The wife and I had a discussion in the heat of our journeys. She stated the same. I was a good father getting great, a hard worker, good provider, and her best friend. She wanted a relationship just likes ours, but not with me. Really crazy stuff.
At the time I wasn't detached enough and it hurt like h#ll to hear that. Eventually I grew beyond it...but it was still crazy.
Drawing everything out is just a sign of her confusion. My wife was looking for apartments for 2 years....even visited a few. Found excuses to not move out....then hit the financial impact of moving out...etc. At the time she just always had a reason not to move forward with it. Of course those reasons are now today's blessings for her....funny how time changes perspective.
I don't know of anything that sucks more. It is a serious blow to ones ego and self esteem.
I can't help think that this is a temporary state of mind. The love that you see represented by the texts and the phone conversations is the chemical form also know as infatuation. The question is how long can I manage my own anxiety about being "replaced" by someone else. Additionally, if things do turn around how can I ever trust her again. Guess this is way to much analysis and I'm better served by taking one step at a time and focusing on making myself the man I want to be.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Yeah it is kind of funny how our system works. One person has an A and the other must fund there new life. It is not fair. I live in a "no fault" state; however, according to L if you have proof it will assist in the division of assets. I am now going to work on getting proof (i.e. pictures).
Lost - This is where some of the bonus dollars will go.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I live in a "no fault" state; however, according to L if you have proof it will assist in the division of assets. I am now going to work on getting proof (i.e. pictures).
I would either double check with your lawyer or get a new one. The only thing infidelity provides is "cause" to get divorced and/or waive mandatory waiting periods for no-fault divorces. It has NO impact on custody or financial issues. The only thing it can do is provide leverage in your negotiations if she doesn't want to air her dirty laundry.
So why torture yourself with pictures? Think about it.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Jack - The snooping interesting enough happened by accident. I brushed up against her jacket and felt what I thought was "the phone". I did go into the pocket and that is when I found. So I guess yes it was snooping. My response to Drew should address your next point...
Drew - according to my attny - It does not have an impact on custody but could have an impact on the division of assets. Ideally you do not want to air dirty laundry so I assume it would be used in negotiations. I will also check with another attny to cross my facts. According to my attny it may also give me a little leverage if we decide to fight over who stays in the house. At the end of the day I want my M to work but as you know I cannot control that to some extent. What I do not want to do is to get the shaft on something that I did not want. I understand that she is an MLC but that does not mean that me, my kids (especially my D) have to suffer because she has decided to "find herself". At the end of the day I will stand as long as I can. I made mistakes in the M - no question about that but I cannot control what she does. I can only work on myself and protect myself. In terms of the pictures I agree - if with the text and the cell phone records I have enough then trust me I do not want to go the route of pictures.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I do find it ironic that she thinks I'm a good father, wants to be friends and is more than happy to take my money but being M to me is a no go.
Yeah, I get that feeling a lot of times. I remember once I was catching up on our bills and it was payday and the money was already gone -- all of it. And I went to ask W about some of the purchases and she went off on me about "it's her money too."
In September, when we had the one good talk we've had since I moved out she said she felt happier because she felt more in control of her life.
Yet now, she's going after every single dime even though she makes more than me.
Thank God I've kind of formulated a plan so that if the worst case scenario happens I won't be eating bread crumbs.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Its 2am. I've been drinking too much. The only thing I want to say is I love my W. Why can't that be enough? Why can't I stop loving her? She obviously could care less about me. What is wrong with me? I want to send her a text and leave her a VM telling her that I still love her. I won't but I want to.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
The only analogy I can give you is of someone sinking in quick sand. If you panic and try and pull him out you will get sucked down with him. Your are no good to anyone standing in the same hole. Go look for some sticks and ropes(self improvements) but for God's sakes stay away from the hole.
C-Bart, Remember this? I do, and it has saved me more than once. I truly understand how you feel.
