Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives The journey begins

Glad things worked out yesterday and there wasn't any blow up or anything. It was also nice for W to let you take D11. I know she is not the best person, but to focus on the small positives is good to help you get through this negative time.

Have a good weekend.

The weekend is starting to shape up. Racquetball tonight then out with a friend. Shoot some hoops, get a haircut and work on my taxes tomorrow then a hockey game and out with friends later.

Sunday ... shopping (I'm buying one new outfit a month), basketball, clean the apartment and WRITE, WRITE, WRITE.

Lots of people posting tonight. Today was a weird day. I managed to pack it full of stuff -- taxes, racquetball, hockey game, karoke (Here Comes The Sun) and yet still I felt lonely.

Perhaps it was the knowledge that D11 was having her birthday slumber party and I -- of course -- was not there.

At the hockey game, I talked to a coworker about what's going on. I'm worried I'm boring people but she seemed interested. And after everything she said she thinks W has a lot of mental issues that may never get sorted out.

That made me feel good -- kind of endorsing what I've thought all along -- and bad, W may never get out of this funk.

After I met some friends at a downtown bar. It was four couples and -- all in their late 20s -- and single 40-year-old me.

It ended up being a lot of fun. My song was a hit -- I'd sang it over and over with D11, it's on KidsBop Classics.

Now I'm off to sleep and finish taxes -- as much as I can since W is missing a lot of deductible stuff -- tomorrow.

Hey, Clinging. Welcome to our section. We have a great group of people here...

I have a D10 that likes theater too. I've gotten involved myself in our local community theater. Fun stuff, nice people, great activity for the kids.

I noticed you said your one daughter has ADHD and special ed issues. My kids are autism-spectrum and special ed. I think it seems like a majority of us here, in this section, have children with special needs. I think it's easy, and sometimes necessary, to focus more on your kids in that case, but can be rough on a marriage.

Good to keep busy. Early in the process, I kept busy 99% of the time. I'm learning lately to relax a little bit, but keeping busy and spending time with supportive people, helped me get through the roughest patches. This board helped me immensely too. It was amazing how our experiences all seemed so similar...

I read once that parents with ADHD kids are twice as likely to D up until the child hits 8. Then it drops back to normal. I guess by 8, the kid starts learning how to handle it, you've figured the medication or just learned to handle the issues better.

I showed that to W about two years ago. I'm not sure if it registered. By then I think she'd already made up her mind. D7 turns 8 in July.

D7 is doing a lot better this year and I told W back in October, the last R talk, that we've worked so hard on D7 and now we are seeing progress, but we never worked on us and I can't understand why she refuses to.

She didn't answer.

I'm in for a couple of long days. I called the afterschool sitter to get her social security number because we were going to claim her pay as a deduction on our taxes.

This is standard practice.

She said she'd already filed, hadn't claimed it and didn't want it to come back on her.

I said we didn't bring it up because we just assumed she'd be claiming it. So I told her, to be clear, we'd be claiming it next year.

So she then quit by text. Now I talked her out of quitting two weeks ago, so something has been building up with her. I got her to commit to stay until we find a replacement, but this means having to hash things over with W.

I've sent W a series of texts and emails today and she hasn't responded. Her phone may be dead. I have no idea what they are doing today.

A lot of stuff going on. I still am not sure why you are filing jointly. You said it helps you so that is a good reason, but since you have been separated for most of the year and W filed, I just figured you would leave that up to her instead of having to go through this together. Plus if you get a return, who gets that money. Have you discussed it yet? Are you splitting it 50/50?

Hope you can find a new baby sitter soon.

Your rates are way better filing together and we are splitting it 50/50. W has not filed a tax return. I'm doing it. Next year she's on her own.

I'll make sure I get my half by having the money deposited at my bank and then sending her her share. That's the advantage of me doing the taxes.

I just got off the phone with W over the babysitter stuff and when the conversation is over my stomach just goes into knots.

At church today, they talked today more about being "The Me I Want To Be." The Me I Want to Be loves everyone and wishes no one troubles. The Me that I am still has a lot of bitterness and anger today. And I had a great weekend.

Another friend last night told me she's been divorced for six years and now feels nothing towards her ex. She even knitted a blanket for the ex's new baby boy he's having with the woman he cheated on her with in the first place.

I know I've come a long way in 10 months, but I just can't ever imagine feeling nothing. I just so wish I didn't have to see or talk to her. I wish I could just wipe the slate clean.

Weird Monday blahs. I'm anticipating getting W's "wish list" on the divorce this week. For some reason, money issues are weighing on me this week.

I should just focus more on myself. I'm having trouble with that.

W called. There's lots going on with D11 this week because of theater.

It's a typical call and one I'm going to have to deal with for the next 10 years.

When I hang up though I still feel angry.

Also got a couple of calls from the credit union. W didn't leave enough in savings to cover second mortgage and they can't reach her. I told them to transfer money from her account to cover it.

Is it bad that it gives me peace to realize she's falling behind at work, savings, etc.

Definitely not the "Me I Want To Be."

Ok, so they call you about the account because they can't reach you? I assume your name is on this loan too since it's the second, but did you inform them of the situation and ask them to only call you in an emergency? Time for her to deal with her own crap. She wants out.....make her be out. Don't save her butt anymore.

Why can't they reach her? Is she not in an office with dozens of phones? Are they all broken? Is her cell phone shut off? If the answer to these questions is no then make them deal with getting in touch with her. Honestly, unless it's majorly behind it's not going to hurt your credit to let her feel the consequences of what she's doing.