Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

Also, should add I think it's completely normal you can't cry right now. It's shock ...upon shock. That's why you need to stay away from contact with him at all costs in order to process, accept, grieve, and heal. I don't know if the pain will ever go away completeley, but I am sure it will get easier.

Especially if you work on getting stronger, and think 100% about the best way to become a mum, even if it's a single mum and it's something you didn't chose. I didn't chose it either (in fact, when I was nervous about conceiving - H wanted kids more than I did & I needed convincing!! - I cried & said to my husband "Don't make me a single mum".. I obviously had an inkling this could happen to us.. Sorry to talk about me.).

I think many of us wish we had read DB and DR the minute we received the bombshell. But it's human nature to start fighting and going with our instincts and doing what feels right at the time. It's very possible that anything you could have done, may have changed nothing. So don't beat yourself up for being a normal human being.

Do start that new thread, and hang in there.

Piano,

i couldnt agree more when you say "each partner owes it to the other to speak up when there is something seriously amiss for them" i was so naive in thinkin we talked about everything... i sometimes thought we were too honest... i wear my heart on my sleeve, what you see is what you get... guess he had and still has a lot of lies...

everytime i insist there is someone he swears there is no one in his life. i think he has lied and dug such a deep hole of lies that he cant admit the truth... he says im looking for a reason to accept that he just didnt love me. I snooped through everything! and found nothing! he still lives w his parents... and they say he is home if he is not "studying". I am pretty sure people can have affairs during the daytime, not just on a saturday night in a bar.

his parents showed support for me until the past few days after the papers came, and now they think i am mad at them and turning this around to make me out to be crazy! i should be crazy! somehow they have managed to make this about them.

As for the house and finances, etc. my mother spoke w him and his parents a several weeks ago (a week before he filed) and he said i can stay in the house for now and he wanted to go to co parenting counsling, blah blah blah. I don t believe anything he says or does... for right now I am not calling or getting in touch with them. i need a break from him and his insanity.

thanks for your encouragement! Sometimes I wish someone would throw DR in his face and make him read it... otehr times i think he is too far and lost.

Piano, dont apologize for writing about yourself on here! That's what it is all about!!!

i dont know how to start a thread? or much about this stuff to be honest!

New thread just means new topic. Like you did the first time you wrote on this website.
There is a way to include your old 'thread' (the section we are in now) to the bottom of your signature (you access that by editing your Profile)... not sure how to do it though, but maybe you could just copy and past the URL.

I still don't buy it. Ok, if there is no OW, then what the ..?? Then we start specualting all over again..is it an early mid-life crisis, an adjustment syndrome thing like Gatsby's H, or just he has deep seated anxieties about becoming a father and doesn't have the maturity to face up to it and his responsbilities.. Far out, these guys problems are mysterious and complex, and we could spend years trying to understand the hows and whys.

Question, did he go to his folks because he has no income? I am assuming he's a full time student. Are you the income earner?

How do you know his parents think you are crazy? Did HE tell you that? If so, ignore it. And yes, whatever, you have the right to be absolutely outraged by what is happening. But, but but, remember to have composure. It's not their fault. I know you know that. Don't try to convince them of how hurt you are right now. They know you are hurting. They know their son is in the wrong.

Don't budge from the house. He's the one that left. Wait till you find out more about your legal rights.

Babydoll, a break from the insanity-- I totally get it!

I just posted under "Learning to be happy alone" under Newcomers. Made my own signature and everything! Not sure what all the letters meant, but I think I got it!

Good luck to you, and I'll chat with you around this site!

Babydoll, I just got caught up on your thread. What does your L say about being served with you being pregnant? Are you supposed to work out the custody arrangements?

Please do not believe your H when he said (paraphrasing) "not hearing from you over the last 2 weeks proves you want this too" NO he needed to find a way to explain why he is acting like such a heel to divorce you while pregnant and when there was no reason to in the first place! And if he didn't want to D you he would have reached out during the 2 weeks. But let me tell you that he only "feels" like he wants to D you.

Have you told him that you don't want this and would rather wait? Or what do you want to do? Will you be staying home with your baby or working? What does your L say to do to protect
yourself?

(((hugs)))

newmama,
i have not met with a L yet, officially. I do have several lined up. From what i understand, custody for an infant is a whole different ballgame than that of children over 5? i was told infants need to bond with their mothers, especially if they are nursing them. and no judge would send an infant away on weekends, etc. not really sure H wants to be committed to the baby. Days before we filed, he was happy about going to coparenting counseling, and now this... I am not making the appointment. i do not want him around me. i do not trust him. he enclosed a letter with the D papers... and said he knows I am having a hard time, but when I am better, he would like to discuss the future of our son and that he would like to be a part of his life, if I would allow it. That is not a real man, nor a real father... he thinks this baby is a toy he can drop in on anytime he is bored. I am not having it. H is too self absorbed and into his own life, he is graduating in 2 months, has a great career lined up and as I believe OW by his side.

i met with my therapist last thursday and she also suggested I email him, a) to say one last time that I do not believe D is the answer and that i do in fact still love him and wish he would work things out with me b) to briefly go over things like taxes, the house etc. He didnt write back... instead he sent several text messages saying i didnt say this or get your information correct, he wants to continue fighting. i give up. I am not going back and forth with him and arguing or crying over him (in front of him). I am stil DBing... not to win him back as I do believe its over between us, but because I need closure and need to move on.

i need to start a new life for me and my little guy. Im tired of the drama. I get really sad... im at point where i have come to realize that its entirely too late... too much has gone on and happened in such a short two months...

i will love him the rest of my life and never ever get over what we had and what he did to me... but moreover I will remember the pain he caused me now and that seems to take over all the good memories...

Babydoll, I am just dumbfounded by how strong you are being about this! And actually, due to the timing of your H's filing of the D (HORRIFIC!) I think you are actually doing the best thing...your C gave good advice. And if you prepare for the worst and can build your life with the plan of him not there, then IF he does come to his senses one day, you will not have been left in the lurch while you were waiting for him...because you weren't.

So carry on but save a little hope tucked inside somewhere. The stats are not on the wayward spouses side when it comes to the longevity of the A. In other words, it rarely lasts. But damn it, can take a couple of years!!! arrgggh!

Thanks newmama...
i cant say there isnt a part inside of me that would do just about anything to have him back... ironically I dont believe in divorce and believe we do have what it takes to make our marriage work... but im the only one fighting and it gets to be really depressing and is just plain awful. My H was one of those guys that absolutely everyone loved and put on a pedestal... he was just a good soul... this is so unlike him and it scares me to death and hurts me to see him throwing his life away and being so self destructive...

i wake up every day and pray it was all a nightmare...
unfortunately the D papers forced me to wake up and start taking care of my self and my baby...

so amazing that this unborn soul has given me so much stregnth...

thank you for your support...