Piecing has to start somewhere. But if you think i would be better moving to Infidelity then i will make the leap across.
That's a decision you have to make - where do you think you are? All these are choices for you that only you can decide for because you live with the results, not us.
BTW - great job on the email based on the results. Maybe before your R talk, get the reading done. I really think the "improve your marriage" should be first on your list (by pat love) because it might help you understand his point of view better.
Thank-you Onthemountaintop, I will check out amazon now. I have read several already, After the Affair,Just Good Friends, I Love You but I'm Not In Love With You and of course DB.
All good books and one that ive loaned to a friend, to pre-empt a situation i saw looming.
Your input really helped and gave me the shove to bite the bullet and make the email. Alot of what i said wasn't new but i think said in a different way, alot clearer and underlining how i think he's behaved with strength and integrity throughout these last few months. We are 10months into our 'separation' now. and i think I may have a better idea where we are headed soon. Maybe not absolutely as there is no absolutes but with a little more confidence.
On a lighter note, we are paintballing on Sunday with a group of friends so if he wishes to let off a few rounds at me then heres his opportunity!! I hear it can be quite painful so im off to find some padded clothes!!!
Hope alls well with you, take care Onthemountaintop (do you shorten your name at all?)
me 41 H 40 D 10 S 13 S 15 separated in same house 05/09 my A 05-07/09
CLIFE: I didn't expect an email back from my H as he doesn't usually respond to anything of a personal nature, before the separation or now. But he replied.
YESSSSSSSSS! CONGRATULATIONS! He really heard you and even stepped out to express his emotions back in that email. This is a huge babystep towards possible healing. Wow, wow, wow. Good luck.
Hi OTM, well the paintballing is out in the fields, lots of trees and sooooo much mud, but im sort of looking forward to it. We have some wonderful, supportive friends and we do enjoy spending time with them. This is for our friends daughters 16th birthday so lots to celebrate, whilst dodging 'bullets'!!
Thank-you rr22, i was enormously encouraged to read his reply. Just trying to keep things in perspective and keep to his timeline. I do appreciate what u wrote, more a few days after than immediately on reading. Altho it subconciously hit home immediately. Your 2x4 encouraged me to not give in to self pity and realise that HE needs to direct this relationship until he is ready to move forward. Only then can we work on a new relationship, and make a better marriage. Once he has begun to heal.
Thank-you. x
me 41 H 40 D 10 S 13 S 15 separated in same house 05/09 my A 05-07/09
I did not mean to 2X4 so hard, but I've read so much lately about allowing spouses to "get over it" (forgive and forget issues) on their OWN timeline that I've given it a lot of thought. And the level of anger and rage I have read over in the infidelity forum seems to second that about it being on THEIR timeline and expecting the spouse to respect THEIR timeline.It's extremely difficult. Good luck.
