Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis The EA bomb dropped by misdirected text

Thank you OP...

I'm down with the 24-48 hour rule...just concerned about the possible 'flip out' if he discovers it before I notify him.

So, you're saying don't send it at all or just WAIT to send it?

SH

I would send it at his non-grumpy time. Why wait 48 hours when it is his money too? It will cause a flip-out if he finds out by checking account. I thought the wait rule was about emotional matters, not financial business. She's not asking his opinion. She is informing him.

How about inform him at his non-grumpy time and then turn off your phone for the day. Then you will not be subject to a flip out. Also don't answer any emails until tomorrow. Then you can respond calmly to his flip-out reply, if you must, to that part by waiting the 24 hours.

Sorry to hear about the sales, but glad to hear a plan is in place that provides for your future housing and security deposits. I've read a number of sitches on this board where the WAH started spending money like water. Some on toys but other just eating out all the time and not noticing and steadily draining the couples' funds.

I know what you mean about wishing for that magic 2X4. It would be nice, wouldn't it? When I think about the suffering to all involved and the finances messed up and the total, total cost of this past year's mess, it makes me quite angry and sad.

Thanks for the input rr22!

I'm thinking of sending the text around 3 pm today.

All,
How's this sound?
'Thought u might want to know, the auction house picked up this morning (at least the first batch). Also, my scholarship money is moved to a separate acct.'

Thoughts?

SH

I like.

I'm finding myself 'on the fence' about sending this text...since it could set off a firestorm, and I have a 'hunch'/instinct that he isn't even paying attention to this stuff right now as 'fogged out' as he is and grasping at any outing opportunity to avoid his pain. Not sure yet...

After all, it IS my scholarship award money, really NOT marital funds. What I left was the remainder of the severance that I received in 2008 (minus, of course the money that he took out for his MLC apartment). He has just blown through a substantial amount of money on beer, 2 haircuts, food, gas (filling the tank twice a week!), clothes, contact lenses, etc. in the last few weeks... and I got concerned.

Hoping for some more input/feedback/thoughts from others (particularly with the NC in effect).

Thanks so much for the help.

FYI - the family antique pick-up was harrowing and sad. But it's over and I have cleaned and rearranged, setting up a whole new open space for my whole new open life.

SH

Why do you feel the need to explain this to him?

I would just stay NC and not worry about it.

Snodderly has advised you the same way. I don't know why you still need to discuss it. But get all the opinions you can.

OP,

I appreciate your feedback very much! My instinct is the same, but the L advised differently...so, as many opinions as possible are welcome.

I feel the need because of the potential H blow-up scenario...esp. with the NC in effect due to my having had enough of H's previous spewing behavior (blame, blame, blame!). To his credit though, I WAS acting/reacting badly (being needy and still trying to convince him to pursue MC and reconciliation: "but we had such a great life" stuff).

My 180 has been to stick to 'as if', staying totally calm and peaceful and positive in all situations. I totally agree with H that I am often very opinionated, somewhat critical/confrontational, and negative at times (graduate studies will do that to ya!)... AND this is something that I have identified as needing work on in my own LBS/DB journey. Listening, calmly, not interjecting or interrupting, PMA, etc.

I guess I'm concerned about the fallout from being confronted and keeping my cool. But perhaps this IS the work: handling it as (if) it comes with grace, peace and loving detachment...

SH

I like this idea! If it comes up.