I think you have it- you had to have it to get through med school and a residency! and that was a LONG haul.
This is another situation which requires a longer perspective. I think you have it in you, just change how you are looking at things. Maybe less day-to-day and more month- to-month assessment.
As the wise men have stated...there is still a part of you that comes across in your posts that wants to deny this is perhaps MLC, that it needs a different approach, that there may be some real work needed to keep this marriage intact, maybe some sacrifice. Maybe the love needs to be unconditonal.
I get it. We all have been there railing against the mire we find ourselves in..Why me? we ask.. Why you? Because there is something YOU are supposed to learn here. Maybe many somethings to learn here in this new journey you find yourself on..and no amount of wailing or self-pity can turn you around back where you came from..the only way through is down the path you are currently on.
Its not the path most of us would have chosen, but time and again you will see people post how they are thankful they had to go down that path to learn what they needed.
Look forward. Move forward. Embrace the present.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
I do think this is MLC... but yes, sometimes I do wonder if there are other approaches. should I have taken a harder line earlier... I don't think in my heart of hearts that would have workded though...
but for now I stick with this plan to be better for me, to try and detatch... allow her to continue to work through what she is working through. to try and figure out a way to be happy on my own.
Bradley said: "try and figure out a way to be happy on my own."
I've been watching your sitch & just thought I'd pop in with some solidarity. I agree, it is unfathomable to me (and I think most of us here)...this need to forge ahead and GAL singly after years of having my best friend/assumed life companion by my side...
The extremes of pain (loss) and elation (gain of quiet 'sanity' time) are so much to bear when trying to function in the real world. Everything seems flat at times and at others everything seems vibrant. But the more I detach, the less these extremes seem to hold me - I can acknowledge them, and let them go...trying to keep a calm, confident, sure center...trying to get comfortable in my own skin without his presence in my every day life.
Stay strong Bradley! (easy for me to say...the one who was just sobbing yesterday!) We can do this and we will be far better for it.
SH
Me 42 H39 M 10 years, T 12.75 years MLC began spring 2009 ILYBNILWY 1/18/10 WAS 2/5/10 EA revealed 3/6/10 EA ended (by her) 3/7/10 M - DOA...but working on getting disentangled.
she makes it impossible for me to detach, as she went to a concert last night and sends me a picture of herself saying 'thinking of you'. but then otherwise its the same old same old... not much contact during the day-- she is just living her life up there with the boys.
My questions is in response to this statement. Basically if she had moved with the boys for a new job (say no situation) and you were following a few months later...Would you expect her to call all day long?
When we moved down here...I had to come down two months in advance. I was busy starting a new job and she was busy taking care of two children and packing a house. We talked maybe once a day....that is what our schedules permitted.
In the statement, your wife makes a gesture that she is thinking of you. Yet you turn it around into almost a self-pity type statement.
Think about it differently and you will come up with a different perspective.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
