Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Wasting Away Again In Batchittcrazyville...

Glad you were able to talk it out with the girls. When it comes to all kids, but often esp. girls, open lines of communication and reassurance can be key.

So how are those wedding plans coming along? You in a pink tie would be pretty cute...

I think I read somewhere that his wife and his kids areall living in the same house in Windemere and he si practising...I say he plays Augusta 100%. Those good old boys down there control the media....perfect for him to get his first start or maybe second....I still think he will play at BAy Hill.

Okay, my first response was flip, but I do actually have some insight/input, or maybe just opinion. I read what you said about it being an emotional crutch, or an excuse for other behaviors. I am currently experiencing something similar with my 12 year old daughter. She brings up the divorce in times of extreme stress or when she has done something wrong and been caught. She tells me she hates it and wishes it didn't happen, and hates that other kids have normal families and her's sucks. It has been three years since her dad moved out and he remarried as soon as we were divorced. I told her that I agree it sucks on some levels, but we can't change it so we need to move past it. I also wonder if it is manipulation or truly her deeper feelings. I believe that they have these fears/issues, but are also playing them up a little bit. I do know that 12 year old girls tend to be emotionally on the edge. They are changing so much physically and the hormones definitely effect the emotions. I wonder why she has abandonment issues if she has a loving father. I can see the fear that her mom will "love you more than her" and I think it ties into the hormonal 12 year old girl issue on some level. It is good that Michele told her she will be going to counseling. I am doing the same with my 12 year old, and she has had the same response. Seriously, 12 year old girls are way too much work!

BND...maybe all 12 year old girls are the same after all..I do think the she uses it as a crutch....The abandonement issues come not from her mother/father divovrcing but due to a relationship her mom had with a man soon after..he was a pastor living a double life..(it's a long story)anyway...she references this breakup...and says she fears me leaving..so I listen..tell her I'm not going anywhere..give them all a lot of my time..

her mom and sisters...all say she needs to start...I think they pray for it I have lived with emotional..hell I've lived with batchitt crazy..I've even been to a world's fair..but I've never experienced, defiant, crying, then laughing and joyful in 15-20 minutes time.....

one more issue is that I have a 4 year old girl...so the 12 year old was the baby..and now she's not..

at first I was hurt...after thinking about it...I became almost pissed..not at her..but because i felt like she used me as an excuse to get out of the discussion (argument) with her mom and 2 sisters......if you guys knew how dedicated Michele-me-the dad and the step mom were to all these kids and what we did for them..then you would see why I sort of get upset....I mean..I spent 3 nights in the last week at the wellness center with this 12 year old..just me and her..doing basketball drills to get her better for her AAU team..which she begged me to do..I mean I don't begrudge that at all..

but you see what I mean??

of course having said all that..I know how kids are...I raised a boy who is now 25....

It will all be alright in the end..I suppose...

well..they are moving slowly..I mentioned May 1 as a possible date..but don't think it will be that soon..they have missed a boatload of school due to snow..and don't get out until June 11..Michele's oldest..goes on an Inner City Mission trip to NYC on May 29...$4000 for that...lol...the middle girl does competition cheerleading...around $1500 for that...lol..the youngest has AAU basketball...lots of time goes into that..The middle keeps the books for the high school baseball team..softball is starting soon for the youngest..

you get my drift?? we may work a wedding in there somewhere..

my daddy always told me patience is a virtue..

All you can do is reassure her, as you have been doing. I have done the same with my daughter. I can't give her what she wants, her family back together, but I can give her "our new family." And make it hte best it can be.

Hello everyone...this will be my last post..hopefully for a long long time...I may stop by now and again to read..but I just don't think I'll be posting anymore..

some people to thank...Ian, Michelle, Kathleen, Maria, Kerry, John, Brian, Laura, Fred..Chad, Bobbi Jo...all the ones I started with..I owe you...thanks for making the walk with me...thanks for teaching me some things...thanks for telling me to shut up when I needed to be told to shut up..thanks for making me be still.....I know I've left some people out..don't feel slighted, I appreciated all the help and hope that I have helped more than I have hindered.

I'm sure people will wonder why I'm leaving...well TBH..I'm tired..I don't know If I buy into the whole DB thing anymore..so that makes me think I don't need to be giving advice anymore..

I think maybe it's better that you learn when to keep your mouth shut...which battles to fight and when to just be still....sometimes telling what you are feeling..basically bites you in the ass..

I think bottom line women want a man who knows when to listen to their problems and then when he has problems they like you to just eat your problem..and get rid of the problem so they have no fault..

enough ramblin..I'm good..

Love you all..mean it..

Good luck Mike - you are a straight shooter and a good man. Go catch some fish with that little girl of yours. Have another fun 25 years at your employer. BTW... I am coming up on my 25 in about 3 years, but I bet that I dont get a watch.

PS... Your Tide dont have to worry about the Ducks next year in football. The duckies are all in jail.

Hey Mikey..

I remember figuring out your clever hints on how to find your email, others following suit and swapping emails, Maria leading the brigade to FB and Ms. Imp calling it the 'alternate universe'. I'm proud to be in your graduating class.

Being able to talk beyond the message board was a life saver for me. Thanks for being my friend during those long months when up and down looked an awful lot like side to side. And your exquisite use of the 'duh' factor which smacked sense into me, though it had to be repeated to be effective.

I've felt that DB is a life saver during those early months. But with that tremendous growth, coupled with a supportive board, I know I learned lots of other methods so that DB was just once piece in the arsenal. I have no clue if my marriage could be saved and/or divorce stopped. Yet.. I am a much healthier person now than I have been in ages.

Mike.. I'm so happy you're happy. I can't believe your beautiful baby is no longer even a toddler. And that you've found something special with Michelle and her daughters. I've never known a guy so willing to leap into a pool of estrogen. The fact the girls love sports must warm the cockles of your heart.

You're the man.. and a heckuva a good pal.

*hugs*

I'll miss you VOR!!! You gave me the 2x4's I needed, right when they were most required.

Thank you so much for all you have done not only for me, but for so many others here on the board. While DB principles may work for a few, I no longer believe they are the end all be all. There may be those that argue this, but I see the books now as more of a veiled guideline to saving yourself in the guise of trying to save your M. It's really more about self-awareness and self-improvement than M saving.

Good luck to you and Michele. I'm so very happy for you all. There is no doubt in my heart that you will be an excellent husband to her and a wonderful step-dad for her girls!!

Best Wishes!