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What kills me is her friend said they are afraid I will hurt him. Telling me he has his own problems with his divorce and new baby. WTF why in the hell does he get sympathy from them. No body cares how i might be feeling.

I'm loosing it. Why should I even care. It's just so hard knowing that the person you love and loved you one month ago is a different person now and wants nothing to do with you.

Jake, I know that you feel like you're losing it, but don't give up. You are making progress with your own emotional health by getting help. It probably feels like your emotions are running wild right now and that things seem hopeless, but you have to hang in there. Try to detach (hard as that is) and focus on what will help your marriage and your child. Keep posting here to let us know how things are coming along.

I went out Friday night, saw a couple of friends. Had a real good talk with my uncle that has been divorced twice. He told how the emotions I have will pass with time and I will be able to move on. He let me cry with him and gave me a big hug. So far he is the only one who has shown me any compassion. Besides all of you fine people of course. She texted me asking what I was doing. I didn't reply. Later she texted me wanting to know what time S8 should call to say goodnight. I did reply to that.

This weekend I had S8 and her stupid dog for the both days and nights. I usually just have him Sunday night. She had a wedding party to go to. It was out of town so she stayed in hotel with girlfriends. She even showed me the pictures.

S8 and I went to see Avitar (sp) on Saturday (good movie) and we went book store to buy him a couple of books. She came over Sunday afternoon for about 3 hours. We played the Wii. It was a good time. But I couldn't get it out of my head that she is/maybe sleeping with the OM. We laughed. We shared a couple of glances. But I don't think I'm getting through. I was nice, not showing my pain, dressed nice, looked nice, we didn't talk about the R. I told her she looked nice. She said it looked like I lost a few pounds (i didn't say it was because I don't eat or sleep well)and liked the shirt I had on. I helped her clip her dogs nails and the two them left.

I found out the OM is seeing lots of other people. He does not want to get into a R with my wife yet. She is pissed at him because he is having R w/ some of the other people. She does the rejecting not the other way around. They are going to just be friends w/ benefits for now. I think she was with him Saturday after she dropped S8 off. I'll know more later.

Is it a bad idea to try to catch them? I know what bar he goes to. I know what days they will both be there. Maybe if I expose her she will see what she is doing is wrong. My thought is to walk in, order one beer, make eye contact, finish my beer and leave. What would be the worst that could happen (not going by myself). I will tell her she lied to me, now I know for sure. Then I will tell her she doesn't have to worry about filing for D i will do it. Of course i will tell her exactly what kind of person I think she is, what I think of her, and make sure she knows what this will do to our S8.

I don't how to respond to this email we just sent each other...

Copy of W email - "I just wanted to let you know I took out 100 on sat. I will put 100 and, whatever else I need to take out this week, on Friday. I had to pay for the lawyer with half of the 300, and then I got groceries. Plus, paying for half of the room , gift, ect.. from weekend. I will pay u back for those things because you aren’t responsible to pay for those things. I have training tomorrow from 8-430 so I will call school and let them know S8 will be riding the bus home. Before I forget, I think I told you already, but maybe not, this Thursday is someones last day at work, so we're throwing a going away party for him after work. S8 will have to ride the bus home . Sorry for all the schedule changes, Thursday is the last one."

My reply - "I thought you dropped the lawyer. I not happy with all these schedule changes. I have a life too."

Her Reply - "I had to pay for the lawyer, for meeting with her last week. I'm sorry that I have to work 8-430 tomorrow, and how is Thurs. affecting you, you have S8 on Thursday anyways.You knew about the wedding a long time ago, and I told you that I would take S8 to the reception, and you insisted on watching him. Don't worry, this is the last week of changes, so you can have a life."

Some back ground info. Something came up for me Saturday night after I agreed to watch dog and kid for her. I asked if it was ok for her take him along, but if it was big deal I had not made a commitment yet and could cancel my possible plans. She thought I was just doing it so she couldn't fool around on me if she had S8 with her. That was not the case, so I stuck to original plan.

Just got back from doctor. He is putting me on an Antidepressant/anti anxiety medication. Hope it helps.

W wants a reply to the email now. I don't what to say.

Anybody have any ideas?

W has a facebook account now. She is going by her maiden name. Relationship status is "it's complicated". I sent a request to be her friend. This should be interesting.

Hey BigJake. We have a few similarities in our sitch's. You and I and our W's are all the same age too - crazy. You are lucky though - you have a son.

Take the meds religiously and try to do your best to GAL right now. You'll see on here where people say you should only believe half of what your W says. She will feed you full of BS about OM and what she is doing, but here's the thing - if you get busted spying and following her (I think we all do this in some way - I'm guilty of it) or stalking OM you jeopardize being able to have contact with your son.

I've been advised that it is really easy for W's to get a restraining order against us. If her friends are saying stuff like they are afraid you will hurt him - that doesn't help you. Plus, it doesn't just have to be from physically following them either. If you call too much, text too much, bother them on FB -whatever- if they feel threatened then they can go after the RO. If she gets an RO against you and you do have to go to court they are not gonna see this as a good thing when deciding custody.

Protect yourself man and go see a lawyer too - find out your rights. I finally did it and I am so freak'n glad I did. I would not close your shared bank account completely, but I think you should consider opening another account and putting most of your money in there. Leave funds in the joint account and tell her those are there to benefit your son - not for wedding presents and weekend getaways.

The first response you got from Gypsy may have included the best advice you have received yet. I (and many of us) have been in your spot - your hurt, your emotional, but don't be irrational. Improve yourself. Look around here for advice on other people's threads. Check out the books people suggest on here. Others will be by here to help you too.

Thanks Q.
I am lucky to have my son, however putting him through this is the worst part. I don't want a RO, but it would be nice to catch her in the act of something. Maybe it will all become reality to her then.

No one wants to put their kid(s) through this, but you guys are not completely divorced yet and it may not come to that. If it does, God forbid, then do everything you can to be apart of his life and have him be apart of yours and it will make his experience much better.

Trying to catch her in the act will not improve the sitch. It seems it will only make it worse. You have got to look like the better man in this deal. How would you really react if you saw her with someone else? You said in your first post she thinks your nuts - don't prove her right.

I wanted to do this in my own sitch. In fact, I have tried to catch my wife in the act. I knew I was not going to be Mr. Polite if I saw my W with someone else and I doubt you would either. I called OM when I first found out and he was too chicken sh!t to even talk to me on the phone. He called or sent a text to my W and she said, "why are you calling him?" Recently, I saw my attorney though, they broke it down for me, and I learned the consequences of my actions do not out way the possible "rewards."

Our W's are out selfishly trying to pursue what they think will make them happy no matter who they hurt or what it ruins. I let my W drag me down in her pursuit - don't let yours do the same. You have got to look out for yourself and your son.

Thanks Q. You are my voice of reason.
I have a email ready for OM. I have emailed him the past. It's not a violent one, just a man to man back off email. Maybe if she won't listen he will? I have not sent it. My guess is I shouldn't.


I was a little upset last night when I picked up S8 from W. she didn't know her I went to the doctor. There was more to my visit then just getting depression pills. He thinks there may be some heart problems because of the stress. I have to back for more tests. After the other email b.s. above, she asked if I got her email. I said yes but I was at the doctor at the time. She asked if everything was ok and I replied no. I have always had some problems in the past but nothing more than high b.p.

She said she was sorry for causing this, but didn't know what else she could do. I told her I didn't want to worry her. It is my problem and I will have to deal with it. I would like to talk to you about it but you may see it as a ploy to get you back. She really wanted to know but I didn't get into details. I asked why do you care anyway. She said I will always care. She said when I'm ready to talk she will listen. The only problem with that is I want to talk about more than medical problems.

I got upset and went outside, she followed asking why. She said I was so "civil" Sunday what happened? My reply: I used to be able to talk to you about this stuff, now I can't. You don't want to be apart of my life anymore, and it's hard for me not to share what is going on with you. It seams that all my 180 work only gets me "civil". That is all we are right now is civil. Civil gets me know where.