Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am better. I think I needed that good cry that I have been trying to avoid. It was really set off by something minor, I had been asking a friend of mine what she was doing this weekend, and felt like I kept getting blown off. Then after all that, I saw that she went out to lunch w/ her daughter and mother, which is not really a big deal and in the grand scheme of things really nice. But I just felt so lost at that point, and I did make the comment to her. Her response was to suck it up, which was 1/2 joke, 1/2 serious, and that just made things worse. I ended up in a two hour crying jag.
I did tell her it was easier said than done to just suck it up. It's not like I enjoy feeling like crap. It's not like I enjoy having to face the fact that the SG is a moron. (BTW, he is now listed on my phone as Stupid German. THAT made me feel ALOT better). It's not like I enjoy any of this, and although I would love to say that the grieving is over, its not. I have hit acceptance, and that is the hardest.
But the thing that I have found is most people do not understand the whole grieving process when you lose someone you love unless they have lost the same, and she hasn't. So I accept the fact that she is uneducated in this aspect, and frankly I am glad she is, because no one should ever have to go through this.
I am rambling...I may do that a lot for the next few days...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I had been asking a friend of mine what she was doing this weekend, and felt like I kept getting blown off.
Totally relate. I stopped asking friends to do anything with me because I nearly always get blown off. It's a bad attitude but the rejection has been more than I can take. Just yesterday it happened again. I had made plans to go to an afternoon movie with a friend but she backed out on my 15 minutes before we were supposed to leave. So.....ICK!
The crying is very therapeutic even though it makes you feel like crud while it's happening. Love that you listed him that was in your phone! What's his ringer? I used to have Gabe listed as Dumba$$ and his ringer was "If I Only Had A Brain". It's now totally generic but that was a great stress reliever then.
Yep, I wouldn't wish this on anyone just so they could understand the grieving. Thankfully (or not so thankfully) my BFF went through this about 7 years ago and has been with me every step of the way even from 2,500 mile away.
Ramble away! You know we're here listening. HUGS!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I find myself saying that a lot too, I appreciate so much all the support my friends have provided but frankly they don't know what it's like and I am thankful for that. I tell them that too. I use to be so scared of divorce, and I'm becoming more accepting of it now. I've realized it seems as though there are more of us that are, or soon to be divorced than not it seems. That's sad but reality.
I find too that small things can set me off into an emotional spell of feeling angry, alone, scared, but mostly lonely. The last week or so I've struggled with the fact that how in the hell can my H not care if he loses his family- me and son. I just can't wrap my head around it but the fact that he isn't fighting for us tells me everything I need to know. Still working on my decree (thank you bbj again).....
I'm going on my lunch today to buy Journey From Abandoment to Healing - Suan Anderson. I'm hoping the book will provide me with some peace and knowledge.
Small related fact to your phone...my H is no longer listed in my favorites...it's weird to search for him in my phone (when needed) but nonetheless he isn't a favorite.
I'm glad you're doing better Lol.....most days I wonder how I'd manage without these boards, all you people who support, who know just what this feels like. Afterall, I think all of us just want to relate.
Ring tone is Gives You Hell by the All American Rejects. I find it amusing that Andy's life has basically fallen apart, he was telling me that he got a car after his big shiny fancy Jeep Commander was repo'd, and last week it broke down. I know it is mean, but that made me thing hahahahahaha. See you idiot? If you had just kept your weinerschnitzel in your damned pants, we wouldn't be going through this right now. But NOOOOOOOO, you had to run away, so every bit of hell right now serves you right!
Right now, I think he deserves everything he gets. Karma is a bitch.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Why are they so dumb they don't see what they are giving up?
Why do they continue to lie/evade at this point? Hello, what am I going to do, divorce you? That's already happening, so just man up and tell the truth!!
OK rant over....just know I feel your pain. I am hitting acceptance too which pisses me off bc I am an 'action' person and I have nothing left to fight against...
but reality.