It's almost like I know I could fight this if I knew what to fight for. There is still part of me that does not want to give up, and yet what else am I supposed to do? I don't want to, and yet I feel like I have been fighting a lost battle.
I think the fact that there have been two Fridays gone past w/o the end result being the divorce has me very confused as well. When XH and I got divorced, I filed. We had really tried, but in the end, we both agreed it was just better not to be together. And the kids were actually happier, which I know is rare. But I digress...Once the day came that the divorce was to be finalized, I was there early. I made sure I knew what court, where I was supposed to be, the whole nine yards.
I realize that he is probably not waffling, but that this is not much of a priority to him. I have sent him emails telling him that I really just want this over now. I dont want to stay married to someone who obviouisly does not love me. And it seems like he cares so little that he just blows it off. I asked him to let me go. I realize in his mind he already has, but in mine, I am still married. It is very difficult to move on when you are still married, whether it be on paper or in the mind.
I feel like I need to have some kind of closure. Maybe not all the way, but this is a start.
I hate acceptance. It hurts.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You women really understand me, many times spelling out exactly how I feel.
THIS is exactly how I feel too.. And it seems like he cares so little that he just blows it off. I asked him to let me go. I realize in his mind he already has, but in mine, I am still married. It is very difficult to move on when you are still married, whether it be on paper or in the mind.
Took the words right out of my mouth Lolal. I don't expect nor do I think that signing a piece of paper will make all of this magically disappear. For me, all that will mean is legally we aren't married. For me this is going to be a journey, one that is going to take time, probably longer than I anticipate. But such is life. The heart feels what it feels and unfortunately it can't be told how to feel, when to feel it, etc. I'm trying to do everything in my power to work through this and feel everything and not repress it.
I agree about the time. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me, that after all we were together such a short time and I should be through grieving by now. I have gotten past hoping he will come back, praying that he will come back, and I understand that this is inevitable.
At least my head does.
Now, if I could just get my heart to believe it...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I do have to admit every time I see that Stupid German in my phone, I start just cracking up like a lunatic...
It really does make me feel better...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
good laugh for the morning Michelle