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There actually have been two people at my job that got Russian Mail-Order brides.

The first one worked out.

The second one I think ended up in divorce or maybe they never got married. The guy ended up meeting someone the conventional way.

Hey, if you order in bulk to you get a discount on postage and handling? What's the return policy? Credit or cash?...so much to learn!

I think there's a 30 day return policy on the brides, but I'm not sure on that. I would opt for the 1 year warranty extension just to make sure, in case you get a defective bride or even a clone!

They take Visa - It's Everywhere You Want To Be!!!

Is dating fun or more like a "chore"? I had another first-time meet with someone I met over the internets on a popular and free singles social site. While they are all nice ladies, I can't help to wonder why their online persona just doesn't match up to their real-life persona. And then there are the photographs....it's a well-known rule to post your most current and accurate photo that represents you - right? OK, let me tell you about this lady then.

I see her photo and she makes contact with me first. I think, hey, this is cool of her to give me a "wink". So I reply to it after seeing her photo. She is not half-bad, kinda cute to be honest. Her age was in the mid-40's, which is my limit in max age, and I think to myself - "hey, this person knows how to take care of themself", or so I think. So we chat online via IM, and even exchange phone numbers so we can text. So far so good, she's a lady and I'm a gentleman. After 2 days we set up to meet in person because I have learned a BIG lesson in online dating - get to know them in real life BEFORE investing too much time via texts, phone calls, emails, to be sure that there is some attraction there! (others call it chemistry). You can have one kind of attraction over their photo, and communication, but it's not a real attraction as seeing that person in real life, and photos don't really portray the real you. The good thing was that she was local, so it was real easy to set up a meeting.

So I'm at a local coffee shop, the one with the half-woman, half 2 tailed fish, and I get their first. After seeing her photo and being somewhat attracted (online attraction), I am hoping in the back of my mind that she will turn out to be one of 2 possible ways - the same as her photo, or not the same as her photo. A few minutes later, I see a woman enter the coffee shop, and I recognize her face. It's her. As soon as she walks in, my attraction meter goes from a 7, to a 0. (The attraction meter is on a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being she's the one and she is oh soooo hot!) Her real-life appearance did NOT resemble what she portrayed in her online photo at all, she looked much older and had a completely different persona than I had imagined! So what do I do? My first reaction was - Oh. Then I got the biggest urge to just bolt out the door! But I thought, that would not be very "gentlemanly", so I fought all urges to escape and just make the best of it. We actually talked for an hour, had our coffee, and said our goodbyes. I could tell she was still interested, but I was just not into her. It's not just me that wants to date someone - it's me and my daughter, we come as a package, and I have to be very selective about who I want to call my "girlfriend", and I also won't settle for less anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am not into "hot looking babes" only, but if that's what I get hey - I'm not complaining. I know what I want in a woman, I have my standards, as does the opposite sex. But if I see someone I am very attracted to - all I want from her is to give me a chance, and I would do the same - but we have to have that attraction from the start, then the dating can happen to see if there is true compatibility and a sincere likeness for each other. Starting a new relationship takes time, but I don't just wanna dive into one after having some "unsuccessful dates" and coming out of a bad 10 year relationship - that changes a person, and I know I am still a work in progress - but I want to progress in a positive direction.

So what else can I say about dating? I still enjoy it, and I know there are some things about me I need to keep working on, even though I think I may never be "fixed". My mind, body and spirit are all out of whack, and I am trying to restore these things that make us what we are as a complete person. I need to exercise, even if its just walking or hiking, keep a positive attitude and perspective, and think about spirituality. I also don't want to be turned off by a few "bad dates" - or ones that don't really spark that old spark, but keep an open mind about it. To be honest it's kinda tricky to be dating and be raising a child, it was much easier to do the raising when living with my ex. Sometimes it can be discouraging, as I find that I am on again - off again with dating, and think I am not that interesting for women to come calling. I'm 40, but I still feel like I'm 28, and I don't show my age. I think I'm an "OK" looking guy, I've had girlfriends before, a few hot ones, and a wife. So why is it that its hard to find a woman that I really like and wanna date right now? I'll just keep working on me I guess and keep at this dating thing!

Today I started my workout program. I go to the park and walked/jogged. That's it!! Actually, I am starting out slow, I went for half a mile and walked/jogged one lap around the walking trail. I am out of shape! I could barely breath as I jogged, and people were looking behind to see who was panting like a little girl - it was me! Well, it wasn't panting like a little girl, more like breathing hard and jogging slower than a snail's pace!

But I didn't give up, I walked till I caught my breath, then I jogged the rest of the way and made it to my car. I rested for a few minutes, stretched out my legs and ankles (yes, they hurt), and drank my water. I took my vitamin earlier to make sure my body can recover and heal when I sleep. When I got home, I could feel the pain in my thighs as I walked up the stairs - they are already sore! I bet tomorrow I will feel it more, but that's OK. It's been 2.5 years since my appendix surgery and in the past I could feel the inside stitches when I ran, but today I didn't feel anything in that area - so I am fully healed and now I don't have anymore excuses to not take care of business! I am overweight, my gut will show it and so will my thick neck and double chin, and my goal is to burn as much fat as I can and be able to do a 5K marathon in about a year.

When I don't feel like running, I will walk the distance - I need to keep persistent about this. I don't really have a support group or someone to cheer me on, so I need to simply motivate myself - not easy to do I know. But my health is what is important, it's time I took care of myself. It's all about the mind, body and spirit that we all need to improve upon, and it's part of the healing process I believe also. I wasn't in that good a shape during my marriage, and after the bomb, separation and divorce, I am finding that I need more healing to do. I'm in a better place, but I know I am not where I want to be and need to be - but finding the path to get there.

Sol, one of the things that kept me sane in the hellish last years of my marriage was running. Sometimes I would go out to run with no energy and fussing about my crappy life but when I was finished I would be counting all the blessings in my life! Running (and any other physical exercise) really does work if you approach it slowly and by respecting where you're at physically. You sound like you're approaching it in the right way. Btw, make sure you've got decent shoes. I couldn't believe the shoes I'd see people running in from flip flops (I'm not kidding) to loafers! It's a sure way to kill your feet and legs if you don't invest in a good pair of runners.
Good luck with it!

Hey Wii,

I agree with the shoes. I have an old pair of good Nike shoes (cost me $80 I think) - but worth it. They are still going strong. My legs are better now so tomorrow I will hit the park again. I have learned to avoid gym memberships at all costs since they are overpriced meat markets. I'd rather join the city's recreation center that costs very little to join compared to a gym. Otherwise I just lift weights at home and get my cardio at the park and some fresh air!

I am going to turn myself into a muscle-hunk (to find me a great lady of a catch)and wear smaller sized jeans - I have a bunch of them already that don't even fit me right now! LOL!!!

Hey Sol, I'm still in the currently separated stage so I haven't progressed to that point. In a way, it's one of the things I'm looking forward to. W has shown no interest me for four years so I'm starved for attention.

I'm not sure how the ladies would respond, but I think you handled the date fine. A zero is a zero in terms of interest. What do you think you would have done if she was like a 4?

(Sorry for the long post ahead!!!)

Hey CTH - If she was a 4? Hmmmmm. Well, 4 is bigger than 0, so I would probably get to know her more if we had any kind of connection from that first meeting. If I find her looks to be a 4, but her personality to be a 7, then we might have a dating relationship and go from there. But the opposite is also true for me. If I meet someone that is like a 9 in looks, but a 3 in personality and everything else - I would not see a future with this person. So personality matters more so than appearance - but appearance is up there. The things I look for in a woman have to be - from appearance to inner qualities:

- looks (she has to be very cute to me)
- how she carries herself (does she curse a lot?)
- down to earth (not conceited)
- funny (matching my humor a plus)
- cultured (she knows where the Mona Lisa is kept)
- intellect (she can think for herself)
- educated (she's aware of current events)
- health conscience (she takes care of her body)

That's a good start for now. I should take notes and post these qualities on my dating sites!!!

Your separation is just part of this process of finding ourselves again on this journey - I'm sorry to hear about it, but relationships are one of those things that just aren't guaranteed, aren't they? But it's a chance to look in the mirror and see who we are and who we want to be. We are still the same person inside, but we now have an opportunity to grow. That's how I view my separation/divorce that has no reconciliation. Part of this growth is to rise up past all the bitterness, hate, envy, anger, jealousy - all that junk that brings us down. And the interesting part is that we sometimes do it to ourselves. I know I do. But even though its normal to have all these emotions, we need to accept them, get past them, and embrace new positive emotions and attitudes. They key here is that it takes T I M E.

Time is our biggest ally. Like Wii said, if you're healthy enough to start exercising it will help immensely. Getting out little by little and making new friends is another necessity. Jumping right into a rebound relationship is not. LOL. But dating when you are ready is, and it will happen. I'm in different stages at the moment. Right now, I am rediscovering myself - again!! I know why women don't jump at me to want to go out - its becuase they don't see me as being attractive right now - and this is a good point becuase I don't see me as attractive either. I let myself go over the years - I got the gut to prove it!! And I don't like how I look or feel - so I need to change and work on that. It's a battle sometimes, I'm gonna be honest. But each day is a new opportunity to try and grow as a person. In re-discovering myself I am becoming like a child again (not childish), but learning with an open mind. I look at my daughter and how inquisitive, (and innocent) she is, and that makes me want to be like her. In a way I'm kinda glad I went through what I went through, so that I can guide my daughter as she grows into adulthood and has her share of experiences (good and bad) in relationships.

One major change in me that is going on is that I don't see my ex as the enemy any more. I'm tired of fighting, but I'm also stronger than I was before. When she raises her tone at me, I just glance at her in curiosity as to why she lets her anger control her...and my reactions are now to simply keep quiet, let her rant, and just confirm what she is trying to say - all without me giving in to a counter-strike. Now, this is harder to do when it comes to issues with our daughter. I just hope my ex keeps our D agreement the way it currently is!!!

Just wanted to share a "dating pictures" story:

I met my current guy online. Unfortunately he lives very far away (I wouldn't do that again, btw) so we did form an online relationship first. (I totally agree, btw, with your philosophy to meet 'em quick so you can find out if there's any attraction in real life or not).

Anyway - I sent him pictures of me, fairly realistic ones I thought (in retrospect, I probably could have picked more flattering ones). I was pretty sure the pictures on his profile were old (guys do that a LOT in my age group)so asked him if he had more current pics.

He sent me a cute pic of him and his grown daughter. He was obviously older (his goatee was now white) but still looked cute to me.

We kept talking, finally made plans for me to come meet him (okay, I invited myself up for my vacation!)

Then later he sent me pictures of himself out biking, with his bike helmet on - the guy in those pictures looked OLD.

By this time, I'd really gotten to like his chat personality - but I'm starting to wonder if I'm gonna get there and find some doddering old man!

Much to my relief, he turned out to look just like the cute picture with his daughter - with the addition of nice dimples when he smiled. Phew!

(I still don't know what he was thinking, sending me those awful biking pics of himself - maybe he was trying to scare me off?)

He told me later, he was quite relieved to find that I looked like my pictures.