I just sent my last test stating what you said about if he doesn't stop contact with her I do not want him in my life anymore. He continues to deny he is talking to anyone.
Do you have proof? Refresh my memory? Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I have been his friend through out this and have been there for him whenever he needed money or other things. We have not ML in 6 months before that we would see each other every couple of weeks when he would come over to visit the girls and we would end up together.
HinT,
You asked me to stop by and give you my opinion on your sitch. I only have a moment, as I'm kinda buried at work, but I just wanted you to consider: In studying literally THOUSANDS of affairs over the past three years, I have personally never seen this approach work.
Ever. (Not saying that it can't, but I have personally never seen it, and I HAVE seen -- way too many times -- how it harms the emotional health of the betrayed spouse).
If you want to do these things because they are "who you are," and/or you consider them "The Right Thing to Do," then that's fine, but don't expect them to hasten your husband's decision to end his affair, and to re-attract him back to you. It doesn't work.
Hangin, I saw your post for help and thought I would drop in.. Hope that's ok... Some of this might be duplicates... I'm not up to speed...
START NOW... Re-read the book. Make TODAY day 1. You have an opportunity every day to start over and do it right - what ever that means for you. I don't think its ever too late to try!!!
This is hard work and you can't half a$$ it - you CAN'T. It takes real work to save a M and you have to be willing to put in the effort. If not, save yourself the heartache
I would also recommend that you read "Love Must be Tough" - I think you will feel better about how you reacted in the beginning. Also "Boundaries" "After the Affair" and "Not Just Friends" are highly recommended reading for someone in your sitch.
I need to find the link to the thread on boundaries - but you need to get those in place asap. I think your recent dissertation to H is a great start, but you are putting the proverbial cart before the horse.
What do you want out of this? What are your goals? Start the DB process from the beginning - go through the book and do everything you are told to - in order. Only then can you properly establish your plan. Help us help you by listing your goals and what you want from this.
Hang in there - It's never too late!!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
HIT, you hit the nail on the head...since you started NC you need to follow through. If you did a different approach, the same would apply.
"The smallest most consistent actions get the best results."
Sticking to one course of action,whatever you choose, is best! (I haven't done NC in part because I want to do it all the way if I am going to)
GOOD LUCK TO YOU and post here! I do not tell everyone to go NC but you said you were ready for divorce or reconciliation and you want to live your life, so it sounds like you are READY to do NC to the hilt!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
