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EMDR= Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I would suggest people google it if interested b/c I don't think my limited understanding would allow me to explain it very well I just know it worked for me...
BTW, my IC did not use the traditional method of causing eye movement by moving her fingers in front of my face. She explained that the point of it is "bilateral stimulation" of the brain which can also be accomplished by holding a paddle in each hand that alternately vibrates. That's what we did. You can soothe yourself when feeling triggerd by alternately squeezing stress balls in each hand, rocking from side to side, or even walking in a rythmic way that allows some side to side movement.

So are you saying we can try some of these things on our own? Do you think of the "trauma' while doing these things?

WOW, it sounds interesting! I've never heard of it but I'll google it to find out more about it. In any case, I'm glad you feel this form of therapy has benefitted you. I can really relate to the triggers, the anger, resentment and negative cycle of behaviour. Be sure to continue giving us updates on the therapy.

RW, that's quite the testimonial for EMDR! I'm so glad that you're feeling good about things. Communicating about finances positively is a huge step forward IMO. That's a major factor in my sitch.

Yes, you can use those methods to soothe yourself if feeling triggered and if you are having trouble with traumatic thoughts/feelings/images.... BUT, obviously you can't do the therapy on your own, so you don't want to try to focus on the trauma like you would in therapy. Instead you use it to try to soothe yourself and move on to more positive thoughts, emotions etc. At least that's the way I understand it.

I will keep you updated.

I swear OW has some kind of radar... just when I make a little progress she pulls something. After three months of no contact, now she sends my H an email. Subject line is the name of the award she is winning. He did not open it, deleted right away. We are assuming she wants to make sure he knows she is getting the award.

For the most part, I am not letting it get to me. I cannot let her continue to have power over me and my emotions. I am glad H told me and I made sure he knew that. I am glad H is honest that he was curious but knows it is best not only for our M and me but even for him if he does not open it.

But, it still sucks. And, it did bring some of the anger back full force for a bit. I think I am talking myself through it ok.... grrrrrr.... just wish she would go away and leave us alone to heal and move on.

Ma, they do have some weird radar don't they? I"m so sorry that once you calmed down she had to pop up and test you again. H is honest = that is the best you can hope for. The rest is a trauma you suffered that won't go away over night so nurture yourself. ((RW))

(((Rocked)))

Sigh. What part about 'no contact' does she not understand?? What a wench.

I'm glad that your H told you about it and didn't open the message. Do you have access to his email? As Puppy likes to say, trust but verify. I have a feeling that she might try it again and I'd want to know that your H's curiosity doesn't get the better of him.

And I'm so proud of you for talking yourself through it!

Thanks for your support H4L and Pearl.

Of course she sent it to his work email, which is the only one I don't have access to as he can only access it from on site at his workplace. So, I am going to have to trust that he is telling me the truth. My gut is telling me he is. Because I don't have access to that one, he didn't have to tell me about it and I would have never known. But he did. And that is a good sign. She knows I wouldn't have access to that one. Yup, she is a wench. Worse than that, but I am a lady so I won't say what I'd like to.

I believe it is absolutely KILLING her to not know whether my H even knows about this award. That, in and of itself is sweet vindication to me.

You're right, you will just have to trust him in that case. I don't know how I would have gotten through the first six months without access to BF's work email. And for good reason too! I don't check it anymore but I feel more secure knowing that I can at any time.

Hee hee, I bet you're right about it killing her that your H hasn't even commented on her precious award.