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Reggie...



I am dying to know what this sentence even begins to mean...

Your "tit for tat" attitude is going to be your downfall.

This isn't a game...

There are lives involved...

You should want better for your life then to go around getting one up on your wife.

That is as gentle as I can swing. (((Hugs)))

I think in your head it seems you are so close to getting back together and you display this in your body language and your WAW feels that but she doesn't feel the same way, otherwise she would be with you instead of "loser" boyfriend.

Think about it.

She calls him a "loser" but still stays with him instead of you HER HUSBAND.

What does that make you if she values the "loser" more than she values you.

She is making the decisions and you are allowing her to and hopefully waiting for her to wake up.

Let her make her choice just as long as she realizes that you aren't the backup option anymore.

Move on with your life.

Strong confident attractive men don't wait for their cheating wives to wake up from their WAW "fog".

sorry bro, wish I could offer you more but that's just how it is.

Move on and enjoy your life without thinking in your head that she's going to come back.

I think there are some differences of opinion here. I believe Serenity thinks I should stay put and keep waiting for my wife to make up her mind. Robx, along with everyone else says I should move on with my life without thinking she is coming back.

It's not about one-uping my wife, it's about getting on with my life and not waiting around forever and like someone mentioned earlier and Michelle Weiner-Davis, what I'm doing is not working, so I should do something else. What I'm doing is waiting around, being nice and upbeat, positive, but it's not changing anything. She has not left her "loser" boyfriend for me. So obviously I must do something else.

Reggie ~

Don't try to mind read me...You will never get close to what I am thinking...

I will say this...

Make up your mind - Either you want your marriage to work out so you will do the work necessary to possibly salvage it or you want to be free to "get laid" whenever you want.

IMHO

Lol, I get it. So no easy answer.

I love my wife and want to make it work and don't want to hurt anyone else in the process.

(((Reggie)))



Good so what are you going to do about it?

Keep talking to my relationship coach.

It is a start however your relationship coach isn't going to be able to fix everything...

What do you want from all of this?

Do you want the marriage or is fear of the unknown keeping you from truly answering that?

What are you willing to put into becoming a better man because of this and not a bitter man because of this?

While Rob and I disagree with the dating aspect, for some it does seem to help...

I am not saying don't do it - I am saying do it for the right reasons...Don't do it just to get back at your wife for what she has done...

I'm not at all bitter, I'm not trying to get back at her and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. If anything, I take responsibility for all this, since I'm the one that left.

I just don't want to be the option for her and the the back-up plan. Although I want more than anything for us to work our marriage out, I also know that I can't wait forever, especially if what I'm doing is not working. At some point I need to try and get on with my life. If I'm seeing other woman, it does not mean that I closed the book on our marriage. If it makes her think and come back to me, I'll probably still want to be with her and I'll try and work it out.

I think those are the right reasons. I have waited for a long time and this is not at all about revenge.

Reggie~

Not saying you are bitter - Just making sure you are looking at all aspects of your decisions...

The majority of us are missing the normal things of marriage and yes that does include sex however as long as you are still married (regardless of what your spouse is doing), getting laid with another person is cheating plain and simple so don't try to justify your reasons with me...

If you want your marriage to work remember this -

You have a hand...Get familiar with it.