Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

I was talking to my SIL yesterday and telling her about what her brother said, etc. I explained how it confused me because he was being so extra friendly and giving lately.

She said her H was really friendly before asking to come back- that he was trying to see if she was receptive to the idea. She asked me if WH knows I still want to R.

I kept saying that how could he not know??? How could he not remember what I told him back in November? SHe teased me and said , oh you mean how you felt uh...5 months ago? So I smiled but said don't you think he would wonder why I didn't bring up divorce if I wanted to be done with him? And she countered with well maybe he thinks you are waiting until you go back to work.

NOW WH and his sister are not best buds--they DON'T talk he DOESN'T tell her stuff- so she is not relaying any truth, fyi! Just speculation.

She said why couldn't I express my feelings once in awhile. OK I have been mulling this over trying to find a way to tell him why I was sad without asking for an ultimatum or pressuring for the D. So I want to write out my thoughts here. AND TELL HIM TONIGHT WHEN HE PICKS UP S.

Thoughts about Reconciliation or about Divorce ?

Newmama... If I could jump through the computer with a billion 2x4's I would.

I apologize that I do not post that much on your thread anymore. You know what you mean to me. You , DBD, P17. We stepped together. But I feel so much pain reading your posts. But as long as your stuck in this hell... I have nothing to offer. {{hugs}} I am never far away. And once you get moving again I will be there. But I cannot be here with you.

I had to say this to you my friend.

I don't know about this. i think it's going out on a limb to let him know that you are still hoping for a reconciliation. I am usually not too concerned about what people call pursuing behavior. But if he is not interested, that clearly is pursuing.

So here is what I am thinking of saying...

S did this and that today blah blah...so by the way, the other day when I was crying so hard it wasn't just because my feelings were hurt about my birthday. It's that I have been so sad thinking of what is happening with our family.

Last week when we learned there was a possiblity that you could have cancer, naturally it made me think of what would happen if you died and were not a part of S' life...that he would not get to have you in his life and that you would miss out on all the stages and changes and not see him grow up.


But then when you brought up what will happen with visitation when I go back to work it just really made me sad to think of how both of us will be away from S and miss out on half of his life... So that's why I was so sad....I just wanted to be honest and tell you. Ok? All right see you tomorrow" and run! (just kidding!)

No No No. You know why not

I dont know- I do feel it would be pursuing and pressuring...

maybe your SIL can relay the message in an indiscreet way

I have heard your opinions! Thank you. I will feel it out tonight and see if it feels forced or natural to bring it up. I just think that if he thinks I am lying about my reason for crying that he will think this whole way I am acting is just an act. And I won't be talking about an ultimatum. I think I might start out with "I don't want to lie to you about why I was so sad...it was more than just my birthday." and carry on.



I know- I don't post when I think the person won't heed either! ((Cbug))

I have to say, I think that doesn't sound too pursuing. You are just explaining about yourself. I think I change my vote.

"Last week when we learned there was a possibility that you could have cancer, naturally it made me think of what would happen if you died and were not a part of S' life...that he would not get to have you in his life and that you would miss out on all the stages and changes and not see him grow up."

Might I suggest leaving this out? I'm sure he thought this too. It sounds a bit, hmmmm, dramatic.