Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC, H and me

Cw-

I have a post on here "doing it my way" that I have been trying to keep current. The first post has links to my prior posts. Not a lot there since I didn't post a lot, but the transformation in my thinking is pretty obvious.

I am afraid of heights also...so it is better that you have a pro do it. I can overcome the fear...but I have also done 20-30 roofs in my lifetime...so it takes me only a few minutes to control my inhibitions.

On changing the scenery....I have found some easy changes even can change things. Recently because of Christmas we have rearranged the living room three times since Thanksgiving. Each time the room feels "different"....more inviting. The furniture is the same...but the layout changes the atmosphere.

I will look up your thread LFW! That is funny that you mention rearranging furniture because my family makes fun of me as they never know how it is going to be arranged when they get home! I do that all the time! I am happy to report that I did find a new comforter yesterday so will look for paint colors now!!!

Today I am struggling with a decision I made a few weeks back to change the locks on the house after I saw H bring OW here. He had asked me if I was locking him out and I told him no I was not but that I didn't feel "safe" here anymore. Anyway, was reading a book last night "When A Mate Wants Out" and it says specifically in there to not do that. It is by Jim and Sally Conway. He went through MLC himself.

I think I am also waiting for the other shoe to drop, not knowing if H is going to proceed with the D process or slow it down. The L I talked to advised that March 4 would be the day that his L would file...dread going to the mailbox now!!!

CW-

I never changed the locks....but after the sh@t really hit the fan the OP only came here once. That said....the house is our security nest and I don't think that bringing the OW to your house is showing your home respect. He can pull up with her to get the kids etc....but being in your house when you aren't home....I don't see it.

Another way at looking at it....would you just let the cable guy in your house to do repairs when you aren't home? The mail man? Your neighbors?

That is a good way to look at it LFW. I am in a very small town and we never used to lock our doors but since H left, we do now! That is exactly how I feel though is that my home was the one place that OW had not been too and it was my safe place and when I saw he had brought her here it made me sick. He told me that she had not been in the house and that he would not do it again.

Hi, CW! Just wanted to let you know I found your thread and will checking in on you. I realize you MLC spouses might need to do things different but support is always useful!

Thank goodness you aren't doing the roof- that scared me! Not because you are a woman (ha ha) but because roofs can be dangerous AND some things are just reserved for people who are experienced, you know?

(I am totally pacing the floors right now and trying to be distracted while I wait for WH to call and tell me the results. Obviously it is bad because he has been in there for almost an hour. But I know people rarely die from testicular cancer)

Another one here whose glad you gave up the roof idea, not a lover of heights here either, bit daft when I ride a horse that is therotically 6ft off the ground lol.

You never know life unless you get outside your box.

LOL...that said the roof is probably a little much.

Newmama-My thoughts are with you...I know it will be the best.

Thanks NM and LR! I can't even get past the 3rd step on a ladder so there is not way I could get on a roof although I understand that we need to get past our fears! Let me try a roller coaster first! Oh wait, I am on one right now and I knew I didn't like them for a reason! I am glad you found me NM! Think Lance Armstrong!!!!

CW, I am there with you about roller coasters! There is actually a therapy for overcoming fear of roller coasters--starts with watching them on video, then watching from the perspective of riding one, then going on a "baby" one (but there are no baby roller coasters in my book, lol!)

So how are you today? About the locks- well heesh, there are so many different opinions out there! If it was completely wrong, you'd think that would be the consistent view point!At least it showed you set a boundary by saying he can't come and go like he still is living there as a husband and father...

(and thanks for the well wishes CW and LR- I apologize for dropping that in on your thread-will post on my own now :-) )

Nm! You stop by anytime! I like what you said about the locks! It sure seemed right at the time!

Dreaded going to the mailbox today as I wasn't sure if I would find a letter from H's lawyer. My L seemd to think today would be the day that H's L would file the voluntary appearance paper I signed...of course, it could still come tomorrow....do ya think if I just don't go get the mail...it will not come??? lol

Kept busy at work today, in fact, I am beat! So, I didn't even think of that all day. I do need to finish picking up the house a little for when the realtor comes tomorrow.