Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Fast track to her divorcing me

If you think there is one you are probably right. I would just detach and not worry about it or her. You are D. There is really nothing else you can do. Keep living your life and act as if she is not coming back. Most OM's do not last. You have to work on yourself to make you the most attractive option, either for her or for someone else.

Umm, G, assume fetal 'crash' position, here comes the good 'ol 2x4 again.

Why? Why are you going to wait around? For what? The reality of the matter here, no matter when they started an A or R at whatever time, he's no longer a OTHER MAN, he's now HER MAN.

As such, you are now D, her problems by that nature are no longer yours in any sense. And should someone else be in the picture, good, terrific, let's see how long they are willing to put up with them. And at the same time that they don't assist or at least make an attempt, let's see how long they want to be around and hear how you USED to. And that will get her gears turning and start to lift that preverbial fog.

How do I know?

Been there, done that.

You have a long time together under your belt. A's and OP in general, as said, don't last. No matter how bleak it may look now, don't discourage yourself. If you were the 'great person' you proclaimed to be, she will be back and what the papers say, who cares?

In the meantime, here's the problem. You've been db'ing trying to reach the person she once was. As said, that is wrong as db'ing is for you. But still, we'll look at it this way, you wanted back the person she was. The person she became has gone full tilt with the D. Do you really want to try and appease that version of her? Do you really want to associate yourself with that person she is now?

"No" you say?

Then don't. Let some other schmuck take her beatings. Let some other schmcuk be her psychological punching bag.

You are free to go. Stings, yers. But none the less, you carry no more burdens. So go. Live a burden free life and enjoy it. Get so wrapped up in yourself that you finally FORGET all that has transpired.

And when you least expect it, something will happen, I guarentee it.

No, but I know the old W is in there somewhere.

You are right. 2x4 taken as deserved. If something happens I will post here again. Just my own insecurities shining through. Its just that an OM was a deal breaker before D so after D it still holds the same boundry for a possible R.

I pray that this will not happen but its out of my hands.

TY for the reality check. It still hasnt sunk in that I am no longer married to her.

I asked my attorney the other day if I have to be in court the day the D is finalized. He said I didn't so if/when it gets to that, unless it's contested and have to be there, I don't plan to be.

I look at it this way. I was there for all of the important moments, asking her to marry me, the wedding, the honeymoon, buying our two houses, the births of our two daughters, burying my mom and her dad.

This date. I don't need to be there for that and that way I can avoid the "Are you sure" and "Are you happy" questions. The only time those answers are what you want to hear are in the movies.

If I even consider asking them I'll remember what happened to you.

G450-
I'll be joining you soon in this forum...I too am headed towards D.

I know alots happened pretty quickly- what Cutter and the others have said is true- you have huge history w/ XW, children etc...your sitch is not over yet...but from here on out, it's about you and what you are doing for you.

Don't go nuts about a possible OM- the more you dig the more attached you are- TRUST ME>

I really feel for you, but I'd trade sitches in a heart beat- my WAW is full blown in a PA and MIL supports it. We've been together only 2 years, and they were very boring b/c we were both sober our entire R, now she's drinking.

Just work on you and everything will be OK.

Sorry to hear the news Maynard.

Have been following your sitch a while back and am familiar with it and it sounds as if your STBXW has just lost it completely.

Like you I had a hard time detaching and going dark. Still do but I have gotten better.

Guess I should consider myself lucky that Im not in your shoes. But I just dont feel lucky.

Me and my XW hardly ever talk now. Been dark for two weeks now. I know, not long but it sure feels like it. Last time we talked was to let her know I was dropping off a copy of my new will to her.

I am starting to GAL now. Tried online dating and have had zero luck getting any responses. Seems 47yr old men are invisible there for some reason. And all the women there my age are dating 20 and 30yr olds.

I cant understand why these women put themselves out there and then do not respond when somebody that meets their profile emails them for a date. They could at least email back saying no thanks or something.

Im going to the races in Temple with my brothers and with my friend and her Son so we should have a good time weather permitting. Something I have never done before. Should be fun.

Take care of yourself and sorry to see you here but missery loves company LOL. So pull up a bar stool and have a beer with me.

I dont know where you are emotionally- I know that 20 yrs is a VERY LONG TIME-

I find myself after 6 yrs, wanting to wait a while before I get mixed up w/ someone else- Sure I miss the creature comforts and what have you, but this is my time o rebuild myself.

Maybe take a break from the online thing- I'm 33 and tried my hand at it a few months ago to stay busy- I didnt get any replies either...plus from what I hear from some women I know at work on those things- they pretty much are looking for a free meal- maybe not everyone, but these women told me thats all they were looking for.

Yeah maybe. Im trying to be carefull.

Emotionally it still hurts and I still love her. Always will. I consider her like an ill patient that needs to work things out.

She is steadfast that it is over forever. Her fast track to an instant divorce pretty much sums up her feelings about it.

Dont want to date but Im not getting any younger and doing stuff alone sucks. What can I say. It's not like Im out there looking for a new wife. Im not.

I hear you- do whatever you need to do to get your spirits up- so long as it's not self-destructive...I blew up big time through this...

The NC actually makes it easier I find. I'll tell ya- the way things were for me for 6 months I think it would have been better that W just left immediately,

I've read other posts about people going into 007 spy mode and I hate it- I became a different person- I am a little embarrassed by it too.

Hang in there, have a great weekend, hope the weather works out for you

Sadly the weather didnt hold. Races start at 6pm its too cold and windy so my Bros cancelled and so did my date (friend).

No big deal. Spring is around the corner.

Funny you should mention 007 spy mode. I used that term here when I was snooping. Glad that this part of my life is over. But honestly I wish I had snooped sooner so that I could get a grip as to what was really happening. Never got any real proof, only the suspicion of an EA. I think her facebook friends and co-workers contributed to her making her final decision. Seems she involved everybody except me in the process.

Like you, her living with me was a nightmare. When she finally moved out it was like somebody opened the valve of a pressure cooker. Having her here and hating me was pure torture.

Ironically, living here alone now is a different, slow moving kind of torture. Hence my desire to find female friendship.