Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Help! I've been struggling for 2 years and don't

Thanks for the advice Sandi! I'm still keeping my distance but when I see her and she initiates a convo, I am jovial and fun and funny and nice ....... But at the same time my thoughts are in not overdoing it. I'm a very touch/physical need-type of person and these last 3 weeks are really teaching me self-control.

Today is day 13 of no initiation of contact by me. I wonder if she's wondering WTF is going on??

Honestly? She is probably thinking these new changes are for her, so she's just watching to see how long they will last...or if you will continue the changes if she doesn't react positive to them.

Well these changes are for good. It's getting a little easier with the distance thing. One thing was odd yesterday. She came by to get my SD8 bat bag and I was dressed to go to the zydeco with a couple friends and she asked me where I was going with my boots on. I told her and she just kinda said ok. Weird response from her. She was going to ask me to keep the kids for 3 hours while she went to her pokeno nite but I just acted as if it was understood I wouldn't change my plans.

Well I got back last nite around 930 and it was apparent the babysitter watched our kids at our house and not her apt. I assume she was too embarassed or just didn't want the sitter to know about the apt. Either way, it seemed odd.

But our conversation while she was here and later that afternoon when she txt me was light and easy and I made her and the kids laugh. Today is exactly 2 weeks of DB.

Well, another day without pursuing. We watched my SD8's softball game and all was fine and dandy. Light and easy convo. We are supposed to have coffee together tomorrow am. Gonna keep it up and continue to show her the Jeff she married is back for good. She made a couple remarks about her breasts and butt in regards to the kids and what they did to her and when I repeated what they did she laughed and said stop (in a not in front of the kids way). In the past, it was a don't touch me there way.

Then I jokingly I told her she should just come home tonite and I could make her feel real good. And we both laughed. Then she and the kids left. We shall see but we may have a dinner date Thursday nite. Baby steps but we seem to be on the right track.

Careful......you were pursuing (in a joking way, of course). Don't push your luck. Most WAW's are turned off by anything (joke or otherwise) that hints at having sex with her.

Ok, thanks for the advice. She seemed fine with it but I'll chill out on it nonetheless.

Ok, more positives-- W sent me a txt asking if I was ok today around lunchtime. Apparently she got a few calls from her friend in my regards. She asked if I talked to friend. It was only via txt (3) and wasn't much. Just about how the W could tell all the changes I have been making and is grateful.

I hope this will eventually translate into her coming home, but I know I have to have patience -- one thing I've never been good at. It's as if W is fine with talking and chatting as long as it's light, but when kids mention stuff about going home, she changes. I am on week 3 of not mentioning coming home, so now she only hears it from external sources (not me).

I asked this question last week but never got a response. I put my ring back on last week after not wearing it for a few months. I feel I'm making a committment to my marriage and should wear it. Is that an outward sign of pursuing or am I being nitpicky?

If you went months without wearing them and then suddenly start......I would not see it in a good way (from the POV of a WAW) simply b/c it does seem like a form of pursuing, but that may be just my opinion. Many people believe that one should continue to wear the rings....but they are usually all the LBS that feel that way.

There are so many different viewpoints about wearing rings. Do whatever you feel is right. I'd just suggest you maKe up your mind and stop switching around.

Hi E,
I am keeping mine on. As a LBS I know I am supposed to be moving on, but I love my rings and will wear them until I am divorced. And maybe even beyond that. They are part of me, soppy as it sounds. Courage with your sitch.

Another small step occurred today -- got a message around lunchtime from W saying "too bad ur not in (insert city about 40min from our town)." She was going to have sushi apparently and thought of me. Later I said I was going lift then run and she said if she'd finish work in time, she'd come meet me to run. Small steps....Day 16 of no initiation of contact......