Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Is LRT applicable here?

I need to write an equipment grant, but I don't think you sell what I need. The piece of equipment I need fills a room. At the risk of losing my anonymity, my scientific field is looking at very small things at very high magnification.

Automation would be great, but I need more basic equipment. I could really use a new shaker table, centrifuge, and our balance probably came over on the Mayflower.

For the dress rehearsal, wear checkered flannel… definitely.

Fergie -

Hey! I have some new bifocal contacts! LoL Nah, I don't think I can help...

Anyways, I've made my quota for the quarter... You can relax now.

I went w/black capri's, a teal t, and black loafers. Should've worn the flannel!!!

OK, now back to you... let me go read back a page. BRB

'k. It's my lunch break and I'm going to put in 15 miles. I'll check when I get back.

--Fergie

Soooo, help me here, what's a marital aid?

It scared me when you talked about leaving clothes behind, taking marital aids, and cucumbers within the same few sentences!

And, I'm sorry to say this, but you have asked a few ways: Why the change in demeanor from MENDIGBODY'SLIKE MINE to COFFEEANDADONUT??? She got laid over the weekend! The edge is off! And, now... probably some guilt! You, yourself, said that she was at a hotel in a town close to the OM. I'm bad at math, but I can add! Fergie, I'm sorry, but that's my POV. Hopefully, I'm TOTALLY WRONG!

I'd be interested to see what others think about this? AND, how do you enforce a boundary of OM, when W is OUT of the home!?!?

I can't get back to a prior post, but, I think I said it before:

Stop w/the REQUIREMENT of her calling you every 2-3 days. Let her off the hook! I'd say, tell her, that's a silly requirement. I'd rather be called when someone wants to talk to me. If you don't call her, either, she'll come sniffing around. And, when she does, don't be fawning over her, or giving her attitude. Cheerful, friendly, and upbeat.
- Keep up your activities you like, and add a few!!

MC will do nothing with OM involved. You need to do something re: the OM!

I know I'm all over the place, but, well... that's me!

HUGS

Wish I had time for a run today! Gonna have to rely on a 24-hour "afterburn" to justify this piece of cake I'm eating!!! (I'm usually starving if I don't exercise one day. I had bfast and lunch by 11am!)

Idea on GAL: do something different. If you always ride, mix it up. Go to a play. Take a drawing class. Go out dancing with some friends. Get out of your rut and be unpredictable.

LOL. Ahem. Marital aids are a lot *like* cucumbers. Get it yet?
That's what I came up with. But here's the things I can't get over. The weekend after she went missing, I questioned her about the OM and she told me where he lived. She didn't know I found out where she was the lost weekend. Here are my questions:

Why tell me? If it was me, I wouldn't.

The next day we go on a date. Why bother going if you are having an A and have checked out already.

Then I flat out accused her of the A. I know cheaters become great liars, but she said,"I don't know why you think I'm having some torrid A?" And I guess I believed her, or wanted to believe it.

At that point she pushed again for the D. Why not play on my fears and just say, "Yes I am. I'm having an A and I'm in love with the OM and want to be with him." Even if she wasn't having an A, just to get the D rolling. That's what I would do.
It was never a requirement. I said I'd *like* it if she called me periodically during the week. She was already volunteering to call me before the couples session. She would usually say she would call at a certain time, but then wouldn't.

She doesn't have to do any of this. With her gone, she doesn't have to see me, call me, or go to MC. But she does anyway. Our MC can't tell me because of confidentiality what the W has said, but the MC is all over my concerns of an A. I have also expressed my concerns of the value of couples MC, if not only for my own direction in IC. She seems to think my W is willing to work in MC. The A hasn't come up.
I'm not so sure she will. Even if she realized what a horrible mistake she made, she would feel so guilty about it, she would say to herself,"This was my doing. I deserve to be alone for this. He deserves someone better than me." That's what scares me about the LRT in this case.

--Fergie

Fergie -

OH, NOW I get it!

We were just discussing that on my fb page. Nice, huh?

So, tell me again, aside from the 'till death do us part...' why you're fighting for this M? I'd be really interested.

You sound fun, active, attractive, interesting, gainfully employed, kind, productive, witty, etc...

She sounds boring, workaholic, unhealthy, selfish, lazy, and completely uninteresting!

Maybe that will help me understand...

Good advice. But there are only so many hours of the day. I'm looking at a way of satisfying both my current hobbies and change. There is a Wednesday night group ride every week I'm looking into. I used to oil paint, and as soon as I get caught up on some projects, I'll start up again. A few years ago the W brought home some wing back chairs and she was going to reupholster them, but never did. I thought it would be nice to take a upholstery class together. She didn't. So I took it myself and almost finished one of the chairs before the class finished. I might go back.

At the risk of really outing myself (if anyone reads this who might possibly know me), I also have been playing bagpipes for 15 years. I give lessons on Mondays and have band practice one night a week. So, I'd have to give something I love up to make room for something else.

Like I said, there isn't much more I can do to get GAL. I'm trying to focus on changing my attitude in IC. But I'm not sure I need to be a lot more "new and improved".

Ok, now I may fall for you! On top of jewelry you play bagpipes...sigh. I *love* bagpipes!

I agree with mindfull, you sound like a catch and she sounds like a dud. Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?



She will. People in general, and women in particular, tend to want what we can't have.

Look, you tried pursuing and that didn't work. If you love her, give her what she wants. She wants space, she wants OM. Let her have both and move forward with your own life.

Did you read Puppy/robx's advice on Amybel's thread yet? Do it now. This is definitely what I think you should do.

There is no guarantee DBing will save your M. But if you work on becoming the best Fergie you can be you will save yourself. That said, following Rob's advice will give you the best shot at saving your M.

To answer your other questions: All cheaters lie. Period. She won't admit it to you because she knows it's wrong. She can very easily sleep with OM and go on a date with you the next day because she's cake eating. She will continue to do so unless / until you remove yourself from the menu.

Read other threads, you'll see the same things happening over and over.