I haven't posted here for awhile but I have a question. So I started the process of doing things for me and worrying about my feelings and emotions and not my husbands. It feels great! So after a couple of weeks like this I can tell he is upset. He writes me an email saying that he can't stand how I am so happy all the time with all of these problems in our marriage how can I be like that all the time, yet when he talks to me he acts like he wants to make it work, note that I dont bring that up at all I dont talk about the future I just say that I dont want to live like this and am ready to move on. So my question is he acts like he still cares because if he didnt he wouldn't write me an email like that or try to discuss things about our marriage if he didnt care.
he i.s used to you reacting and responding a certain way. Now that he sees a different response from you, he has to change his reaction to you.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
So my question is he acts like he still cares because if he didnt he wouldn't write me an email like that or try to discuss things about our marriage if he didnt care.
I wanted to add that now he says he has seen the light and realizes that he has hurt me a lot over the years and can't forgive himself for doing that and so he thinks it would be best if we get a divorce because I deserve someone better who is as good of a person as I am.
Sorry I meant to ask how I am suppose to take his reactions? he says he didn't care for a long time and then I changed myself and I moved on in a way and have been taking care of myself and not worrying about what he is thinking etc...and then he suddenly says that how I am acting really bothers him but yet he when I ask him what he wants to do he says he is done? I dont understand and honestly just want to know if any of you have been through this before.
katie that's what my H says to me...that i am such a good person and i deserve to be with someone so much better than he is. don't respond by telling him what a great person he is, that's exactly what he's looking for. let him simmer in those feelings for a while. what you're doing is obviously working because he's interested in how happy you seem and how well you're doing. has he asked you to legalize anything or see a L or anything yet?
maybe you could suggest a few counseling sessions before you decide on filing anything? is he seeing an IC? are you?
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
Sorry I meant to ask how I am suppose to take his reactions? he says he didn't care for a long time and then I changed myself and I moved on in a way and have been taking care of myself and not worrying about what he is thinking etc...and then he suddenly says that how I am acting really bothers him but yet he when I ask him what he wants to do he says he is done? I dont understand and honestly just want to know if any of you have been through this before.
Almost always, if they say they are totally "done" and not even willing to try, there is someone else in the picture.
and then he suddenly says that how I am acting really bothers him but yet he when I ask him what he wants to do he says he is done?
Listen to what he is saying.
REALLY??? How I am acting is bothering you? Can you help me understand that better?
Confused and emotional people don't think thru their decisions. So don't ask what he wants to do - he doesn't know. You are modeling strong healthy behavior, let him come to you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well I can say that no there is nobody in the picture. I honestly think he is trying to get me to say he wants our marriage to work and come crawling back to him so he can tell me that he doesn't want too just like I told him awhile back, it is almost like a revenge thing in a way. He does things just to see how I react to them, he always has and will tell me after the fact that, that is the reason why he says things so he can see how I respond.
What is an IC? No he hasn't even went to a divorce lawyer or even talked to one on the phone. Our marriage is a long story and I know that most guys have the same issues when it comes to having these types of problems but I also know my husband and think he is doing this to see how I react to him, well I am going to not react to him and move on with my life like normal.
