Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I've hit a wall.. Now what?

Ok tal, calm down! Deep breaths.

First of all, telling spy over and over and over that you're done with H is not going to work. Methinks the lady doth protest too much... As I said before and Wholeagain said recently, don't talk about H at all to spy or anyone who will talk to H. Remember that actions speak louder than words. Only talk about good, fun things going on in your life. You can be miserable, angry, emotional, whatever, all you want when you're alone in the privacy of your own home. To the rest of the world you project confidence in your new path.

In fact, I would take it one step further and tell spy you're no longer interested in updates on H. You've accepted that he has chosen a separate life and you want to respect that. Trust me, that'll get back to H in an instant!

Detachment and no contact isn't about being a bitch. (I had that problem too.) Think about how you would interact with a neighbor or coworker. Don't be rude, just not overly friendly. Don't ignore H's questions if they aren't coming the way you want to receive them. If he's asking a valid business question then respond when you're able.

I think you were fine with texting back because you were busy at work. Then you left a message to explain that. Not sure that was totally necessary but it was fine. Next time if you just want to keep it to texting just include in the text--busy at work, can't call.

And the fact that you're all over the place now says to me that you should stick to communication you can plan. Don't overthink everything, but you should think things through instead of going on the fly until you're more settled in your emotional responses to H.

Hugs!

Or try something with spy like "oh, let's not talk about H, that's too boring." Then rapidly change topic.

You guys are awesome!! Pearl - I totally agree. I might have over exaggerated in my post - I don't "protest" as much as I made it sound I was WAY too overdramatic earlier - UGH PMS... I've started implementing the "don't tell me" rule with spy - mostly because the info messes with my head. He actually said to me yesterday - "You've reached the point of no return - huh?" I will now officially avoid that convo... LOVE the transition flowmom - I'll be using that all the time!

H texted - "got message - thank you for letting me know I really appreciate it - let me know if I need me to help with anything". Back to NC - March 1 is Monday and that is implement the emailed plan from last week day... SO.... we will see what happens. Im steering clear of the bomb....

HHH - ME AND YOU for the over analyzing... I HAVE to stop putting myself on this roller coaster - its no fun any more. I agree - DONE PARTY!!!

As for this weekend - I DON'T have to work for once so I'm going out tonight - SALSA! I have a shoe party on Sun so I'm super excited about that - I might build a little me day around it and get my hair colored/ cut, little mini makeover!!

The freakouts are lasting hours instead of days.... At least today is more signs of progress....

Thanks for talking me off the ledge... again...

HUGS

T

T -

Hey, I'd like to be invited to the shoe party.

Are you in MN?? I've never been to one so I don't know how good it will be but you are always welcome to come along

Hahaha No, I'm not. Poop!

I'm sorry I couldn't reply sooner, Tal. I was worried when you noted on my thread that you were having a bad day, too. Just caught up on your posts.

I can't offer any advice on the waves of "I'm done; I'm not done." Haven't really jumped into that ocean yet myself. But, I guess--ride them out, right? Is anyone on the Boards a surfer? Maybe could describe the adrenaline thrill of tackling and successfully riding out a huge wave?

My The Work facilitator is all about "sitting" with the emotions. I hate it but apparently we are supposed to sit there and feel them, acknowledge them, and let them go.

Pearl is dead right on the best use of your spy. "oh, tra la, H is so yesterday. Let me tell you about my salsa class!"

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you.

I think I will have to counteract this "shoe" obsession with a Vermonter's "boot" obsession, and post in the alt my boot collection. Muck boots, snow boots, ski boots, snowboard boots, hiking boots...gee, everything but thigh-high stiletto boots--they're so unhandy in mud season!

So it's just me who finds a dinner date the most daunting prospect?

I think I would rather chew some cud with a cow than try to get my salad and my coq au vin to my mouth SANS spilling while trying to make witty repartee with some guy I just met.

But--it would be a 180!

And what if the VT men chew like cows? as long as they....like bulls!!! (did I just say that!

Just to be clear av, I am a very well-rounded shoe person.

I do have snow boots, rain boots, ski boots and hiking boots too (couple of each except ski). Practical shoes are a necessity but cute shoes are what makes life fun!

Wore my pink patent ribbon-tie mary janes out last night. And cute shoes are what you wear to dinner dates.

A little bull riding would be good for you!

I would like to go bull riding!!!

Salsa night was just what I needed - plus a late night chat with a new "friend". Sore today - all the dancing this week is really working my muscles in a way running just doesn't. The studio has some kind of group dance every weekend now - so I will have lots of practice opportunities! I've found a local restaurant that has live belly dancing shows... so I'm excited to check that out and learn a little more about that - its something I am definitely going to pursue!

I got everything figured out this morning to start a new workout program to help get me ready for the 12K... P90X.. I've see the results on a couple of friends who burned me the discs and HOLY CRAP - I'll be totally bikini ready by the run! The results are amazing! This new workout program is VERY intense so it will be a great distraction, pushes me to a greater level of discipline and get me feeling even better about myself... I hope..... Just in time for a trip to CO - Pearl.... I'm heading out there mid June or early July... to visit my best friend. We will have to hook up!

I DO NOT have as well rounded a shoe collection as you all do - but I'm working on that! Hopefully tomorrow goes well and I don't spend too much but get alot!!

I'm working on the house all day today - time to get the little thing completed and go back to living a normal life!! Uh...Well.. NEW normal anyway...

Have a great Saturday everybody!

T


PS - Someone asked if I was still looking into Law School - I've decided to wait to make those decisions until I get through the Divorce stuff and I'm still working on settling an Estate issue for my friend that died... once those thing resolve I'm going to take a serious look at my career going forward... Hopefully both will be headed to a resolution or fully resolved by June.