Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Better Days

Hey all -

My thread in Newcomers was locked, so I'll take that as a subtle hint that I should be moving on to this forum. So, making the initial post, planting the flag, and saying, yeah, this is the road I'm on.

So, I've got the Goo Goo Dolls' Greatest Hits playing in my car recently, so I'll take my thread title from them - this one seems more optimistic than "Here is Gone" Incidentally, for anyone interested, Goo Goo Dolls' Greatest Hits is whole lot like listening to the radio. I suppose if I go buy Matchbox20's greatest hits and put that in my car, I won't be able to tell the difference.

We're on the last part of the road now. Have mediation on Thursday night, have largely sorted out what we want to do. Our interactions are on the same cycle, the intimate moments on Sunday to her being angry about money last night. And I guess I've realized that it's so easy to be drawn in, I just responded with "I'm not doing anything to antagonize you." "Just tell me what you need." Cause you know, when she says this all seems unfair, that's my cue to tell her it's the consequences of the choices she's made. But, that's not the right response. The truth is, she was unhappy and she'd rather make these choices than continue with our marriage.

She still makes statements something like, she's rather have a relationship after we're divorced, rather than stay married - see what happens "organically". I'm not sure what to say to that. Ohh, it's the same old stuff I've posted a hundred times. Ruminating doesn't help.

So - what's the upside? We can keep this on good terms. We can make choices for the benefit of the boys. I'm keeping the house, so I'll be moving home. These are good things.

OK well, here I am. Surviving the big D. Hopefully will be better than surviving. Here's to "Better Days".

Welcome! I am starting to understand why a waw thinks that "being friends" after divorce is such a good idea. Because if you are friends that usually means that everything is "a-o-k". and that is the first step to rebuilding a relationship of any kind. If we have truly let go of the anger and hurt then why could we not be friends? I am not all the way there yet but someday I will be. You will be too. good luck

You are probably a better person than me! I can handle being civil with my ex whom I have 4 kids with, but I don't think I could be friends with someone who treats people the way he does. Sorry, I am not disposable in reality.

Sorry that you find yourself here Bill. These boards are a great source of support. Most of us here like to think of this board more as Thriving then Surviving. So if you'll open the bar, I would like a Cosmo please !!

kat

Bill, welcome to our section.

Don't know if you may be jumping over here a little early--your W seems to change her mind every other day! But we do have a great group of people here--I'm not much of a drinker, so for my drink how about a Mocha Latte?

I've noticed your attitude seems a bit stronger lately or resolved or something; but anyway, things have a way of working out...

Ok, friends may have been too strong a word:)

A friend of mine Saturday told me she's been divorced six years and is totally over the old feelings. She even knitted her ex's fiance a little sweater for the baby they are having together.

She said she did it to be an example for her kids.

I get that -- but I can't imagine ever totally losing the feelings for her -- both good and these bad ones at the end.

I can imagine conversations about the girls and perhaps the occasional family outing.

But I can't imagine long talks on the phone about whatever or extended time together.

No. It would bring it all back -- the longing and the anger.

I don't think I have that strength.

I know what you mean Clinging. I only see my stbxw once a week for about 5 minutes- 5 minutes a week! I can handle being warm toward her for 5 minutes a week but I sure can't knit!! lol

Thanks all for welcomes! Open bar, I'm sticking with stout. But Karen, I'm a coffee lover too.

My W and I (well, STBX) are generally OK around each other, even spending time together sometimes, but it can get intense. She's generally all over the place.

I don't know Karen... I said to her the other day:
Do you know what your problem is? (This made her start laughing)
Then:
You lack consistency. (That made her really start laughing)

Yeah, I generally don't know what to expect from her day to day, but I think we're pretty much going through with the D.

With the arrangement we're talking about - they're living with me, but they're with her during the day (before / after school), we're generally going to see each other every day.

That'll be a hoot. To be honest, I think it leaves a little too much room for arguments. But nothing in this situation is going to be perfect.

Stronger? Yeah, I suppose so. I'm getting myself sorted out. Perspective? Acceptance? Self-preservation? Who knows. I know I need to move forward. Again, from Churchill: If you're going through Hell, keep going.

I was thinking today, though - nothing is forever, is it? This may sound like a downer, but it's not intended to be... but every relationship we have is going to end. People pass away, people leave. The only one we're stuck with from birth to death is ourselves. So - the value is in the moments we do have with each other. We had good moments. There was a lot of good.

And now, I've got to invest in my future, and my boys' future.

We have mediation tomorrow - the intention being putting together the final paperwork.

Off to bed - you guys have a good night -

You are right, nothing is forever! I too have thought about that. The good times were many and it was great but the future holds...? Irish coffee sounds good.

You sound really good. How long has it been from bomb to today?