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Sitch sounds so close to mine right now.
We have identified what went wrong but now of course I get the "its too late" verbage....
I am too like you Gima that she wants out but lives in our home, and in same bed as well..
Emotions are everywhere with me. Trying to DB but always seems like I take one step back because of the emotional attachment.

Gima, do your kids know whats going on? Have they been advised? if so, how was that handled in your sitch.

GIMA, for all I know my H has been plotting D for years. But a lot changed after separation. I really see it as a *huge* step towards D...I wish I had had the chance to DB while living in the same home.

Cesco,

The kids don't know. Its going to be VERY hard telling them.

Flowmom,

I wish my DB'ing had made a difference. It helped me improve me, but made NO difference to my W.

GIMA, I apologize for my post above. I see that it's about my sitch, not yours

I'm sorry to read that you don't feel that DBing has made a difference to your W. (((GIMA)))

There is absolutely NO reason to apologize. None.

And DB'ing was successful, if the goal was for me to save ME. It really isn't about saving your M directly. It does allow you to become a better person (or as sandi says become a "person only a fool would leave").

You are still very early into your sitch. No one knows how any of the sitchs here are gonna turn out. So, do what YOU think is the right thing for YOU. But do it from a place of strength, not fear.

gima, you have to stop trying to understand. You know it's an exercise in futility. And, besides, you're trying to understand someone's behavior and actions through the prism of your own ironclad principles and values. Apples and oranges, my friend. And results in nothing but exasperation.

Your wife should tell them with you present so she doesn't try a "weasel;"

But goddam, gima, you did Give It Your All! And you were an inspiration to watch.
And if you remember, this Hare of a Gardener thought that if the slow and steadfast gima Tortoise didn't bust his D, he would and should have absolutely no regrets.

I applaud your unflagging efforts and your integrity, my friend.

Thanks Gardener. I appreciate your kind words.

I am trying to stop tormenting myself by trying to understand the impossible to understand. I just need to drop it. End result is the same whether I figure it out or not. Tough to do.