Not exposing at work is a very personal decision. I never did. My W and OM were coworkers...
But because one doesn't expose at work, don't think that most people don't know. ...
...
but if someone having a work place A thinks that people don't know, they're sadly mistaken. That kind of thing gets out.
It's just another example of the damage A's do, even if people think they're being discrete. ...
and these other two people are now not going to be considered for a promotion to a nice job because of "baggage".
This is a rare example. in this case both the WS and the AS work for the same company... so exposing to HER workplace is exposing to yours.
I only recommend exposure if the exposure is believed to have a positive impact in ending the affair... exposing to your own workplace does as much damage to you in this case as it does to your wife's affair.
And I certainly don't maintain that exposure should be done by the AS either, in fact its best if its done by someone else.
In your case H4, You may not have exposed the affair yourself, but it did get exposed in the workplace anyways... And as you have commented, it does have impact.
Yes, these things DO get exposed on their own in many cases, I think it was PDT who commented how clumsy people having affairs are in hiding their secrets.
Yes, those were the things that I took as a good warning not to expose at work. I think you made a very good choice to stop exposing as it was counter-productive in your case. I cannot imagine how humiliating it would be if someone were to challenge me about my personal life at work. That is very dangerous ground. The only time I could see it being appropriate is if the affair involved co-workers and trysts occurred at the workplace. And I realize that is often the scenario.
I find it ironic that a cheater would find exposure to be humiliating.
I find it ironic that a cheater would find exposure to be humiliating.
Humiliating the cheater, or better yet, the third party OP is part of the objective of Exposure. I don't understand why this is ironic. It's the point of the exercise.
Affairs THRIVE on secrets, lies to spouses, to supervisors, to friends, family, colleages at work... An affair needs to be secret to survive long term... Its a big part of the fantasy... people get very excited when they hear secrets... it is part of the charge from the addiction
But, if both the WS and the AS share their workplace, you are doing considerable damage to the WS as well, so in such case I woudl reccomend to NOT expose.
In the case if word getting out through an alternate route, at that point I would ensrue everyone in the know at work was properly informed.. offce gossip has a nasty habit of NOT being particulary accurate.
It is dangerous to involve too many people in your marital relationship. My father always said, "Don't take sides with friends who are having marital problems. They will get back together and get all lovey-dovey, and you are out in the cold as the person who said bad things about the spouse. Your reward is that they'll both hate you."
It makes it hard to reconcile when you have involved family, friends and the boss in the dirty laundry of your home life.
It makes it hard to reconcile when you have involved family, friends and the boss in the dirty laundry of your home life.
Indeed. If my relationship does work out, I am going to have to live with the fallout of telling my family too much of what is going on for a long time.
My mother says she will be okay if things work out, but my father and sister are much less forgiving.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
