lose by getting this all out in the open, but if he is drawing conclusions based on improper assumptions about how you feel towards him, then there is so much to gained by clearing the air.
Give it some thought Sue. Who knows ... maybe this is what he means by don't be in a hurry to think it over.
... and thanks for all your gracious support. It does mean a world to me. To be honest, its been your persistent presence on my thread lately that has kept me posting there.
We have been thru alot together ... haven't we? ... and yet we are both holding out for some hope that our futures can still include those we hold dear to our hearts. I guess that's why we can relate to each other so.
From all your posts, it seems so evident that he cares really deeply for you. What has the last year been like? I know you have worked on you, and your strength is amazing, but in terms of R talks with him? Have you avoided telling him your feelings to give him space? KAW's advice sounds good. Just a gentle reminder to him of how you feel. Could give him some things to think about.
Jackie..KAW...you two hit the nail on the head...I have not told him exactly how I feel..this bb and the books said not to...give them space..and I am glad I have..and of course it is a safe feeling not to rock boats..but I do intend to tell him..I just can't seem to take step..but I do feel good that I will do it, I don't want to on the phone, but we seem to talk better..
My dd can't understand that I can be pretty bold and vocal about most stuff, but that I can't talk to him so easy...afraid of rejection I think..or afraid of response..which I have been pretty on target with what I thought he would say.
So......maybe he really does not really want d.but unsure what to do next.
I will think through what I am going to say..kinda wanted to talk to Pastor first to see what she might have to say.
About the advice NOT to spell out how we want to save our M's, ILY's etc from DB...I THINK at times we take this advice TOO much to heart, and mis-apply it.
Certainly when our S's are in full WAW mode there's little to be gained by reminding them that THEY don't feel the way WE do.
But in Piecing, it's a whole other ball game. The rules are MEANT to be bent...we need to do WHAT WORKS!!! I think Michelle would agree whole-heartedly!!
It seems to me, too, that it IS about time to lay this out for your H. To LET HIM KNOW where you really stand. It seems that he may well be working under the assumption that the feelings are GONE for you, that you can't see the furture with this M intact.
Think about it, post your ideas if that might help...but I can't see any harm at this point in being honest, as scary and vulnerable as this position is.
