I am so sorry that he renewed the lease and seems so fearful about taking a risk. Yes, work on you, step that up a notch, what more can you do for you?
Since the two of you are exchanging thoughts, I think it would be a great time to tell him your feelings and thoughts on everything. Not necessarily sucking him into a R talk, just stating what you want, need, are hoping for. It seems like a lot of that has been seeing the light of day. Maybe if he knows that even after a year you aren't giving up will put the tiny bug in his head that there is still a chance to save this m when he is ready.
It doesn't sound like you are going to do anything legally, I hope you won't, as it doesn't seem important to you and he seems great with the finanical arrangements. Take some time for this to sink in, sounds like he is still confused and just needs more time, but also feeling guilty that he is holding up your life.
Jackie..you are right..he does seem to be worried about me moving on...he knows I would not go out with another man even just as friends..we don't have any single male friends anyways..even if he d me tomorrow I am not looking to go out..he tells me there is no one else..no ulterior motives..then why does he think we need to do something legal about it?
I called him about the new roof we are getting...dd(21st!!) birthday in a few weeks..asked him if he still wanted me to get a card and sign his name..he said "you always have"I said"I thought maybe you wanted to get your own or sign it our yourself" he said "no..nothing has changed yet...you can get it" I just want to scream at him and say wake up look at what we had/have......great kids..stable jobs...we are better financially than all the early years of struggling...a great church and friends there.....wtf is his problem..and the thing is I can't change his mind...I can't start nagging at him...so what is left to try to bring him back????????? I took my diamond off yesterday..left a thin band and anniv ring on.....partly the diamond is too big for my finger with weight loss...partly I have to start letting go...I am even having a hard time thinking about giving him our bed.....
Am I fooling myself into thinking there is still hope for his heart to turn back to me?
I was thinking about talking to our pastor, but he talks to her and I really don't know where I would start...if he does talk to her..does she even suggest trying...he told me he is afraid if he came back the old feelings would come back..if he said that to her don't ya think she might try to counsel him into trying something different..like spend more time with just me...ask me out...talk more to me about everyday stuff..like how are things going...hug me because he wants to.....he is taking an easy way out and I dont know how to tell him that without really oushing him away.
I am sorry for rambling...but I see so many positives here between us..when I read others posts and hear the anger..lies..We don't have that..it is almost erie that we can get along so well...... any thoughts or a swift 2x4 for being so down......I wanted to know for along time where he stands......now I know and I don't like it......
he doesn't know what he wants...or rather knows that he is happier and getting along better with you and enjoying the time you do spend together more now and is AFRAID that IF he were to come back that things would just go back to the way they were (classic was...doesn't trust the changes are for real) I'd say just continue on the path you've been walking...continue to make the most of the time you are able to spend with eachother...let him see what he is missing.
LL..that is what i was planning on doing.....even if it took another 2 years...but with him bringing up the legal thing it is eating at me...it's like why bother, he seems to think a d is the right thing to do...he has blinders on.
But I am going to try and pick myself back up...I ain't about to slip too far back after coming this far. Do you think I need to talk to him again...let him know up front that I am not ready to proceed with d? I will not hold him back if he wants to file......I want us to remain friends no matter what...but should he know I need or want more time with things just the way they are? I knew a year ago this may be the journey, but as with all of us I kept a glimmer of hope..and I still do see a tiny flicker..I am just tired..
Quote: let him know up front that I am not ready to proceed with d? I will not hold him back if he wants to file......I want us to remain friends no matter what...but should he know I need or want more time with things just the way they are?
since he's not put any time frame on when things actually will start I see no need to say anything to him...act as you have been...perhaps step it up a bit more in terms of 180's and going places and doing stuff.
I agree with the others...keep on doing what you're doing.
I wouldn't rush to tell H that despite what HE said were his wishes, you're still fighting for the M.
Could it HURT matters for him to believe that this great woman who shares so much of his life just wants to be his best friend? ...Wouldn't that deliver LOTS of opportunity to DB, to have him see you in a different light? To rediscover the "kind of love" he felt for you 10 years ago???
Sue, even though CJ had an OW on his shoulders, he too promised that I would "get everything" (quite sure SHE didn't know that!! )...this at the very least is a sign of deep caring, is it not?
LISTEN to him when he says there's no rush...there isn't! This may just be the beginning of the best part of your R yet!!!
OH..Shiny..I know..I know...I am feeling sooo great right now...oh this roller coaster is making me dizzy. I know I will be ok no matter what....it is sad though to think about losing 25 years of your life..but I have my health..kids...so many things that matter......if I get my h back..as I think Wilma said it will be the icing on the cake.....
I am off to a movie with some friends..a definate 180 for me...called h after work to tell him about roof guy and we laughed about something on the phone..as we hung up I told him to have a great bowling night..a sore subject for several years,as ff is his partner...we are so opening up our hearts to each other.....that's when I can't let myself get too excited..I need to put some guard down..there is a pesimistic side to me that says it may not turn around and I don't want to get my hopes too high.
...Wouldn't that deliver LOTS of opportunity to DB, to have him see you in a different light? To rediscover the "kind of love" he felt for you 10 years ago???
)...this at the very least is a sign of deep caring, is it not?