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NC, I don't know the specifics of this but if it is good for you and your boys then I'd agree to it. At one point you thought it was right? And if it would help you with the daycare sitch, that would be frosting. Your boys are at the age where I think they would rather be in a group situation than with the MIL don't you think? My d's afterschool has art, games, crafts, playground time, etc. Have you ever brought that up with the PC? But, seriously, I think she is thinking of how it will benefit her, but sounds like it might even be better for you?

I think it would or could be made to my advantage. The thing is I don't think it would last. I am starting to gather that the chief reason my ex has been periodically shaking things up by rearranging our childcare provisions is precisely because she can't stand to see me adapt to and get used to the current situation, whatever that might be at the time.

But I do fully intend to wrest this control away from her. From now on, I will do what I feel to be right for my S's and myself -- to h*ll with her and anything to do with her! I am no longer worrying about trying to compromise with her anymore. Attempts to be reasonable and to compromise with someone like her have gotten me nowhere. Now if her aims should happen to parallel my own, then fine, no problem -- but otherwise...

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I just got off the phone with my S's. I couldn't get a hold of them last night -- I assumed that with them all being still down in Myrtle Beach her cell phone must have been dead or off.

But when I reached my S's tonight, I tried to catch up with them but they didn't want to talk. I had been bracing myself to be assailed by all the wondrous fun they had with xW and OM during the beachside resort and waterpark adventure - I was ready to be happy they had enjoyed themselves, but it never came off. Instead it was all "hi" and "bye". It rials me that I know xW is keeping them distracted when I call -- she does this too often now, not just tonight. She refuses to turn the TV off or to pause it. And she tells them to curtail the call when I try to engage my S's about their day.

This is against the rules. It's also against our consent order. But I no longer have any hope she can be held accountable, to anything. Meanwhile I feel my R with my S's is being undermined, weakened, overshadowed, on every front.

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I had a good conversation with my bible study group last night. I spoke to two other men in particular, and appreciated hearing more of their own personal testimonies. I've come to understand that as bad as my sitch seems to be getting at times, it can always be far worse.

Hey nc... Im glad you guys had such a great time camping!! My boys would love to do something like that!

Of course there will always be worse stitches then ours out there, but they are still ours to bare. I do wonder why some people just have an easier time of it, and who exactly deserves to be dragged through the mud.

Ugg... its just depressing all the way around. Im having one of those days so don't mind me.

You think it would have been enough for her to destroy the family that she has to play games with her own children and there father's relationship.

Im sorry, but she CAN'T be thinking of them...

Treasure those times with the boys as I know you will. She will be judged one day, what comes around goes around.. and its SO true.

Blessings my friend

T

Thanks and (((HUGS))), Irish.

I know I need to stay focused on the positives. I need to also ignore xW attempts to poison my PMA. Her job is easy -- doing evil is always the easier path than taking the high road. I just have to work all the more harder.

But I am so tired and weary. Three years of constant, unrelenting h*ll from someone I had placed all of my faith in trust in for so long has just worn me down. (You folks don't hear but maybe 2/3 of it, at most.) If it weren't for my correcting my priorities and placing my faith where it properly belongs, in the Lord, I'd have been lost, totally.

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I just got a request for a conference with S5's pre-K teachers. They're wanting to hold an urgent meeting concerning S5's behaviors in the last few weeks. They're inviting some specialist from Project Enlightenment to sit in on the meeting. This tells me this matter is a bit more serious than a friendly parent-teacher temperature-taking meeting. I have received notes from the teachers during my weeks that specified some behavior issues with S5. Lack of cooperation. Argumentativeness. Disagreements with peers. I have noted that it has occurred twice during my weeks of custody precisely on the days right after xW keeps S5 over during S9's cub scout night.

S5 has also had some speech issues that everyone has been glossing over, especially xW. I've tried to be accommodating and easy-going on this concern, but it has really started to bother me as he has progressed through preschool (still, I have said nothing of my concerns to either of my S's.) His pronunciation of words and sounds is often unclear -- and it has gotten so bad that even I can barely understand him at times. (Oddly, S9 tries to interpret for S5 during these times.) I wonder if this might be the reason why Project Enlightenment will be attending the parent-teacher conference. If so, I hope we can finally get to the bottom of S5's odd speech patterns and set up a course for remedying that. Maybe his mother will listen to someone besides me about this.

Speech has been an issue with both my both especially S4. He didn't say mama until he was 2 1/2.

This is something not to take lightly. Any speech issue spills over to late development of English Language skills. I only know this because this is what happend to S7 and he HAD speech. S4 is still struggling some, but I have decided not to start him in K until fall of 2011. He is a November baby and it just makes sense. I did it with S7 too and im thankful I did.

Now for your wife to ignore or gloss over this is total irresponsible thinking. I cannot stress how important handling this now is. This again shows you what kind of person she really is.

I hope that the Teachers enlighten her, I would like to be a fly on the wall in that meeting.

Good luck and let me know how you make out!

Oh, and its totally normal for the older sibling to interpret what the other is trying to say... its happend to us all along.

Thanks for the encouragement, Irish.

I find it hard to believe myself that xW has glossed over S5's persistent pronunciation issues -- historically, she's been hyper-anal and over-reactive about such things. For her to ignore this is uncharacteristic of her, at least as I've known her.

Then again she's become so utterly alien to me now. In the past I would have given her the benefit of a doubt and trusted she knew better and was on top of things. But now I question everything that has to do with her. Everything.

<journaling>

Well, it's done.

I picked up S9 from xMIL's this evening for cub scouts. xW was there, in the background. Once we were out S9 spilled the beans: xW and OM got married on Saturday down in Myrtle Beach.

It explains a lot.

On the way to the den meeting I asked S9 a couple of questions, to get a few details. Who was there (few family). Was it a church wedding (no). That sort of stuff, then I dropped it and said no more.

S9 asked something a few minutes later about that day. I asked him how he felt about it. He said he wasn't sure, then asked me in turn. I tried to smile bravely and shrugged my shoulders. I then said his mother getting M'ed to OM was utterly meaningless. She has embraced D as her life's solution to problems, and thus M has no real, honest meaning to her. She had said as much herself, not in so many words, but that was her meaning. So by the same token I don't see where all the fuss is. I then told S9 that he will need to make up his own mind about these things.

I changed the subject to the topic of tonight's den meetings (a community service project to build bat houses to help control insect populations). And so I thought we had put these conversations behind us for now.

After the den meeting, S9 and I again talked. We had a good and busy meeting so I was able to forget all about this weekend's farcical events. But S9 mentioned that OM was now staying at xW's apartment. I told S9 that agan, their M was none of my concern, for the prime reason that they were two people who held no value in M in the first place, at least not beyond a thinly applied social and financial veneer.

I once again changed the topic to something else, I told S9 that he needed to get a good night's rest tonight, as he and his class are taking the ITBS exams tomorrow. That seemed to throw him off the trail, and I was able to deliver S9 back to his mother's doorstep without further word on this disturbing subject matter.

But then S5 ran to the door to give me a hug (in his pajamas) and the first words out of his mouth were that OM was staying there with his mommy. Sheesh! LOL.

xW is such a coward. She wouldn't look me in the eye. So typical. And so pathetically funny.

Driving home I am thinking, well, the other shoe has finally dropped. And I have already written her off as the lost cause she is. I will say nothing at all to her about this. Why should I? Like I said before, her getting M'ed, given all the insane things she's said to me these last three years about how she views M in general and our M in particular, is absolutely meaningless. I cannot acknowledge or respect their union because of who they are and what they have done. I will not do so. After all, neither of them had even so much as an ounce of respect for my M to my (then) W, so why on earth should I observe their M? It is only a matter of time -- and the clock is now ticking -- before either or both of them cheat on the other and again make an absolute mockery of the one institution of Man created by God himself.

I do hurt still. Somewhat. I admit that it does still sting, and I will no doubt ponder the road ahead and the insanity of all this senseless foolishness we do to ourselves. But then part of me feels that rush of freedom it also offers. I can finally mourn the loss of who she had been or only perhaps had been (for who really knows for certain if she had ever been real or not), and then move forward.

I just wish for my kids sake they never had to see any of this. It's just so unfair to them.

So sorry to hear, NC. That must be so painful. ((((((NC)))))))

I don't know what to say. I don't believe their M will last; I know they often don't. I think at some point, your X will let some of her anger go and look in the mirror.

You were already planning on going nc, and I think you should def. do that. I'm going to bed now & I'll pray for you and your boys also. Things will work out!!!

WOW!! That was the last thing I thought I was going to read... so soon anyways... what a hypocrite she is.

I know that has got to be hard for your to hear (((((hugs)))), but let me tell you, you made out on the deal. She is really a screwed up person, and not someone who deserves your loyalty and goodness. He deserves her.

Im sure the boys are confused, how could they not be. This wasn't your doing it was hers.

I will pray for you and the boys, you are better off without her.. and like Karen said, I doubt it will last.

take care.

T

(((((NC)))))

I am so sorry to hear your news. I dread October when I figure they will get married. Not my issue. Yes sad for the kids and hard to see the person you married be so lost. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

kat