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sage

as much support as you have given me over the last few months, i feel just horrible that i couldn't be here in your time of need to exercise those ghosts with you this weekend

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Well..gosh, darlin', you had a few other things on your mind, no????

TBH, the day itself was fine...it was actually the weeks leading up to it that sucked Don't know why that works out that way...guess it's just the anticipation.

I'm looking forward to watching you and h really get your m. solid. I love your commitment to healing it.

Sage

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You know it is strange that is very much the way I would have described you if I had written it down. Like a protective wall, so as not to get hurt. Not that you don't come across as a very caring person. You do come across as very caring! Just protective of your inner self also. I am probably not making any sense.

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Ms. Pam,

This is SUPER insightful of you. I wouldn't have expected anything less!

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Hmm..why can I be more insightful of people I have never met than I can be of David?

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I'm curious about this residual sadness...Would you describe yourself as an especially sensitive/empathetic person?

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Well..I think I feel things deeply and in many cases I can get caught up in the general sadness of life for others. The abused baby, the starving child, the person in need...I tend to feel those things deeply. Heck, I actually get a bit sad over the pain of insects!

But...I also think that my sadness comes from another place, too...not actually unrelated. In many ways, I feel as though I have no family..I feel very alone. When my parents D., I lost the mom/dad connection (crappy though it was) and things were in such turmoil in our home that it was hard to feel safe there. My mom had no extended family really and she ensured that my dad's vast extended family had no interaction with us...we lost contact with all of our aunts and uncles and cousins. I think I entered my m feeling as though I wanted a family but then things got confusing...I remember about 5 years ago during the holidays I got really depressed...we had spent time with my family and it was just so screwed up...and I said to h "let's build our own family, let's create some wonderful memories" and he said "We want different things" Now, granted I was crying and looking for reassurances at the time...and, if you can believe it, we never revisited that very conversation.

So...I feel alone alot but as pointed out...I'm also very guarded...so I've fulfilled my prophecy, no?

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When was the last time your H mentioned the "time bomb" analogy? Just curious you don't give off that sense here...perhaps it's residual "ASSumptions" on HIS part?

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...might it take your H a bit longer for them to really sink in...for old assumptions to fade away? Perhaps...But I have this gut feeling that you two are farther along than you realize!!

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From what I can see, you're doing a great job. I'm kind of sensing that you're feeling a little worn down right now. I'd say take a few days for yourself.

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Good Morning Sage,

Sending you wishes of a wonderful day for an awesome lady!

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Ms. Pammy,

thanks for the daily day brightener!

Things have just been SO crazy with work and school...I finally had to take the day off to relax.

Here's my hororscope from cainer:

If you've got something unpleasant on the bottom of your shoe, you won't remove the offensive odour by walking into another room. I apologise for this rather strong image, but I need to make a pretty strong point. What's needed in your world is undoubtedly a change... but it is much more a change of attitude than a change of location. Don't resent a problem that won't go away. The temporary discomfort of stopping to face, conquer and deal with it forever will bring you the permanent freedom you deserve.


I LIKE it!

A bunch of positives from yesterday:

1. PMA was high from spending a great weekend with h.
2. H called me to warn me about a big accident that might impact my drive home
3. lots of great emails while we were both in school

H just called to tell me that he's going to be home early so we're sneaking out for a movie!

Sage